Men’s Step 0 – Day 1

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Meeting in a group has been one way to help provide sobriety

It helps us get outside ourselves

Other’s in my group

No tv alone
No scanning on phone
Three second rule

Surrendering gets all the hits out and keeps getting them out

That without participation in the fellowship of meetings there seems to be no recovery. Why?- explanation’s in the wording

Because up to this point I haven’t been able to stay sober. I want to know how to stay stopped, or from how to keep starting again

I have no sponsor and no one identified to reach out to. I guess my brother

No social media. Phone restrictions. No contact order with previous woman

I have no idea. Bc when I’ve stopped in the past, I don’t feel the power of God becoming effective in me has been expressed if I still resort back

I left my book at work and was unable to read it, but one huge thing is how vital it is to cut out all forms of lust. I cannot be sober in one area while indulging in another. There are zero acceptable forms of lust. Relapse is not part of recovery.

I need to get outside of myself. I need to see others and learn from them. I need to have a commitment to follow. I need to serve others. I need to feel seen and heard.

I don't yet have a sponsor and I must find one. I am also committed to reporting daily to my wife and regularly to Pres. Holman.

I will not go onto Facebook, Instagram, or Tiktok for any reason. I will only go on YouTube with strict limits and I won't allow myself to watch any video other than the one that brought me there in the first place. I have deleted all social media, streaming, and gaming apps from my phone and will never download them again. I will attend recovery meetings twice weekly.

Without sobriety there is no recovery. Sobriety means abandoning lust in all its forms. Relapse is not a part of recovery, it is part of the addiction cycle. I have to determine that I will never allow lust of any kind back into my life.

The need for fellowship and being consistent with attendance and the development of accountability.

To obtain real sobriety and keep it . Also giving back to others as I progress

At this point my therapist Alex that I have been meeting with 2 years

I haven’t dove into this yet, but do plan on doing so.

That if I acknowledge God as my savior and if I fully surrender and realize I am powerless over this addiction

The parts that most stuck out to me was the stop feeding our addiction. I have realized the past few week that I have been feeding my addiction with my emotions. Rage, negativity, sadness, self defeat, anger, resentment. Even though I haven't acted out in years I have been constantly throwing my emotions into an endless black hole.

I think it is essential because we become unbound, we loose the chains that we have forged throughout our addiction. The more we put it into the light for others to hear, see, and feel empathy the more we are helping ourselves. It seem counter intuitive to share dark and sad stories but there is truly something beautiful in throwing darkness into light. If we let fear in our addiction thrive we never give hope a chance therefore the bigger the support group, the ore people who know the more free we become.

I am looking for a sponsor and someone to reach out to. I do reach out to my therapist

1. I will not at any point go to places were I have acted out, smiths, or work.
2. I will not approach any woman if I am lusting.
3. If a see a woman lusting after me I will leave immediatley and phone my sponsor or support to help figure out a solution.
4. I will not text anyone who I am lusting after. Period.
5. I will take a deep breath and a pause and figure out why I am lusting, what my emotions are and work through the problem.
6. I will not get any phone number, email, instagram or anyform of communication from any woman where lust is a factor.
7. If by chance a normal relationship with a woman becomes lustful I will talk to my sponsor and end the relationship immediatley to protect myself.
8. I will work the program, which includes scripture study, sal study or whitebook, surrendering, prayer, pause app, therapy, 12 step meetings, 12 step practice, medicine, reaching out and any other form of self help.
9. I will be honest with myself to know what my state of mind I am in to remain healthy and humble.
10. I will start my morning, throughout the day and night surrendering all I am to the will of god.

In our surrendering we ackowledge we are nothing without god. He does all the supporting since we are weak. when we ackowledge we need god power and love to truly live that is when fear and the addiction part, but we must do this always. The more we feel and know what we are going through the more help we can seek and surrender to god.

It stuck out to me that they talked about how they were selfish and they would do things and think things that were self-centered. When I was listening, I recognized that in myself, but it took a while for me to be willing to surrender that and be less selfish. it was helpful for me to recognize it though, which eventually led to me changing.

When I reach out to others, my self-deception and self-centeredness can't hide, and I have to surrender those things. It is so important for me to keep myself from isolating because when I do, I am not accountable and I don't keep my goals, and I begin to deceive myself into thinking that everything is fine and that I don't need to work on my recovery.

At least one person each day who has over 1 year of sobriety, my wife each day, and my bishop at least each week.

"I will not shame myself, neither for anything I have done, nor for how others react."

I cannot overcome some of the temptations and trials that are presented to me by myself. Instead, I need to stop for a moment, realize that I need help, and surrender my will to God and let Him guide me to do what's right. When I do this, the spirit can give me strength and God will reveal a way for me to escape the temptation.

