That connection is key, since starting my attendance of SAL 12 step in July of 2023, I have found that connecting with other brothers in the group has given me strength I never found anywhere else. The reason is, I never had a person or group of people I could talk with about my sexual addiction. I felt very alone and wanted to be so that I could keep acting out.
Like the White Book states on p64, it helps me to get outside of myself. I could be having a bad day, even if I am simply tired, and go to a meeting and interact with brothers and feel uplifted. It's even better when I make and take calls. God seems to be working through each of us for recovery.
I still struggle to pick up the phone and make the contacts weekly. I have a game plan to maybe schedule some regular guys weekly, so there is a set day and time that I can reach out.
I have done no real work on boundaries, mostly not even sure where to start.
Just like the material says the problem is never stopping, it's staying stopped. I promised myself and my wife over and over again that this time would be the last time and I found myself acting out again with no real understanding as to why. I never really knew that the debilitating negative emotions were the cause of all my needing to lust and then act out.
Fellowship is an important part of recovery. Requires talking with others who have been there before.
It brings out my problems and makes them smaller than they really are. It gives me perspective on what I can expect on this long road ahead.
I'm committed to connect with my sponsor, my therapist, and at least one of my accountability partners.
I am no longer locking bathroom doors
I am no longer using social media on my phone
I am no longer using Instagram and other visual social platforms on any device
I am not using any connected devices that are not monitored by Canopy when I'm alone.
I will not be in any situation where I'm alone with any female (if required travel for work, I'll make sure my wife knows)
I will not have any inappropriate conversations with any female in person / via text / etc.
I will practice the 3-second rule, rubber banding, bookending and other practical ways to combat lust
I am connecting with my Sponsor before and after any trips that I take
I stop acting out. Then I surrender future thoughts of lust and acting out to God and he takes it from there and provides His protection.
What stuck out to me today is that the only way to have true healing is to be involved? With the program and practicing the 12 steps
It took me a while to really participate in my group, but after I started, I felt the camaraderie and the friendship grow, which brought me out of my shell
Dave G of Arizona
No phones in the bathroom, no scrolling on YouTube, get out of my head, asked lots of questions
I’ve stopped acting out for over four years now. And now I’m allowing God to work in my life or before I thought I was doing it all on my own. I can’t care what other people think or how they act around me I have to widen the window of tolerance
What stuck out to me is the we stop portion. The reason it stuck out was because I've tried for almost 4 years in my recovery and didn't look at the major issues that I had developed and my white knuckle minimal support wasn't helping. I have hope with attending groups and asking for the help I may be successful.
Much like I mentioned above asking and admitting we need help is crucial. Having the support to keep going when things are hard is crucial.
My wife, my self, my mom. My Monday Wednesday Friday meeting peers, my therapist.
I have eliminated social media as much as possible (work post only), accountable software (may need new). And being honest about urges/withdrawals associated with situations that would lead to acting out.
To me it means we have faith that surrendering our addiction, our resistance to change is possible by fully trusting the process and giving up complete control of the toxic past.
"We stop feeding lust. We get rid of all the materials and other triggers under our control. We stop feeding lust through the eyes, the fantasy, and the memory... We stop living only and always inside our own heads."
I have spent so much of my life living inside of my own head. Getting out to meetings definitely helps me get out of my head and into the real world. I've gone to two meetings this week and it feels so good to connect with others, even in the structured format of a meeting.
Connection is the opposite of, and antidote to, addiction. If I can stay connected with others (and with God!), the likelihood of success in my recovery journey is markedly higher than if I were to stay holed up in my own head, in my house, and in my fantasy.
I'll reach out to Chad this week. As I get more comfortable and find a "home" meeting for myself, that I can go to regularly, I'll get numbers and make contact with those guys.
I think that the point here is that I have to put in the work upfront, as opposed to expecting something to change in me, absent any effort. I've seen this before in my life; I experienced 18 months (!) of recovery and sobriety when I put the work in. Those were by far the best 18 months of my life - my marriage was stronger than ever, my eyes were open to beauty in the world around me (as opposed to being laser focused on lust hits everywhere I turned), I was a connected and present friend and father. I want that back in my life, more than anything.
I never thought I would gain such a connection to the men in my groups. I have learned to love them and I love the connection I feel with them so much. It truly is a safe place to be vulnerable and rigorously honest with myself and others.
It means I have some skin in the game. When I moderated the group for 6 months, I got so much out of each and every meeting. I was fully invested in being there for the group and to make sure things went smoothly. I really enjoyed that time and look forward to serving in different capacities over the years.
