Recovery is a personal journey but having others to support us through the journey is cruci
Because connection is the opposite of addiction.
God, spouse, and the group
Sti working on that.
Incorporating God into our Recovery is the only true way to success
We had settled a thousand times.
Reminds me of the Twain quote: Quitting smoking is easy. I've done it dozens of times.
There is something more to it and it is rooted in connection
Get out of the shame cycle. Eliminate the false belief that I am alone and that I can and need to do this on my own.
SAL members. Close family members(brother Jeremy, wife Nicole), friends in recovery: Adam and Walker.
Phone app and website blockers. Surfing internet in my car. Unfiltered TV. Weekly check ins with sponsor and weekly meetings.
I can't wait for God to take away the desire or to wave his hand to make it go away. I have to commit to living in his chosen path then after the leap of faith, trust that I will receive his strength to sustain me.
If I allow my addiction to persist in any area then I am choosing to not be in recovery.
Constant reminders and serving others. Comradery and such is a big deal.
Therapist, spouse, friends, coworkers.
I have an entire list of boundaries that I obey and follow
We choose to stop acting out. Then we turn to God because we cannot do this without him. He is what makes this possible.
"We can't do it alone." I had tried for years to find recovery without involving other people. I was useless and I relapsed repeatedly. I have proven that it doesn't work. I know I need the group. I "cannot maintain effective surrender, see [myself] rightly" without group participation. "Attend every meeting on time... the measure of such commitment will be the measure of [my] recovery" also stood out. I will strive to be more consistent and diligent in my meetings.
My addiction thrives in the dark. Shame and isolation are a perfect incubator for the negative feelings that push me toward escapism and acting out. I can't handle my weakness on my own. Expecting me to be able to solve my problem would be like expecting a drowning man to throw himself a life preserver. He just doesn't have it in his power. Nor do I. I must have the input of power from outside myself or I will remain trapped.
I will call a brother who I have never called and two brothers who might be able to be my sponsor. I will also call two of my regular, trusted brothers who I haven't called for a while: Travis and Jon.
I reach out to connect with heaven and work on recovery every morning and plan ahead to make it possible.
I will call Ruth ahead of time if I need to stay at work late (after 6pm).
I won't watch a movie without reviewing IMDB parents' guide for safety first.
I stay off Google image search, Apple music search, CNN, youtube, Linked-in unless another person is in view of my screen.
God can and will save me from my sins, but not in my sins. He will not force me to accept recovery. But, if I submit my will to Him by surrendering what I want to do what He wants instead and seek His power, then He can work miracles. But only if I truly want them enough to accept the conditions give by God. "Will I let Him?" is the central question.
We expected God or therapists to fix us and stop us from acting out. But when we stopped ourselves and in that surrender Gods power became alive in us.
This hit home to me because that is my thought process. I expect God to stop me however, he wants me to have free will and make choices. If I surrender to him he will give me the strength to overcome but ultimately I have to make that choice.
I can’t do this on my own. I believe that God works through other people. I need to connect with people who know my struggles. I have experienced times when someone has reached out to me right when I needed it.
Tanner F
Alan H
Justin B
Joe S
Harrison S
No social media when I am alone
No movies with sex or nudity
Attend at least one meeting per week
Call at least one person a day
No scrolling the Internet
No news sites
I have to make the choice. God is not going to force me to stop. As I lean on him and rely on Him He will deliver me and change my heart. He will do for me what I cannot do for myself.
As obvious as it sounds, getting out of my own head and playing a more active role in my recovery is what it is going to take for me to be surrender and be free from addiction. It stuck out more for me because I know it is the biggest reason I have failed. I struggle accepting that others will know my pain and understand. It's hard to convey to my wife that this addiction is not something I chose and continue to choose. It is something that was an escape from the pain until pain was familiar and all I knew, and my addiction tricked me into thinking that it would be my friend and help me in my life's endeavors, but all it did was cause pain everywhere.
If you participate more actively in your own recovery, it will give you the strength to help those who helped you. You cannot pursue recovery alone, you need help and guidance because the way you've done it before is why you are where you are now.
I still need to find a sponsor, but I am committed to reach out to my wife and my kids, try to reach out to my friends. I am too comfortable not communicating with my wife and people I know and live inside my head or bury my head in my phone rather than live in the present.
