Men’s Step 0 – Day 1

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I have way more going on in my mind then last. My selfishness, money issues, Beyral trauma to wife. Need to be around others

Getind processing right

No one yet


Have alot more to workon then last temptation

On 3/9/22 i wrote:
P64: “we get rid of all the materials and other triggers under our control”. Yep, that was the point I was making in the last SAL meeting.
P65 great quote: “The program doesn’t tell us how to stop -- … it shows us how to keep from starting again”

I need to be comfortable with talking about my feelings and be prepared to call someone if I am triggered or struggling, or even just sharing my weaknesses and defects. Participating in the fellowship helps me practice this sharing, and also learn from others.

Two check ins a week with my wife

In progress 7/4/2022:

Negative Emotions
• If someone hurts me or I feel anger, I will immediately pray for them rather than getting resentful.
• If I feel overworked and stressed, I won’t accept tasks that aren’t strictly required and that won’t make me feel better.
• If I am alone, I won’t consume unvetted input (whether Internet, TV, or other). Unvetted means where I or someone else have not previously determined it to be safe from things that may trigger me.
• If I am accidentally exposed to pornography, I will remove myself from the situation, call a contact and talk to wife within 24 hours.
• If I feel aroused while touching wife (if she asks for a backrub, for instance), I will tell her. If she then feels unsafe, I will leave the room.

We knew how to stop, we just didn't know how to not start again, and that's the part that God helps us with.

The parts about fellowship and participation in the group is necessary for recovery and getting inside my head and connecting with others. I think this sticks out the most because I believe in the sentiment that connection is the opposite of addiction. So much of my defects stem from being in my head way too much.

Because I believe in being engaged in a good cause helps change attitude and thus behavior. And because being amongst others who share a common addiction and common goal to recovery help light and keep the desire of recovery alive. It makes sense as it's easier to open up to someone who understands than a person who might misunderstand and hold judgment be hurt or hate you for your addiction.

I have a recovery goal to reach out to someone in SA or SAL each day.

No computer past 10p (exception be for journaling)
I use KSL and Deseret News only for my news
Listen to Recovery / Self-Improvement podcasts
I can Google scores but not other sports news websites
I surrender triggers to my God and talk them through with a sponsor or other group members
Walk away from triggering situations, plan to avoid triggers even if it means driving or walking another way
Dont' medicate on Nyquil when sick
I only watch TV, movies, sports with others. I don't do it alone and take breaks at commercials. I don't watch TV to cure boredom.
I don't take (or use) my cell phone with me to the bathroom.

I believe it means in making the decision that God will be the source of connection in our lives and that I replace that connection with God. I now will be turning to Him every time, all the time, instead of my compulsion/addiction.

The importance of being involved going to my meetings will help me get out of my own head

It’s really good to get to know other men who struggle same thing that I do. So I need to go to the meetings and become part of the fellowship

I have three sponsees But I will reach out to every week besides my sponsor

My goal is to not look at other women and have fantasies and lust. But if I fall short I’m not going to beat myself up because it is just a continuous victory over lust

I can’t live my life like I used to and repent and say I’m sorry after every time I acted out. I have to make a full commitment to my Savior that will allow him to be in charge of my life

My need for a commitment to group.

Because it helps me to connect with and be accountable to other men who understand me.

Joel and Spencer.

Surrender when experiencing lust. Reach out when feeling like isolating.

Stop what I’m doing and surrender to what God would have me do.

My commitment to attending group reflects my commitment to recovery. That is where I am able to start opening up and learning from others. I am just pretending when I go at it alone. It talks about phone meetings as well. That is something I do with Joel and Spencer each morning.

It helps me to maintain a recovery mindset, be accountable, learn what others are doing and be honest about where I’m at.

I reach out to my brothers, Joel and Spencer, who are also addicts.

If I’m starting to feel the desire to act out, then I think about what my body is needing, using the acronym SHALT and express that to another person. If I feel lust after anything, I express this to God, surrender it to him and another individual and write it down. If I start to want to isolate or hide, I reach instead for connection.

