Today, what stuck out most was the "bring the body and the rest will follow" part. I have experienced this when I go to meetings and hope that feeling only grows with continued attendance.
Because I cannot do this alone. I need to be in fellowship with other addicts to hold myself accountable, to learn from them, and also to heal my pain and shame.
I am committed to reaching out to at least two others each week. I do not know who yet.
Covenant Eyes porn blocking app.
I am writing my dedication to stay porn free every morning.
I am following the Brain Buddy Program.
I am following the Strive 21 day challenge.
If we want to change, the first step has to come from us. If we make that dedication, and truly mean it, then a power greater than ourselves will help us along our path.
I'm not being honest. My honesty is hindering my ability to get out of the addictive cycle.
Connection is king. It also helps me be honest.
Ryan, from group
technology blocks on my devices, but that's it right now.
I don't know what that means...
Did I miss something in the audio?
We stop trying to do it our way. We surrender to God and wish to do his will? Maybe?
Recovery cannot happen without fellowship. I have been resisting this and trying to do it alone.
It helps keep one accountable
Dave G whom I met at a meeting
I have stopped going to certain websites as have removed some apps from my devices
In order to benefit from the program you not only have to stop acting out but you need to give up your obsession to a higher power.
I love that it said recovery cannot happen only, it only happens in fellowship. That is so true to me because I have noticed that I feel so much stronger when I am talking to others about my recovery, I feel so much more aware on my downfalls and I feel more committed to recovery when I am talking to others.
I think it is the fact that addiction thrives in secrecy and dies in honesty and dies in the light. If I have more fellowship, I can bring it to the light and get it out of secrecy and I can kill it.
I just had the thought that I want to reach out to one brother a day in the Sunday night meeting. I think doing one call a day would be great.
I won’t take my phone in the bathroom, I don’t sleep with my phone at night in the same room, and I try to not have access to stuff when I am alone.
We have to make the first step and then let the power of god continue to help us have sobriety day after day
How essential it is to have a group that you go to in recovery. If I don't I may end up not reaching out in a time of need.
It teaches how to not start acting out again. I have stopped acting out hundreds of tines I needed help not starting again.
Jacob F
None yet, but I want to have that I don't have my phone alone in a room at night or in the bathroom. No provocative movies.
Surrender lust to a member whenever it happens.
As I stop trying to solve the problem on my own I will gain power from God in overcoming my addictions and weaknesses.
We cannot maintain effective surrender without being associated with others in recovery. First we stop, then we pray and surrender and trust. The fellowship is key.
I think because God is essential to over coming and forsaking a sin like this. God commands is us to love one another so doing this he blesses us. Also, we are meant to connect and talking with others that are struggling as well, helps us stay outside of ourselves. I have experienced this much in my meetings
I talk to my wife every night about my recovery. I’d like to set a goal to reach out to at least one person from the group by way of the phone list.
No doom scrolling
Leave my phone in my pocket at work.
Leave my phone on my desk when I go to the bathroom at work.
Remove myself from inappropriate conversations and situations.
No acting out at work.
It means, I have to do my part. I have to stop first. If I stop and pray for forgiveness and then pray to surrender it to God knowing my powerlessness over lust and knowing his power, then I can feel his power in not needing it anymore and having the strength to keep doing the things I need to do to not start again.
They drove miles to meetings
- this is something I’ve got to want and there are really no reasons as to why I can’t make a meetings
Expected god, therapists, or spouses to fix us.
- that’s me in a nut shell, I’ve spent tons of time and money trying to talk, think, or explain my way out of addiction and it hasn’t worked at all. I’ve got to take action for change to happen and allow God to change me.
- I can find connection in other areas of my life but the group is a bunch of similar people that moving towards the same goal. Getting to know them gets me committed to their recovery and them to mine. They can see through my BS and want to see mutual success.
Issac Nebeker, he also went through a divorce and struggled with this in the past. Wanted to pick his brain in how to deal with everything post divorce.
I have not done this yet. I think it’s something that I should put so time into today.
The power of God is the ability to change my heart and desires. He can’t change any of that if I’m still actively engaging in my addiction. Spikes of desire will come up, if I let them go, and turn them over to God then he can show me another one to deal with what the addiction use to deal with.
"The White Book"is inspired and everything I read in that book strikes me as true.