I don’t reach out to my sponsor that often, but I do connect with other group members regularly and every Sunday, I text my accountability group (Isaac, Guy and James).
I have several bottom lines, but I have been confused at what the difference between. Bottom lines and boundaries. I need to get some more guidance about what boundaries I need to set for myself. I have been thinking about them incorrectly. I thought some of my guidelines were boundaries and some were bottom lines, but apparently, they are all bottom lines. Some of them include: no social media, no random surfing if the internet, no random YouTube videos, no using my phone in the bathroom, etc.
I can stop. I have never had a problem stoppping my acting out behavior before. It is not starting again that has been my struggle throughout my entire life. As I surrender and let God prevail in my life, through Him I can stay in healthy sobriety and love in recovery. It is only through God and my connection with Him that I can progress.
I liked the part about how it described how I wanted a third party to take away my addiction or stop for me. I have wished that many times. But I find the more that I learn about myself that I am glad I've been given the blessing of the resource of SAL to learn how to over come. I needed to learn that as I was missing that knowledge in my life. I didn't know how to overcome.
For me, I've found that connection is the opposite of addiction. I'm in addiction when I want to isolate and not talk to others. I find that I'm not in addiction when I reach out and connect with others and share my true self even when I don't want to. I find that I initially don't want to but I end up wanting to as I start reaching out. That is always the hardest part for me - starting.
I want to reach out to Tanner and be willing to return the favor of reaching out. He frequently reaches out to me and I want to show that I appreciate his trust in me and that I in turn trust him.
No using the bathroom with my phone, No social media (facebook, instagram, snapchat)
I think I have to take the first step of stopping and then I have to invite God. Both of those things make it so God can enter my life. He can't/won't enter if I'm in addict mode as I'm isolating and keeping everyone (including God) away from me.
go to meetings and get out of your head
you can't do it alone. no exceptions
Jason M
Still working on this
I have to make the first move. I have to surrender every last drop of poison. I know he has been waiting for this all my life, I have too.
The emphasis on establishing connection with other addicts and creating community in sobriety.
It gets me out of my head and shows me I’m not alone. This contributes to not wanting to start up again with addiction.
My father and mother. I will also reach out to another addict to create a bond and I will remain in contact with my sponsor.
Deleted triggering social media accounts. Established boundaries on using my cellphone. Gave my wife all access to my phone and passwords.
For me, that statements shows that only when we surrender ourselves to God completely can He help us in our journey. If we have one foot out or our looking for loopholes, we can’t have his full guidance because we aren’t fully committed.
The idea of not being able to stay sober without the help of others. I have always tried to carry all my burden on my own two shoulders believing they are my issues so I should not have to let others carry this burden with me and I need to solve all my problems on my own. Going to the meetings and learning from my brothers I have learned this couldn't be further from the truth. The last thing you should do is carry this addiction all by yourself, you will break under the pressure and relapse. Only by spreading out the pressure with others and come to learn to rely on them can you stay sober. It makes perfect sense; the pressure and area are inversely proportional. Lower the area (carrying everything yourself) higher the pressure (chances of relapsing).
I cannot do this recovery by myself. I need to share and open up about my struggles with other people. It is safer and easier for me to share when I know the people I am opening up to about my struggles are having the same struggles as I. Being able to share that common pain and strife makes it easier to look recovery in the face and work with it.
I have weekly therapy sessions at Monday at 7am. I also reach out to a close brother of mine Jesse weekly, he is my age and we really understand each other's struggle and what it is like to be our age and having this addiction.
I have deleted all accidental triggering social media accounts. I have now taped multiple papers around the room so I can read over and over what I need to do to have a progressive victory over my addiction and to recognize my faults and the steps to perform to overcome them.
We as the addict have to stop of our own free will, the thing that God gave to us in the beginning. I have to use that and purposefully surrender my sins, my addiction, my faults to him and others in my life. Only then will I be able to feel the love of God and his power will infect my soul so I can stay on the path of recovery.
We can't be sober in one area while acting out in another. I agree with this, but another part of me wants to allow lust/porn viewing with my wife as a way to create a greater bond. I'm not sure how to handle the material staying sober, except when with my wife.
Builds connection vs self obsession that happens when you act out alone. Gives an outlet to talk to other men that battle sexual addictions.
My wife
Getting the internet locked down at the house so the main pathway to viewing porn alone is blocked.
Surrendering the feeling to act out helps to release control over the feelings and emotions and turn them over to god to handle. Surrender is key to this program from what others have said.