Stop doing what I’m doing and surrender to what God would have me do.

That there's no lasting sobriety without connecting to a group others in recovery.
"There can be no true recovery from addiction if we allow it to persist in any area, whether in our thinking or in our acting out."

This is the only reliable way to stay in recovery and reap the benefits of sobriety.

I don't have a sponsor yet. I commit to reach out to my brothers in the Ben Smith group.

1. Total Honesty and Integrity
2. Daily Check-in
3. Electronic Rules
4. Daily acknowledgement space.

I stop lusting in all its forms now. In stopping the power of surrendering to God becomes effective in me.

I must work with the group.

for accountability and support.


• No Lying
• No viewing pornography (or pornography ‘substitutes’)
• No masturbation
• No electronics in the bathroom
• No electronics in bed or on the bedside table
• No electronics between 10PM – 5:30AM
• No sexually charged movies or TV shows
• 3-second rule

we must act. then trust God to put the power behind the action.

not only participating in group is necessary, but the involvement of the day-to-day with the group. We stop, and let the power of God keep us 'stoped' as we do our stuff.

Help keep centered. Keep our eyes open. To keep us honest.

Aaron II

• No Lying
• No viewing pornography (or pornography ‘substitutes’)
• No masturbation
• No electronics in the bathroom
• No electronics in bed or on bedside table
• No electronics between 10PM – 5:30AM
• No sexually charged movies or TV shows
• 3-second rule

We must use our agency and choose. God, through the Atonement, will give the power.

I liked the section on page 65 that said 'What we are really saying when we start meeting with others is, "I have to stop; please help me." That's so true. We can't do it alone. We need the connection and the ability to relate to others that are going through the same thing. Once together, we can find ways to help each other. I know that I truly need help from others every day.

It's important to participate because it shows more unity with others. Participating in the fellowship of the program means that you consider yourself just like everyone else in the group, and that you need their help. This fosters a community of growth and connection.

I should follow up with Kenny, Harrison, David, Alan and other folks.

I need better boundaries around my relationship with my phone. I don't want to cruise Instagram or Twitter late at night. If I'm ever triggered while using my phone, I need to call someone immediately and surrender that.

I also have boundaries to immediately mute/hide/close content that pops up in my life. I can't let lust in ever. So whether it's a post, ad, etc. I need to look away and not think of it. Call someone if needed.

First, sobriety. Then, when we're unable to maintain that sobriety and in our weakness, we reach out to God and surrender all we lack. With this daily surrender, we can remain sober daily. One day at a time.

why i haven't been able to stop myself from acting out after i've committed not to. i need support, accountability, a brotherhood.
also stopping doesn't apply only to viewing pornography. but sex with self. need to stop all acting out behaviors.
why? I'm been fooling myself into thinking porn is the issue not "all acting out behaviors"

my shame diminishes as i see i am not alone. also i draw strength from others who have been where i am and are now where i want to be. courage to open up and be honest and be accepted for my flaws not rejected.

my therapist, my wife, my brother, Randy

i haven't done any yet

I think it means God respects our freedom to choose. God will not force us to do anything or Stop. However when willing make the decision to Stop. God will step in and support us. by stopping are start to create room in our lives for God. space that wasn't there before because my addiction filled that space.

The part about sources of lust, because I wonder if I’ve gotten rid of all of mine

I can’t isolate and ignore mh feelings any more—I need to be with others and share mh feelings with then

Guys with a year or more of sobriety each day, and other guys from mh meetings

I haven’t written down or really even set any boundaries—I would like to do that.

First I have to surrender—I think this means giving up my right to lust, in general and in this particular moment in this particular way, to put down the option to do it and back away from it.

I need to surrender lust in all forms. Masturbating thinking of a white wall is still a drug.

To be able to surrender your feelings.

Other members of my SAA, SA and SAL groups.

Leaving phone outside bedroom and bathroom. Keeping office door open, reporting slips within 12 hours to wife and sponsor.

After we stop and surrendered, God helps us keep our focus on our recovery and the strength to maintain our sobriety.