Ownership comes from work and working to help the group function both efficiently and effectively will help me to be more committed to the group. Attending on time, coming prepared to contribute thru sharing and expressing my thoughts on the reading are essential to being "part of" not apart from.
I have 4-5 men in the two groups I attend who I can call when I'm in need,
I have established internet boundaries with filters and usage practices that help my progress. I also use meditation and my breath to relieve myself from the bondage of self with the help of God.
I can't do anything if I don't first stop/pause my ritual behaviors, my cycling of negative emotions which take me down the path towards acting out.
Others can't stop our addiction for us, we have to stop, but the program helps us to keep from starting again. As we surrender to God, His power becomes effective in us.
We can't do this on our own, connection is critical.
My spouse.
Phone away from me at night.
Don't take the first step.
No scrolling.
Look away.
God is the source of power in overcoming addiction.
There is a way out of this mess.
For support and connection
My spouse
Do not take the first step
Keep phone away from bedroom at night
No scrolling
In stead of turning to our addiction we turn to God and in so doing He helps us through the whirlwind
I have to give up all forms of acting out. I have tried before to allow myself to engage in seemingly innocent lustful behavior with the idea that I would stop myself before it got too far. I can't do that. The seemingly innocent is still feeding my drug and I ultimately desire more. Once I've allowed myself a little I tend to give in more and more until I've taken a lot.
I need to get out of my own head and gain and outward focus. Inward focusing is part of what keeps me stuck. And it becomes easier with others.
My bishop. Other group members.
No "trolling" behavior where I brows using seemingly innocent searches to see what "happens to come up." That's where it almost always starts for me.
God is the one that helps me stay sober, but I have to surrender to Him.
The circle model. I need to set up more boundaries
Community is key to continuing on with recovery.
I’m not sure. I haven’t reached out to anyone else.
Don’t stare at women for too long. 2 seconds only.
We surrender to god all of our sinful ways and pray to god to show us the way.
the part where we stop the compulsion in all it's forms.
i obviously can't do this on my own and need the help and understanding of the others who have my problem. and i do find relief in telling the truth to my spouse and letting it out.
my spouse and the group.
deleting Utube from computer, not staring at women in public, keeping myself busy and not in a place to be thinking of lustful thoughts.
with help from our group we have god on our side to put out of my head thoughts of acting out.
Fellowship is crucial. No recovery without it.
Get out of my own head. Learn from others. Ride their coat tails until I can stand on my own.
Other members from groups. Friends.
No internet on phone. No tv or computer at night, alone.
Admitting my powerlessness and surrendering to God, brings power.
“Suddenly I was worthwhile” I feel that this is something I am working on. I feel that having fellowship has really helped me to feel accepted and FINALLY UNDERSTOOD!! Being understood was a huge factor for me and a huge reason why I keep coming back. I think it’s interesting also that at the beginning of this program they tell you to stop using your drug right away and try to begin drying out. Trying this while reading, having support and now doing the steps feels very hopeful and possible. The getting involved section kind of scares me because I imagine myself running a meeting and that thought scares me. I don’t like attention or failure. I don’t like looking bad or specifically looking “stupid.”
Connection is huge and for me it is feeling like the guys there really understand me. I also need good honest guys to call me on my bullshit when I am lying, minimizing, playing victim, not taking action, and so many other things that are weaknesses and tendencies of mine. God created us to want connection and deep understanding. In this group I get that. It also shows us that there is real work to be done and that success is possible for us just like it has been for others.
I had no other previous commitments but now that I am reading this I would like to reach out to:
- Greg
- Dustin
- Terry
- Caleb
- attend recovery meetings 2 times a week when possible and no less than 1 a week
- Do recovery work (currently online 12-step curriculum) 15 min a day or more
- Reach out to Todd once a day (especially to go over triggers)
- Reach out to Greg or other recovery friends twice a week
- Read scriptures at least 2 pages daily
- Pray night and especially morning
- Journal once a day a minimum or 2 sentences
- Meditate after prayer for 1 minute after prayer to allow God to speak to me
To me it means I stop turning to porn and lust for comfort and security and instead I pray and lean into God to help me truly discover this comfort and security. Also to learn faith, hope, and trust and to continually build this relationship with God. It means to surrender God’s will over my own. I think stopping the acting out comes first and then we begin to replace those bad habits with new ones that are truly and deeply fulfilling. For me, I would like this to be a spiritual awakening and a true renewal or “rebirth” if you want to be all hippy about it. For me it’s the story of the man who pruned his plant in order for it to re-grow stronger and better than before. I think also God will give us power that we never realized we had, yet we always had the access to. I think we will become greater than we ever have been and that as we work for God and help others his love and power will shine through us and be magnified by our faith and action.