Going to 12-step meetings is critical to my recovery and sobriety. I've talked to a couple of other men I know who stopped going to meetings because they thought they had the problem solved, and they have ended up continuing to struggle with their addictions. I know that this is now something I will need to do for the rest of my life.
The fellowship offers me an opportunity for weekly public surrender, hearing the experiences, strength, and hope of others, and sharing my experience, strength, and hope with others. The fellowship helps me to continually recognize that I have an addiction - and that I have to be open and honest with myself, with God, and with others about that. It helps me to recognize that I need help from others.
I am working on reaching out to more men in my 12-step group. I also connect with several men in my group therapy on a weekly basis, my individual therapist twice a month, and my ecclesiastical leader twice a month.
I've stopped viewing rated R movies and rated M TV shows and movies, and have started using Vid Angel to filter out language, nudity, sex, immodesty, violence, etc. for TV shows and movies that I want to watch. I've unfollowed many social media accounts that dress provocatively or otherwise display something that could cause me to have a lust trigger. I started using software on my phone and computer that sends a notification to an accountability partner of mine for anything that I visit that is questionable. I've also started to watch myself any time I start to objectify a female that I see, and try not to look at attractive females for any time longer than I need to.
Through sobriety (stopping lustful, addictive, compulsive behaviors) and recovery (surrendering my will to God and allowing His will to take precedence over my own), the power of God can become effective in taking my addiction (or at least taking the behaviors related to my addiction) from me.
the fact that people used to have to do a phone group on a 3 way line. That they were dedicated enough to go through all that effort is pretty amazing.
There is so much to learn from others, and if you never reach out, you'll never learn from or be supported by others. It also puts us in a position to help others.
Others in group.
None yet.
Just start listening and doing what group says. eventually things will start happening
The need to meet weekly with a support group.
The need to stop feeding my lust through the eyes, fantasies, and memories.
The need to stop feeding any form of lust I have. For me, that would include spending time on my phone doing puzzles; shopping on the internet.
I believe I will find strength in being part of a group that shares common challenges (sex addiction) and similar goals (sobriety and recovery).
Other group members (once I get the phone list)
My wife, in sharing things that would be appropriate to share with each other. We each will have our own sponsor, with whom we will share negative emotions etc. But, I know Camille will have times when she will need to share some of her pain with me or ask questions to better understand my addiction.
I don't have a sponsor yet. But, I have set the boundary to not spend time doing puzzles on my phone; to not spend money without talking to Camille first; to put prayer, scripture study, and 12 step work first in my day.
I need to do my part--taking advantage of the tools at hand, working with a group and with a therapist. But, my healing and recovery can only come as I connect daily with God, make Him my center, and surrender my will to His. It means to surrender my negative emotions to God throughout the day rather than expressing them to Camille.
How this is a progressive addiction and left unresolved, will get progressively worse.
Fellowship is what keeps me accountable to an actual supportive brother.
I commit to reaching out to the support group I’ve created with my fellowship of SAL and AA. I also reach out to God first, I pause, I ask for God’s guidance and then make a call and/or journal.
1. Not bringing my cell phone/laptop into the bathroom.
2. Not bringing my cell phone/laptop into my bedroom.
3. Let my partner know when someone reaches out to me in an inappropriate/flirting way.
4. That if I am dishonest, I have 24hrs to come “clean” with my dishonesty.
5. That I attend one zoom and one in person meeting a week.
6. Practice active listening with my partner once a week.
7. Attend couples therapy 1-2x a month.
8. Attend individual therapy 2x a month.
Also including new hobbies Ive picked up to replace bad habits, drawing, coloring, bike riding.
The power of slow down, pausing or closing my mouth… allows me to let God into my thinking. The obsession of my thoughts will send me out of control with my thoughts and feelings, which in the past would lead towards numbing out and my addictions. Slowing down, allows Gods grace to enter my thoughts and heart, which allows me to become responsive and not reactive.
Lying by omission. I think most of us, even if we're honest people, can relate to this for of lying in addiction.
I personally prefer a face to face fellowship because I like to feel the energy of the group.
On average I talk to 4 - 5 program people everyday.
I have porn blockers on all of my electronic devices. I also attend 1 to 2 12 step meetings a day.
When we're not in our active addiction and taking strides to concur this addiction it becomes easier to see God's intentions for us.
Fellowship is key to success ... can not do it alone
Need to stop acting out in all forms (can not stop one and still be active in another form). Need to stop ANY act of LUST in any form. There can not be any true recovery if we let it persist in any form (actions & thinking).