The first part that I have underlined and stuck out to me again, was the commitment to stop feeding lust. I have a tool of surrender to use when I am tempted to lust to cope with emotions. But sometimes I just allow myself a "little" lust. or just for a quick minute. This mindset is wrong and it allows me to put the poison of lust into my mind and body. The other part that stuck out to me was the idea of stopping in all areas. I can't stop lusting if I'm going to allow myself to hold onto resentment.

It helps to keep me humble and honest. It helps to show me what can be achieved. Participating in a group/fellowship is how I bring myself to see what God can do with others just like me.

I text an accountability partner each day. He is another member in group that has more sobriety then I do and helps me to see patterns and sometimes points out the good work I've done.

I need to think more about this.

I can say I'm never going to do it again but the truth is I always go back to it. However, I have found that I can't control this, God can help me surrender the power it has over me and then I have more power to chose.

The need to be engaged in the fellowship. I am generally not very excited about committing to be in a group of any nature, yet alone of this nature. I need to surrender my reluctance to fully accept that I need to be engaged in this fellowship.

It provides me with three things I cannot get anywhere else. 1) It humbles me. I am a human being with similar characteristics and foibles to those in the fellowship. 2) The fellowship is a support network for me to tap into if I need a listening ear, a reminder of my commitment to the program and/or a helping hand.

I don't have a sponsor yet. My commitment is to work towards getting a temporary sponsor in place over the course of the next two weeks.

I will work with Josh to put blockers on my phone so that I cannot access the websites that I used.

Sobriety is table stakes for being on the recovery pathway. In order to invite God into our recovery process we need to surrender to Him those things that we are not able to handle on our own. Surrendering is the most important tool I have learned to tap into during this, my current, recovery path. In the past, I tried to overcome my addiction on my own. Now I recognize that I am not able to progress without God as a partner.

The main thing that stuck out to me was the mention about the "loner". Because of the area where I live, I don't have an active group that I can attend and I have had to rely on zoom and phone meetings as my only real opportunity to regularly get to a meeting. I have used this as an excuse a lot of the time to ignore the promises I have made to get to a meeting once a week and criticize the quality of any of these meetings. Its a lot easier to zone out or "phone it in" in a phone meeting. I've tried my best to work past this and treat a phone/zoom meeting as if I was sitting shoulder to shoulder to these people and know that they need this as much as I do and I should act like it. I didn't get into addiction by some complete absence of my attention and active participation, and I don't expect to get out of it and recover without action either.

Because it brings to light all the ways I have been feeling isolated that I never would have admitted or known if I didn't encounter others who experienced and fought through the same things that I had been for years.

My friend Miles I have been doing accountability partnership with. I also call a couple of guys I have meet recently in my current zoom meeting.

One boundary I need to keep in place in my recovery is the way I behave at work. I have often told myself it is up to me to recall who I am when I walk in the door and if I choose to not bring my values and to surrender when I need to, no one else is going to do it for me. If I choose to let my guard down and take on hits of lust or be lacking in caution with what I look at or how I access technology then I will be opening myself up to slips and relapses that I was able to prevent.

To me it recalls what I believe about grace in my life. I know that God's grace is constantly available to me, but only if I am open and ask Him for it. He cannot force it upon me or pull me away from my sin. He can do all things, but he wants me to turn towards Him and offer my suffering and my struggles and sin up to Him. Only then am I free and He pours out grace without limit.


bgcmn ,



I have to get out of my own way and not try to take control. I pray daily for help and then I go about my day as if I were in charge. That approach never ends well. I like the saying "Let go and let God" However, I rarely truly let go. My mind tends to easily wander, my thoughts turn to fantasy. I need to constantly feed my soul with spiritual food and shun that which is not uplifting. I need to nurture my sobriety in order to maintain my sobriety. If i am not bearing fruit then I am withering. I am either advancing or slipping backwards. I need to stop the nonsense and SURRENDER. God will then take over. I need to practice this minute by minute.