Participation in meetings/fellowship. Living in my own head is part of the problem. How I show up to the meeting is a measure of my recovery. Maybe I should attend a local meeting instead of 2 Zoom meetings. I must be part of others or I cannot maintain recovery. I must stop feeding lust. Become willing to get rid of the other addictions plaguing my life.... I am the one who stops. It is my choice to stop and the choice to not start again. Then in my surrender is when the power of God becomes effective in me.

To get out of myself. To be vulnerable. To let feelings out. I have performance anxiety and social anxiety. In a meeting I can let that out.

I should call Braydon as well

What boundaries. I think I would like Harvey's take on this for sure. I don't think that I have enough boundaries. It is important that I interact physically with myself, the world, and other. To live a physically healthy lifestyle.
A boundary that I should put up at work, is that regardless of how much time I do, or don't spend at work, I am valuable to God. That clients success or failures are not reflections of my value. That my level of involvement in work does not make me better or worse. I would also say that I should be willing to say no to sex and not eyeball my wife. To not come onto her. Remove sexual language

I believe this is a choice. It is my choice to stop. I choose to stop and then surrender it to God. I am not strong enough to overcome this without your help. I have tried. Please lift me and help me.

One part that stuck with me today was the phrase that said, “commit yourself to your group… attend every meeting on time… the measure of such commitment will be the measure of your recovery.” That’s a pretty power comment. If I want to have a dedicated recovery then I need to be dedicated to my group. I am already kind of feeling this and it makes me excited.
Another thing I noticed is that this program will not stop me from acting out, I can stop. The program will keep me from starting again.

My addiction thrives on isolation. Every time I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and let them fester then I have acted out. Having a fellowship of brothers makes it easy to reach out and get help.
Also, this week there were a lot of guys gone at Warriors Heart camp which made it seem that it was important that there were some people committed to going to the meeting. Without members there, there is no meeting.

I am committed to reaching out to a few guys this week from my group. Specifically Nic and Andrew are some that I talked to this week and asked if I could speak with them. It is my goal to speak with someone every day though.

I have a couple boundaries that have been set specifically with Megan. I feel that more need to be set but the time required for that is more than I can do right this second. I did download the document though to help set my boundaries.
1. If I act out at work then I sleep on the ground when I get home.
2. If I act out at home then I sleep on the ground.
3. If I act out in close proximity (ie. acting out in the same room as Megan or Noah) then I sleep on the ground in another room.

To me this statement revolves around choice. I CHOOSE to stop. I am not forced to stop by anyone. Then as I reach out to God to surrender it becomes effective because I choose to give up to God. If my choice is not involved then I don’t let go. My surrender becomes empty words spoken.

The importance of belonging to a group.

The strength to comes being around others working the same program.

Keep a safe distance form others.
Only using indiviual bathrooms or stalls with a door that locks.
Not going to crusing spots.
Not being along.

I admit to God and I am powerless over my addiction. God has to take charge of my life. I must surrender to Him for succesw.

It’s always a good reminder to hear that this is a lifelong endeavor. Meetings will always be a part of life.

I’ve found the value in community already. It brings connection and a grounding experience.

I want to reach out to Jon again. Maybe Kelly too. I’ll text Kelly to see how he’s doing with step 4.

What are my current boundaries? Do I have any? Oh yes. Intentionally looking at triggering images. Going out of my way to prolong seeing a triggering person. Those are the main ones.

I don’t know. I feel like I guess I stop, but then not starting again is all about God. I will relapse today if left to my own accords.

That you can masturbate to a blank wall and still be resorting to your drug. My drug isn’t just pornography, it’s the numbing release that comes from indulging in lustful desires. Masturbating to nothing is still acting out lustfully.

Because being around people that are at different levels of the path you’re on, it’s both comforting, empowering, and sobering.

My Dad. I also need to pick a sponsor.

I have to create my list and write them down, then I will immediately share them with the appointed people.

Instead of stopping and doing everything WE can do to continue stopping, we stop and allow god to take the wheel from there. We stop, turn to him, and ask him what we need to do.

The part that stuck out to me was the importance of reaching out and meeting with other men. In having a safe place to discuss our addictions and tendancies.

Because, I've tried to be completely clean for 20+ years and have never been able to completely sustain it. It sounds like having others to confide in and help is the key here.

I don't have a sponsor yet and haven't thought about reaching out to anyone else. It sounds like I need to figure that out though.

No sexually-charged movies or television shows
No lusting
No lying
No watching TV alone
I will attend one 12-Step meeting each week.
I will do daily Step Work.
I will take accountability when you have a trauma reaction.
I will take a time-out when I feel myself losing my temper with Liz or the kids.
I will take a daily inventory and when I am wrong I will promptly admit it.
I will work to be humble, honest, and accountable in my daily interactions.