I still do not have a sponsor, but so far the boundaries I have set so far is I have deleted social media on my phone, installed accountability apps on all my devices, and I do not watch any movies/tv that has more adult content that can trigger me.
We stop fighting change to be better. We believe in ourselves and allow our faith to give us the strength we need to keep moving forward.
I thought it was interesting that it said you can't recover without being part of a group. I think it could be more accurately said that you can't recover without real connection and accountability, and a group is a great way to provide that. I also liked that it talked about stopping as part of step zero, and that it wasn't up to our therapist or God or anyone else to fix us--we STOP, then as we surrender, the power of God heals us. There is a requirement from me, and it does require a lot of effort on my part to stop making self-destructive choices. It is on me to stay sober, and as I do so and surrender it, God helps us. I do also like that it pointed out that at first going to group is uncomfortable and we might have to drag our body along. It also talked about calling people randomly being uncomfortable, but that's what really brings sobriety, when you do that. I can at least do that. if I'm feeling tempted, it'll be helpful to call even a complete stranger and surrender that desire.
It isn't up to my therapist or my mom or the thought of past relationships or my classmates or Emily or my sponsor or group or roommate or anyone to fix me. I have to stop, with the support of these people, but by my own decision. If I don't, they can't help me, and God can't help me heal. He cannot force me against my agency. I have to give everything for my heart to be open to His healing.
I think the key is to really be open because the opposite of addiction is connection. It can be really hard to connect with people and be honest, especially when my behavior affects them. Calling antoher person that has struggled or is also struggling is a way to really take the shame factor out of the equation. I'm les scared to call them, but it can also be less motivating, so I have to act even when I don't want to and reach out even if it makes me uncomfortable. I can really use that phone list and get to the point where I can be open and accountable. It's so critical to connect because there are times when I feel I don't have any strength on my own. In those moments, it is extremely helpful to rely on the strength of others--all I have to do is reach out.
I think the key is to really be open because the opposite of addiction is connection. It can be really hard to connect with people and be honest, especially when my behavior affects them. Calling antoher person that has struggled or is also struggling is a way to really take the shame factor out of the equation. I'm les scared to call them, but it can also be less motivating, so I have to act even when I don't want to and reach out even if it makes me uncomfortable. I can really use that phone list and get to the point where I can be open and accountable. It's so critical to connect because there are times when I feel I don't have any strength on my own. In those moments, it is extremely helpful to rely on the strength of others--all I have to do is reach out.
Isolation is my biggest enemy. It's a huge temptation, but isolating myself from others is destroying me. I have to reach out and connect and interact even when I don't want to. There is no other way to health and healing.
I can call one person a day. I can do that. Mom counts, Dad counts, Amber, Tate, Stephen, even Ellie. And I can call the members of the group. At least one every other day. It's so hard for me and feels so awkward but it really is the best way to get used to this so I can learn not to be ashamed and not to pull away and hide myself.
1. I will alter my forms of digital entertainment. I will not watch YouTube channels that are sexually charged or use explicit language, even if those channels are ones I enjoy. Safe channels for entertainment include Backfire, Outdoor Boys, Kentucky Ballistics, CountryMusicTeacher, etc. I will not use more than 1 hour of digital entertainment per day that is isolated or alone without getting clearance from somebody close to me that knows my goals (games, YouTube, TV, etc). I will not use any digital entertainment that could be distracting while driving. I will not engage with sexually charged TV shows and will not renew any subscriptions to streaming services.
2. I will not view any digital entertainment alone in my bedroom or in the bathroom for any reason. My ipad and computer are not allowed in either area for any reason.
3. No passionate kissing or touching with my partner in any future relationship
4. I must be accountable to at least one person each day about how I am doing.
5. I will do daily step work, scripture study, and prayer
6. No viewing online pornography or masturbating. No intentionally viewing online images of women's bodies for the purpose of pursuing lust.
7. No more than 10 minutes in the shower (timer must be set).
8. No incognito tab or search history clearing of any kind.
9. No reading movie cleanliness ratings without the express purpose of evaluating a movie I have a specific plan to watch.