Several, but this one first:
"There is an unwritten step underlying all twelve. Call it Step Zero. "We participated in the fellowship of the program." No one seems able to stay sober and progress in recovery without it..."
It struck me because I've always been so independent, self-sufficient, etc.

Because those who have gone before have found that no one is able to stay sober without it. Connection with others seems to be vital, and I have always been quite isolated, introverted, and disconnected.

I made the goal this week to make at least one phone call to someone on the phone list. My first SAL meeting was only day before yesterday so I don't have a sponsor yet.

No self-gratification even if it's just the physical act with no thoughts involved.
No arousing images of women; online, paper, or however.
When I encounter inappropriate things that I have not intentionally sought, I choose to quickly turn away, whatever that entails.

That I stop, and then trust God to guide me and help me stay stopped. Rather than praying again that he would take it from me finally. Also that it's not enough to be stopped from the behaviors; I then work with God to continue to get better at recognizing and not practicing lust in any of its forms.

Now we stop; and then in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us.
I have to surrender my will to act out and follow through in order for God to do his part.

It gets me out of my head. It allows me to be raw and vulnerable and expose my secrets and still feel loved and understood.

Harrison, Jeremy, Joe, Thomas

Stay off news sites like yahoo or google.
Don’t “research” movies or shows that are known to be inappropriate.
Stay off the Internet all together if I am struggling.
No movies with nudity
No sexually explicit songs
No browsing google images

That I have to lay my will to act out at Gods feet.

The need to surrender first, and trust God to not let us start again.

It holds you accountable and takes the secrecy of the addiction in the open

Spouse, kids ( in a respective way )

Phone and location blocks on all eltronic devices.

We first must take action to have the power of god with us.

We can't do it alone. We have to reach out to others for support, connection.

For support and connection. We all help and support each other.

My sponsor, others in the 12-step group.

I won't go certain places, meet with females, one on one, keep my phone visible to my spouse at all times, allow my spouse to go through my phone whenever she wants to.

God will help us as we help ourselves. Stopping shows our commitment to overcome.

Fellowship is crucial to recovery.
The measure of my commitment is the measure of my recovery.
There can be no from the obsession while still practicing the obsession.
I have to stop feeding lust to be in recovery.
The program doesn't tell us how to shows us how to keep from starting again.

This is a group that I can be transparent with. I am learning honesty by having this group that I can tell anything and still be in a safe place. They have different perspectives and since they have experienced the same struggles as I have, this often gives my additional knowledge and wisdom for connecting with God.

I will reach out to my sponsor, Bret, Kelly, and Steven.

The 3rd second surrender rule. Symbols of giving the temptation/trigger to God. A travel plan.

I have seen this in my own life! First I had to stop and turn to God. He was there waiting and he gives me a changed heart - a healed heart- and brings peace that I haven't known in my addiction.

I need to cut it out and work with others so that I can be free

It is hearing from others and learning from their experiences

My dad and brother

Phone calls every morning, using phone if only have a purpose, no taking tech alone. No watching porn in house

It is recognizing that he has the power to help me heal

Progressive victory over lust

The support is essential to keep one accountable and engaged.

My wife

No triggers. Open office.

The power of God grows from within and fills our being. But we must surrender.

When it says that there can be no recovery without a fellowship program. This made me think of those individuals that I know struggle with this, but claim to be 'doing fine' though I know that they are not in a recovery or fellowship program. I may need to follow up with some of them to see how they are doing and to tell them about these programs.

It gives a support network that cares. A therapist doesn't really care, not in the same way, and a spouse cannot relate in the same way as fellow members. Talking to a spouse, even one as incredibly patient and accepting as mine, is damaging over time, and you cannot be fully supported by the one that you are damaging with every relapse.

I have a marco polo group, and I have a number of contacts that I cycle through from the SAL phone list.

I have controls on my devices and home internet, I have committed to call my sponsor in the middle of the night if I feel the urge to act out, and I have limited the use of applications and media that can be triggering.

We first have to chose to stop, take some action to commit to stopping, then we turn the rest (being 95%) over to the Lord and allow him to help us grow incrementally as we strive to perfect our efforts.