I'm not comfortable with opening up yet to tohres. I hear what is being said about the importance of a group, and I am committed to the process of recovery so I will learn as I go I guess.
I'm not sure yet that it is. I will learn as I go I'm sure. I have seen the benefits of a group in other areas and I'm probably being fearful in this area, but I will stay committed.
I will continue to reach out to Holly. She needs to be a bigger part of my recovery and I need to have faith in her as much as she has in me.
I don't have a sponsor yet so I will share with Holly and my sonsor when I have one. I'm not really sure I understand what effective boundaries should look like.
As long as I am trying to do this myself, I block God's power to help me. Whan I surrender to Him, I allow Him to get involved in a way I never could on my own.
The importance of community and/or having a sponsor to staying sober. Up until this point I have always tried to come up with a solution on my own, and I don't like the idea of having to my problems with others.
Because it is what keeps you honest, and allows you to draw on the strength of others who are also struggling against what you are dealing with.
Since I don't have a sponsor, I think my first step is to understand if there is a group near me where I can attend a virtual meeting.
To refrain from taking in content as well as from going off on my own.
I think that it means we use our will power initially to stop the bad habit, then turn over our will power to God in order to keep us strong. Will power will falter, but faith in the power of a God that also believes in us can keep it going.
The idea that recovery cannot be accomplished alone has always been a fundamental belief of mine. There is nothing that is more true in this program full if truths.
Participating is essential to taking on ownership of my addiction. I need to tell my story and get it out in the air. I need to serve others by fully participating in my group.
I am committed to reaching out to my wife, who is a big part of both my life and my program, and other members of the group, especially if I am triggered and need to surrender.
The most effective boundary that I have put in place with my wife is that I don't take my devices into my bedroom with me at night. My wife and I sleep separately, so my devices go into her room at night. when I adhere to this boundary I have many fewer problems. I also have a truth telling boundary, so if I have any lust triggers during the day, street lust, media triggers etc. I talk to her about it.
As this section says, and I agree, that I don't need to learn how top stop. I've done that many times. The program teaches me how to not start again. This miracle of not restarting comes from God. After a whole hearted surrender of lustful feelings God will assist us in holding the line against lust. The harder I try the more difficult sobriety becomes, but if I turn my will over to God in a sincere surrender He will guide me.
*I can't do it alone. I need to be connected with others in recovery, reaching out to them for help, reaching out to help them, etc.
*I have to stop lusting in any form. That means "taking the edge off" by lusting in seemingly less bad ways, it means street lust, it means lusting over my wife, it means fantasizing about stuff I haven't done, it means memories of things I have done, etc.
*I need to get whatever is inside my head out into the light.
Going to meetings, being engaged in the meetings, doing the meeting after the meeting, calling guys during the week, taking on roles in the group, reading the material, working the steps, sponsoring and being sponsored, etc.
Other guys in the group. I try to reach out to those I think would resonate with what I am dealing with. I try to reach out with those I think I can be friends with. I try to reach out to those who I think might need a call. Etc.
I have a list of them and they involve boundaries around pornography, masturbation, and lustful thinking. More generally, though, I can look at anything for the purpose of lusting, I can't touch my body for the purpose of stimulation, etc. I also have boundaries around when and what for media use.
God isn't going to help me (at least not as much) until I make the decision to help myself, meaning until I make the decision to give up things that are unhealthy. I choose to stop, I choose to change, I choose to give up lusting, I choose to give up acting out, and I have to be willing to live differently, and I have to be willing to get help from others and God. Then I seek God's help, and he helps me. I think I am falling short in some of this willingness (e.g., my willingness to let it go, my willingness to get outside of my head, my willingness to deal with life without my crutch, etc.).
Being part of a group is essential.
We need to be completely honest and open
gives strength hearing others story
Helps to remove the alone feeling
Friends John and Brenda Reber
Our Marriage Counselor Ali Springer
My sister Susan
Do not view pornographic materials. I need to do a lot more work in this area of boundaries.
God will help us if we stop acting out. He will hopefully dull our vision of the triggers that set us off.
Two parts stuck out to me:
1) Working recovery with others: surrounding myself with those who share common values and goals are important towards my recovery. Not everyone shares the same opinion on sexual behaviors. Some - including health professionals or family - describe it to be healthy or normal. Whom I surround myself with can have an influence on me. Working with men who have found tools to work through life in a healthy way, and which aligns with my faith and values are important to me. They are friends, and resources for my personal growth. They can also relate to and understand what betrayal trauma means, which helps me learn how to keep my wife and family safe.
2) We stop relishing the language of lust, resentment, and rage. This stands out to me since I can relate, and what I'm seeking recovery from. I look forward to learning and gaining emotional sobriety.
As I mentioned above, it is essential to me, since it is a fellowship sharing common beliefs and goals. Additionally, they are friends and resources to learn from, and reach out to in times of need. Whom I reach out to during those vulnerable moments (difficult emotions) can make all the difference to me.
Thusfar, I reach out to my sponsor, and some others from group. I also do weekly checkins with my wife.
- I will not view pornographic images or videos.
- I will not view exercise videos with female instructors.
- No aimless internet browsing, or searching for terms which I know lead to provocative or highly triggering images.
- I will not use chatrooms to communicate with female strangers
- No flirting with females (wife being exception)
- I will not entertain lustful thoughts/fantasy
- I will use YouTube and social media for faith, work, or educational purposes only
I am powerless over many things in my life. For example, pain I may encounter, behaviors of others, and the consequences/wounds my behaviors have created to my marriage and family. As much as I may want certain things to be different, I have no control over it. Accepting that is the first part, to recognizing my powerlessness. Turning to God for inspiration on the next right step, is my surrender over what I cannot control. Turning to God, taking the next right step, and being patient, are ways which I start to trust God.
test for Monthly
test for Monthly
test for Monthly
test for Monthly
test!!