10. No using my phone in the restroom. Keep in in my pocket or on the sink
11. No closed bedroom door except when changing or sleeping.
12. Study at the desk or sitting upright on the couch.
13. No sleeping in past 9 AM for any reason (nap later if necessary)
I think this is something I was confused about. How can I say I'm powerless but also say that God is the one that makes the change? i think the key is, I'm powerless over lust and I'm powerless to change my heart and mind. But I do have some willpower and the ability to decide to stop and quit using these materials. That is my choice and my responsibility, and I have to take responsibility for turning away in those instances. As I do and as I surrender, God gives me the strength not to act out and heals my damaged mind.
I might be powerless over lust, but I'm not powerless over my behavior. I have the obligation and responsibility to take action to avoid situations that trigger lust and surrender lust that I experience to another person.
How important it is to get outside of ourselves and get involved with a group. Having had a group experience for the last few years, I can definitely see the power of the group in gaining strength, hearing about the experiences of others, and being there to support each other.
I have tried to go it alone for way too many years and it does not lead to accountability or change. When I have a group that I have to check in with, it makes a big difference for me. I draw a lot of strength and support from the group and feel their love and support
I think I could reach out to almost anyone in my in-person group or in my new online group should I need help, support, or just to surrender something to another person. I have a long list of those I can reach out to.
I have several that I have put into place over the last few years:
1. Sleeping in the same room as my wife and going to bed about the same time as each other.
2. Not watching Netflix except with her, even though there are several shows that might not be triggering.
3. Not going to pornographic or borderline websites.
4. Regular couple prayer and scripture study.
5. Regular church and temple attendance,
I need to work recovery for myself, row my own boat, keep my side of the street clean and do it for myself by surrendering to God. I cannot do this alone, but with God and the support of others, I can experience positive recovery.
The things that stuck out were the importance of being a part of a group as I work recovery. For me, I will lean primarily on the men from the Rising Sons retreat to be my group.
I don’t think recovery can be effectively done alone. I need the benefit of interacting with and relating to other great men in recovery.
I am committed to checking in daily on Marco Polo to the Rising Sons group.
I will be working with Jeremy on boundaries, bottom lines and dailies next week.
I take this to mean that I may have the power to stop, but if I want to avoid going back to my addiction, I will need to allow God to enter the picture and become my partner.
The importance of working recovery with a group. Belonging to a group is important. For me, the group will primarily be the Rising Sons group from the retreat.
I think establishing group relationships of recovery is a blessing for me to help me listen and feel connection, and talk and feel connection.
Abandoning all ramifications of the addiction has to happen
For me I have to start with accountability. If I can share my goals, my sobriety day, my forms of acting out, my weaknesses, my fears, those people are bound to me and I am to them. We are anonymous but we know aspects of their livglives and they know aspects of my life that
At least two more calls besides my sponsor
It is interesting because I feel I have boundaries but right now I’m in a vulnerable situation. I have put myself the boundary to not discuss marriage issues outside my marriage except bishop, therapist and someone in recovery, like my sponsor.
I cannot change my own nature, but I can make decisions . By abandoning my addiction behaviors and surrendering my shortcomings God can act on me to change
I thought it was interesting that it said you can't recover without being part of a group. I think it could be more accurately said that you can't recover without real connection and accountability, and a group is a great way to provide that. I also liked that it talked about stopping as part of step zero, and that it wasn't up to our therapist or God or anyone else to fix us--we STOP, then as we surrender, the power of God heals us. There is a requirement from me, and it does require a lot of effort on my part to stop using the addiction. It is on me to stay sober, and as I do so and surrender it, God helps us. I do also like that it pointed out that at first going to group is uncomfortable and we might have to drag our body along. It also talked about calling people randomly being uncomfortable, but that's what really brings sobriety, when you do that. I can at least do that. if I'm feeling tempted, it'll be helpful to call even a complete stranger and surrender that desire.
I think the key is to really be open because the opposite of addiction is connection. It can be really hard to connect with people and be honest, especially when my behavior affects them. Calling antoher person that has struggled or is also struggling is a way to really take the shame factor out of the equation. I'm les scared to call them, but it can also be less motivating, so I have to act even when I don't want to and reach out even if it makes me uncomfortable. I can really use that phone list and get to the point where I can be open and accountable. It's so critical to connect because there are times when I feel I don't have any strength on my own. In those moments, it is extremely helpful to rely on the strength of others--all I have to do is reach out.