“We must be part of others or we cannot maintain effective surrender, see ourselves rightly, or work the steps.” This sticks out to me because I have realized just how true it is in my time in meetings, and my time away from meetings. Being connected to other people who are working the steps helps me feel a part of something bigger than myself. It shows me the true connection, that thing I’ve been craving for so long.
“The program doesn’t tell us how to stop — we had done that a thousand and one times — it shows us how to keep from starting again.” This is so powerful. It’s not about stopping. The second I relapse and get my fix I have stopped resorting to my addiction, but managing my emotions and the consequences of my acting out keep me from resorting to my addiction again, thus allowing me to not “start again”.
“We discovered that the way to feel better is not only going to meetings but taking the risk of self-disclosure.” Revealing the one thing we thought we could never reveal shows us just how powerful we can be with the help and support of God and others.
Alone we are nothing. It’s like the old arrow proverb/story. One arrow, or stick can be broken easily, but the more you add the harder it becomes to break. The fellowship of the program becomes our strength, support, and guide all in one.
My wife, nightly check in’s. Other SAL and 12 step members. Ecclesiastical leaders as needed.
Phone monitoring app. No social media alone. No secret screen. Accountability.
We can stop without surrendering, which leads us right back into our addiction. When we stop, and then surrender we are surrendering all the thoughts, feelings, character defects, and consequences that may follow to the power of God, trusting that He will guide our thoughts and actions to benefit those around us, instead of benefiting ourselves.
importance of community
to help others, see ourselves clearer, be with others
others in group
dont search for pornography, dont start to masturbate
after being sober we can work on ourselves with gods help
addiction cannot have any place in our life, one addiction can replace another. These addictions cannot be allowed to persist in any form
To help with accountability, to have community support, to help in understanding this behavior
My mother when I need someone to talk to
• Limit or line over which you will not allow anyone to cross because of the negative impact of its being crossed in the past.
I am not implementing this in regard to me and my partner. I will never cross that boundary again. I will not hurt her again in this way
that through surrender we are able to have understanding
The secret to the success of the twelve step program is the interaction, the sharing and the brotherhood with other men who are struggling with the same challenge as I have. It helps me feel like I am not the only one and that we who have the disease of sexual addicton are good people struggling with our own unique challenges and we can learn a tremendous amount from brothers who are on the same journey.
It is so very empowering to be able to surrender my feelings of shame and not enoughness to God and other brothers. That is part of the connecting process that helps me come out of my shell and find friendship and brotherhood with my fellow addict brothers.
Phil
Johnathan
Eli
Mark
I will not go to places that I know are triggers to my addiction. Those include water parks and massage parlours. I can't go to dressing rooms in rec centers. I will limit my internet access to inspiring and purposeful web sites. No more surfing the internet. The Fox News website does nothing good for me so I have a boundary to not go there any more. I will be perfectly honest with my wife in all my communication.
It means that I am committed to a sexually sober life and my cheif partner in this commitment is God. When i am tempted to return to my addictive behavior I will surrender those temtations to him. He has the power to keep me sober and to fill my mind with virtuos and inspirational thoughts.
The measure of commitment to attending groups reflects my commitment to recovery. I must be willing to surrender all addictions in my life. We always wanted to the sponsor or God or spouse etc to do the stopping for us. Now, we surrender and let the power of God become effective in us.
Sobriety and true recovery seem impossible without community.
Other members of the new groups I will be attending.
Haven't made any yet.
I realize that my disillusionment with God's involvement - or perceived lack thereof - in my recovery stems from my expectations of how I think he works. He never intended to make me stop or magically make it dissapear. But that was the nly way i would beleive that he really existed. rather, when i choose to stop, in my surrender I can find him.
We have to learn to stop first and have the power to do so. Then we immediately surrender and let god take this problem from us. We give it to him to take away.