The program doesn't tell us how to stop, we did it many times, it tell us how not to START AGAIN.
We wanted others to fix us, now we stop and in our surrender, the power of GOD becomes effective in us!
Get the support of other, not feel alone in our struggle. Get their experience and way they manage similar issues successfully but also their struggles... all are struggling in some ways and can share how they manage to overcome.
be comfortable to be vulnerable with an audience you trust so no secret is kept hidden.
Feel better about myself with my sickness: not alone & accepted by others!
Goal to reach one every day (Gary, Justin B - GA, Lynman, Chris S - TX, ...)
The first boundaries are here to limit exposure to views that could be triggering and create a slippage; therefore limited usage of computer and phone beyond work utilization. I am not yet where I could be as I still use news app or Youtube that can have some challenging content / views.
There first need to have some intention ... the one of stopping. Before we were expecting that others would help us get "repaired" and this time, while we are still in control. This time we give control to God through our surrendering. We have proven to be powerless over lust and our life had became unmanageable... So now we need to let the power of God be effective in us, let God lead!
meetings - always. no excuse. I'm still trying to work out why we need that, but as the book seems to imply - it's not known why it works, it just does and it's necessary.
not completely sure - as above, I don't know, but I'm willing to work on it.
I'll make at least one call to someone on the contact list (someone other than my sponsor.)
I've taken most of the social media off my phone.
in a way, it's a trust thing - we express our trust in god (even a little) by stopping and as we do, our trust (faith?) is rewarded by god's help - usually in ways we won't/can't recognize yet.
Haven’t read it yet but will as soon as the book arrives I will
just read it now, what i liked the best was the "doing things- anything- got me out of myself and into the real world.
Interaction with others keeps us accountable. Knowing I am not alone and there are people that will listen and have guidance and wisdom
Fellow brothers in the tuesday night group
Kenny b
Andre s
Dave h
certain websites, time in which the phone is on, and giving access to Zoe on a daily basis
Conscious decisions to surrender to god and let the moment pass. Trust that this will work and work the steps daily until it’s effective
I’m not waiting for someone else to stop me, the therapist, the spouse or god. I stop, and in my surrender I call upon the power of god. It stuck out to me because I guess I’ve always been waiting for someone else to do the stopping, I must do it, and then call upon god, the fellowship members and others for my support, especially god
By being surrounded by other like minded people it helps get me outside of myself where I can easily be lost in my thinking, and helps make the recovery process real
I’ll reach out to members of the fellowship each day, and try to connect with them
I don’t know if I have any specific boundaries. But I’ve made a renewed commitment to turn to the lord in all my struggles
I believe it to mean I must make the decision to stop, do everything I can to stay stopped. And then when debilitating temptations and tribulations come along, turn to the lord and reach out to him. Also connect regularly with other members of the fellowship
Getting involved in meetings. the meetings I have gone to so far have been good. I have felt that I am Not alone, I see the success of members whether it be short or 10 years. I have left feeling energized and ready to conquer Life.
I think Its essential to both ourselves and others. In ourselves it shows a commitment. the Brotherhood of the fellowship helps us to overcome our weeknesses
I Need to figure that out. I haven't reached out to anyone yet. I might reach out to Duncan or someone else. I do talk to family and friends week but not so much about recovery and addiction.
hm the link doesn't work.
I have put content blocker on my internet. removed reddit from my phone
as we are abstinent the power of god helps us be sober as well as have the spirit with us.
The link above does not work. I have set boundaries for myself. I do not have any apps, other than amazon on my phone and realize that i need to dispose of the amazon app as well. I feel ashamed.
If we DO NOT stop, then the power of God cannot become effective in us. If we DO NOT surrender, then the power of God cannot become effective in us. I must stop, I must surrender.
The level of my recovery equates to the amounts to my participation in the "fellowship".
I have been really improving my relationship with God through my morning scripture study and prayer. This have allowed me to have great power and ability to stay close to Him. However, I have started to feel complacent in working the steps of recovery through becoming entrenched in the fellowship. I would like to be ALL IN.
Russell
Marcus
Devin
Russ
Matt
Jonathan
I will not bring my phone into the bathroom. Ever
I loved the statement in the reading that we didn't need help stopping. We had done that a thousand times. What we needed help with is not starting again. It is in our surrender to God, in admitting that we were powerless over the lust that it starts to have less power over us. When I surrender that. When I give it to God I receive His strength and His power.
How much it related to me. About thinking I could do it alone
Because I’m not in this alone
My wife
That when we stop letting this sinful addiction control our lives. That’s we can start growing as individuals in the right direction