I am committed to reach out to one person on the list this week. I am adding that to my goals. It is uncomfortable but I think I'm going to call patrick or Jason or Darryl (or bryn) this week. I think it will be a good help, especially if I'm feeling tempted. I commit to that and pray that I will remember that commitment in a time of difficulty or doubt or fear.
I don't yet have a sponsor, but some helpful bottom lines include
1. I will be honest about my difficulties and share with my significant other when I struggle
2. I will not watch YouTube channels that are sexually charged or use explicit language, even if those channels are ones I enjoy (DemoRanch, Donut, Brandon Herrera, Garand Thumb, etc).
3. I will not engage with sexually charged TV shows (Psych, NCIS both can be danger areas. Maybe it'd be wise to reach out to someone when I want to watch such a show and surrender afterwards if needed)
4. I will not view any digital entertainment alone in my bedroom or in the bathroom.
5. I will not lie about my behavior or my activities to my significant other
6. I will take accountability when my partner has a trauma reaction
7. No passionate kissing or touching with my partner (body positioning)
8. I will check in daily with my partner if she desires
9. I will do daily step work, scripture study, exercise (15 min), and prayer
10. No viewing online pornography or masturbating. No intentionally viewing online images of women's bodies with or without clothing.
11. Talk to my partner about this list and make a plan for going forward
I think this is something I was confused about. How can I say I'm powerless but also say that God is the one that makes the change? i think the key is, I'm powerless over lust and I'm powerless to change my heart and mind. But I do have some willpower and the ability to decide to stop and quit using these materials. That is my choice and my responsibility, and I have to take responsibility for turning away in those instances. As I do and as I surrender, God gives me the strength not to act out and heals my damaged mind.
During the 7 pm SAL online Zoom meeting tonight, we read in the SAL book, page 168-170. "What Recovery Looks Like: Humble, Honest, and Accountable". I had a strong feeling that I am not being humble. I still think I can do the work, my way. This is a lie I have been telling myself. I felt like I need to change this attitude about myself. Like it says on page 170, "As [I] create space in [my] heart and mind to be shown a better way -- by God and others --- [I] invite change to the only thing [I] truly have any influence over: [myself]."
Humility to me means, I could be wrong, right now, and I need to study for myself and reach out to others and God for help.
Because it connects me to reality. My discussing, being vulnerable, and sharing with others and hearing others share to me, I am more likely to understand where I'm at in my own recovery and learn from others along the way.
TJ L - sponsor
Hector L - accountability partner
Zac A - Book of Mormon study group leader
Christianne - my wife
No media in my room after 11 pm bedtime.
When I stop doing things my way and surrender to God, that I am wrong, He is right, and I'm truly willing to give my will over to Him, then His power plays a role in my life and I am not left unto myself. I can actually have His help.
The importance, and necessity of interaction with others. It wasn't in this reading, but I heard it said that when we are in our own heads we are behind enemy lines. We can never truly overcome our compulsions in isolation. WE have to be part of a group. A fellowship. One that we can learn from each other and give back at the same time. This is essential to get out of our own heads, practice humility by listening and learning from others, and practice in a small way Step 12 by helping others in the group. It is an essential balance of giving and receiving that is necessary for us to overcome our obsession with lust.
See above.
I haven't yet made a commitment to reach out to anyone else during the week. I will try reaching out to someone from the group.
Must Do:
• Doing my daily routine of recovery and step work.
• Being accountable by going to meetings regularly and reporting to my sponsor.
Must NOT Do:
• Getting up before 5:00am
• Following my curiosity when triggered when that action would further my triggering. No gateway drugs!! In other words, not allowing myself to entertain lustful thoughts or rituals.
• Taking my phone with me into the bathroom.
• I will not do or say anything to Megan that is out of a lustful mindset.
To this means that we cannot have any recovery from lust if we are still acting out in lust. As long as we are acting out we are being controlled by our obsession for lust. Once we stop, we allow space for the power of God in our lives to help us overcome our obsession for lust. It is surrendering to God that allows us to strip our pride and addictive tendencies and allow His grace to work in us.