There were a few things that stood out today, attending meetings are important to long-term sobriety and me stopping all forms of the addiction to allow God to be effective in my life. I always though that the meetings would be important, I attended some ARP meetings and thought that I would continue all my life but when school and life got busy I stopped. I didn't realize how important they are to long-term recovery. And the effort that I put into attending will be a reflection of my progression and sobriety. So I need to be all in because I want sobriety for all my life. I need to be true to my wife, I love her and I am tired and sick of destroying her life. So I need to stay committed to going to meetings and participating on a weekly basis.
I think participating in the fellowship program will help me find strength and purpose in my journey. I think that participating will help me change who I am to become the man I need to be and who God wants me to be.
I talk to my wife on a daily basis to check in with her. I need to find a sponsor and commit. I will also commit to reaching out to my Dad and talking to him on a weekly basis. (maybe I can incorporate my Mom also so she feels more connected to me)
I have set bottom lines with with the help of my councilor. They are:
1. Go to bed when my wife falls asleep (phone away from reach)
2. No phone in the bathroom with me (unlocked door)
3. 3 second rule- if you see anything potentially problamatic then put attention somewhere else (think about a memory of wife or kids and make goals about time with them)
4. If I am home alone then no internet or tv (if I am watching the kids tv for them)
( I guess I need to talk to a sponsor for more help)
I understand that my action in stopping (doing all I can do), then the surrender part I might understand, I think that it means I am ceasing to fight with my own strength, knowing fully well that I can't do it with my strength alone(since I have tried many times). When I surrender I am giving God the opportunity to be fully involved in my recovery since I am no longer resisting his will to do my will ( what I think will work). God's power and the Grace of Jesus Christ are far greater than any effort that I can muster up myself. Truly surrendering my will to God, in other words having my will be swallowed up by the will of God is the only way to be on a path that will truly lead to happiness, freedom, and exaltation.
The power that we can tap into through fellowship. When we are accountable, we can move forward in recovery.
This is the first part of surrender. Knowing that I can not do things on my own. Asking for help from the group and God.
I have a list of people that I try to contact daily. The are mostly from the SAL group some are from other groups I attend as well.
No electronics in the bathroom. No Video games, no social media, No you tube , snap chat, no pornography or even R rated movies. In public I am mindful of what I am doing. No staring at women, no fantasies, or objectification. Treat women as daughters of God.
Once we figure out that we cannot do this on our own and surrender to God, his power can work to heal us. I tried to stop. I swore that this was the last time, thousands of times, yet my will power was not sufficient. God’s power is what I need…I need help! Help from the group and help from therapy…aI need all the help I can get.
"We must be a part of others or we cannot maintain effective surrender."
This highlights probably the most difficult issue for me, be willing to be humble and accountable and connected. I feel it even as I write these words.
I don't know that I can agree to that as a blanket statement for everyone. I think it is true for me if I want to live sober and connected. I have tried it before and it worked wonderfully well. I have tried not doing it and I have failed miserably. So I think for me it is true.
I have several men that I can reach out to and share my struggles with. Anyone from either of two groups is available and willing to help me.
I haven't yet shared any yet.
I am declaring my dependence and reliance upon God for my salvation. It is only through and by His grace and intervention that I can achieve progressive victory over lust and self centeredness.
The program does not teach us how to stop. We have done that thousands of times. It teaches us how to not start again. We always wanted someone (God, therapist etc) to stop for us. Both of these statements impressed me.
In my own experience just being accountable to myself did not create sobriety. When I am alone in my head, I am in enemy territory. My commitment made to myself to not act out have rarely worked. There is a greater chance of sobriety when I can speak openly to a fellow addict who is going through the same thing that I am. Opening up to others, making calls is difficult for me.
This question really exposes a fear in me. I have been mostly unwilling to make regular phone calls or build relationships with other men in the many , many meetings I have attended through the years. I don't understand myself in this respect. I am committed to change and overcome this obstacle. I have been candid with Steven, Patrice, Emily and willing to be candid with priesthood leaders. I will expand this circle of contacts.
Covenant Eyes accountability software on all devices. Steven as monitor. I have recently tried a Troome phone but found it more to be an irritation than a useful sobriety tool. Positive actions of daily connection in prayer, gospel study, step study.
This is a true statement to me. It matches my own experience and faith. Words like traction, momentum, increased faith, hope describe what happens to me when I achieve even a few weeks of abstinence. My outlook brightens and in my mind success seems obtainable. I believe when I draw near to God, he then draws near to me.