The importance, and necessity of interaction with others. It wasn't in this reading, but I heard it said that when we are in our own heads we are behind enemy lines. We can never truly overcome our compulsions in isolation. WE have to be part of a group. A fellowship. One that we can learn from each other and give back at the same time. This is essential to get out of our own heads, practice humility by listening and learning from others, and practice in a small way Step 12 by helping others in the group. It is an essential balance of giving and receiving that is necessary for us to overcome our obsession with lust.
See above.
I haven't yet made a commitment to reach out to anyone else during the week. I will try reaching out to someone from the group.
Must Do:
• Doing my daily routine of recovery and step work.
• Being accountable by going to meetings regularly and reporting to my sponsor.
Must NOT Do:
• Getting up before 5:00am
• Following my curiosity when triggered when that action would further my triggering. No gateway drugs!! In other words, not allowing myself to entertain lustful thoughts or rituals.
• Taking my phone with me into the bathroom.
• I will not do or say anything to Megan that is out of a lustful mindset.
To this means that we cannot have any recovery from lust if we are still acting out in lust. As long as we are acting out we are being controlled by our obsession for lust. Once we stop, we allow space for the power of God in our lives to help us overcome our obsession for lust. It is surrendering to God that allows us to strip our pride and addictive tendencies and allow His grace to work in us.
fellows, friends, family
no searching, clicking; no self soothing.
Surrendering our will to God gives him power over us.
The part that stuck out to me the most is on page 65 where it says that "The program doesn't tell us how to stop-we had done that a thousand and one times-it shows us how to keep from starting again." This concept really gives me a different perspective on my acting out because it is so true, I can't count the number of times that I have stopped, the problem has always been that I have started up again. Another thing that I liked from the reading, was that even though I have had a strong support network throughout my recovery, I have never thought that attending recovery meetings was so important to my success in recovery.
I have always believed that it was important to my recovery to have a good support network and to have people that I could trust and who I could be vulnerable with. I think that what I was lacking was that it was essential to incorporate that support into a more organized relationship where we were all working towards common goals that helped to unit us in our efforts to maintain our sobriety and stay in recovery.
I am committed to reaching out to my Brothers, my cousin, one member of my SAL group and one other friend.
I am working with my wife to establish a set of healthy recovery boundaries currently but do not have them finished yet.
It requires us to take action before the power of God can take effect in our lives. God cannot just swoop in and fix everything for us, we must first take responsibility for ourselves and then God can have place to work his Grace in us.
Being involved in the fellowship.
Can't do it alone.
Adrina, Meg, whoever comes to mind.
No lust movies. No FB. Limiting pictures.
God works through my willingness to reach out to him for help. For his will to be done.
"Bring the body", even if the mind and will seem lagging behind. I appreciate what was said about how active and regular participation with a 12 step group gets us out of ourselves and in a reason not necessary for explanation, keeps us from acting out. It also stood out to me that "stopping" my acting out isn't something to wait for my spouse, God, or someone else to fix. Furthermore, 12 step meetings do not teach us how to stop the behavior, rather it will help me not start the harmful behavior again.
Participating is what keeps me out of my own mind. It keeps me from developing "stinking thinking," where I think that others do not care about me or I am playing a victim mentality which I am good at doing. It is important for others to be able to call me out on my crap.
I haven't yet thought of this. I suppose fellow group member's phone numbers are listed, so I can make an effort to reach out and support others that may be on the list.
Thus far, boundaries have not been something that I have investigated thoroughly. My sponsor has made it clear that he is there for support whenever needed, but I have not found the need to reach out to him urgently. My wife and I may or may not have healthy boundaries, so I will focus on this and see if we need improvement. Thus far, I am privy to discussing sobriety and any struggles I may be having, but thus far I have not been sorely tempted.
To me, it suggests that simply stopping is insufficient, as I have discovered so well in the past. Only when stopping is accompanied by surrender to the higher power will I receive His help and power. I must stop and then surrender. I knew stopping very well, as I committed to stopping many times before. The surrender component is the next essential ingredient for success.
I loved how it mentioned that the program of recovery (12 steps) don't teach us how to stop acting out (we already know how to do that), it teaches us to not start again. That was an epiphany for me. The importance of getting involved and being in groups. I cannot do it on my own. I need interactions with others who have been where I have been.
Realizing that I am not alone in my struggles is huge. Others have been where I have been and may even be where I am now. There is strength in fellowship and brotherhood. As I trust others and let myself be vulnerable, I am able to see my struggles as manageable and something that I can truly overcome.
My son on a daily basis. My accountability group on a weekly basis. Members of the groups I attend (both online and in-person) throughout the week.
Working on discovering what boundaries I need to put into place.
We realize that we cannot win the battle on our own. We have tried to do that over and over again and we always lose in the end. We are not strong enough to win the fight. The only way to be victorious is to turn the battle over to God. He is undefeated and able to win any battle we surrender to Him. As we do this, the power of God is invited into our lives on a minute to minute basis as we acknowledge and surrender to Him those things we cannot handle on our own.
The importance of connecting with those in the group. Specifically to talk to them in person. I just had a slip, I looked and communicated with others looking to act out.
Looking back the reason for this is letting daily communication slip by the wayside. I have to stop my compulsions in all it's forms. I can't have sobriety if I'm feeding my lust. Whether that's getting hits at the store, fantasizing...trying to put together a fantasy I could use to escape.
It makes get out of our own heads. Connect with someone when often times our acting out and trying to get connection where there is none.
All members of the group. I currently have 12 people .... steven, abe, mark, matt, Peter, Scott, Don
I haven't done them all. So far I have Travel. But I need to do it for trips to the store, fantasy, emergency, parking and sitting and reading the news. Reading the news, not working.
I don't fully understand the concept of surrender. I can give it to God but I can't seem to let it go. I need to become more contemplative to what that means.
Sticking to it. Not stopping the process
Multiple group members
Distance between people
Surrender to God and allow him to take charge
There is a quotation that sticks out the most: "Inside my head, those problems seemed so hopeless. Just bringing them out into the light cut them
down to size." I have always been too ashamed to bring my problems to light. I was too afraid of the consequences, and too afraid of the pain that it would cause to those around me. I had become accustomed to internalizing, and living in my own world. So for me taking pain onto myself just meant more retreat into my fantasy and my inner world. Tee more I retreated, the less I was willing to share. There was another passage about, how, addressing the problem isn't just about stopping, its how to not start again. Something about "we have stopped a thousand and one times before" but the real work was in not starting again. I feel disgusted and sickened with myself.
Without being able to share, by shedding light onto the darkness I've created, I can never recover. It is only by consistently being honest and humble, with others especially and not just myself, that I can continue to recover and not relapse.
I am not sure if I have a sponsor in this program yet, and I assume I will find out this Sunday during the first meeting. If I do not have a sponsor then, I will make sure to get one as soon as possible from a local SA. Other than my sponsor, I will reach out to my fiancée, if she is able to listen, and if not, I am going to come clean to one of my best friends with whom I will keep regular weekly contact.
1. If I am being asked to give up my time, to work for another without recompense, on the implicit premise of things already done for me, I will not accept. Doing so diminishes my value as an individual, takes up my time, burns out my energy, and leaves me dissatisfied with myself in general.
2. I will not tolerate being guilted into accepting a situation on the premise of family relations. I am free to choose my own destiny. Allowing myself to give in to such guilting makes me feel powerless and dissatisfied.
We stop our addictive behavior now, using what willpower we have, and by allowing this program, and others, to come into our lives with the same attitude, we are enabled to truly change. We must not fight our addiction, but surrender to accepting it, admitting to it. Only by acceptance, and understanding it, can we manage it. This is done through the power of others, in community.
Done
Done
Done
No Social Media
No Contact with past sexual partners
No phone in bed
No staying in bed past my alarm
Daily step work
Daily scripture study
Daily connection with others and God
Answered in question one
There is no lasting sobriety without associating with others in the program
We can't do it alone
Strength in numbers, we get help and we give help
Wife, Kids, other SAL members
Do not look at pornography
Do not lie to janee
Do not get a massage
Do not masterbate
Do not be alone with another women other then Janee
Do not go to backpage
Do not go to other websites that solicite
We have to take the first step and then God can work in our lives