I understand this to mean that I take accountability for my actions and that I am the only one that can choose what I do. In that, I also understand that I am and have been powerless to beat it on my own and therefore have to surrender to God's help to overcome. I cannot do that by simply asking God to stop it for me. I have to surrender and do the things that I need to do to make it happen.

I liked how the measure of our commitment to our group and attending our meetings will be the measure of our recovery. Along with, "without regular participation in the fellowship, there seems to be no recovery." These stuck out to me because its the regular participation in the fellowship that helps us in recovery. The more committed I am to connecting with others, the increase in my quality of recovery.

It's essential because it gets us out of ourselves, gets us connected to others which is key for maintaining sobriety and recovery, and shows us how to keep from starting again.

This week I'm committed to reaching out to my friend in recovery Kade who I met while down in Utah.

No specific boundaries put in place formally and shared with my sponsor. I need to work on those. One of the things I have done though is not only stopped acting out, but I've gotten rid of all my forms of acting out. This will help me be more successful.

That trusting in God and allowing Him to do what we cannot allows us to successful do what we otherwise couldn't on our own.

Needing to be part of others - a REAL struggle for me.
Needing to stop feeding lust - particularly thru the eyes and fantasy.
Needing to control resentment - even towards myself.

Because nothing else has worked and if I don't, I'm only left to me, myself, and I and we know where that leads.

No one currently. Don't even reach out to my sponsor currently weekly. Don't know why.

No porn. Ever.
Only look at people from the chin up.
Recognize and attempt to prevent resentment towards me and my wife - particularly related to my wife's trauma situation.
Recognize and stop any lustful thoughts that may enter my mind.

I guess it means I can't do this by myself. Need to stop trying to do it on my own as I fail EVERY time.

recovery is not possible without honesty. Honesty has been a problem for me. Fear drives much of this and pride.

this is a we program. The fellowship helps us get and stay sober so we can find recovery

Brandon. I'll ask him to be an accountability partner,

no phone in the bathroom or in bed.
looking for more than a second is lusting and breaking a bottom line.
missing meetings is breaking a bottom line

When we stop and give our will to the father, we are in essence saying, ok God. I cant do this on my own. I need you to drive and he will drive if we let him.

The accountability factor. The fact that no one seems to stay free from their addiction acting as a lone wolf.

To realize that others have similar or the same addiction. We can't do it alone. Even one person is better than none.

At this time I don't have a sponsor. There are no meetings that I found in my area. So, I'm praying for someone other than my therapist to help me.

I downloaded the "Setting Healthy Boundaries" sheet and will print it out. My experience in setting boundaries has involved my ex wife, and some very toxic people , most of whom I have little contact with.

That we realize the power to stop and not start again is not found in us. It's when we fully surrender to God that His power becomes effective in our life's.

I am coming to terms with idea that half measure availath me nothing. This section brought that idea out in my mind as it talked about staying stopped by casting aside all triggers, patterns, and behaviors that even leads toward acting out.

For me participation is essential because it is a safe place for me to challenge my addictive cycles and patterns. Others sharing with complete honesty from their experience often shines a bright light into the darkness of my denials and lies. They also accept me as I am right now, they dont condone or defend my poor behavior and will call me out when need be but they dont reject me either.

My commitment is not yet complete. I am still backing away from the hell of isolation. But my list includes my therapy group, jeremiah, God, Chris, and a few others I have met at group.

None at this point. I had a list for a while but I found I was not committed to keeping them so I have put them aside for now.

I have to give it away. He will not take it, no one can take it from me. If it is not my choice to give then it is not surrender.

To be a part of the meeting. Consistency is what I am lacking.

To get it out of my head and surrender it to the group


Our plan

Stop and listen to what Gods will is.

I am reminded of when I started going to meetings over a year ago. It was one of the scariest things I have ever done. The first meeting I joined via Zoom and only stayed for a few minutes before leaving. I decided to try it again so joined another Zoom meeting and at first, I did not turn on my camera because I was embarrassed. The moderator messaged me individually and asked that I do so and introduce myself as I was new to the meeting. After getting over the initial embarrassment I felt such a weight off my shoulders. I had found my place. It is a little hard to describe but I felt different. I was no longer keeping things to myself and it felt liberating. After the meeting, I got ready for bed and Missy said I looked really happy and was also surprised at the benefits of the meeting. We were going through a tough spot in our marriage because of my addiction but she could see something had changed in my mind...even if just a little bit and that gave her a lot of confidence that I would be able to overcome the addiction by working the steps.

SAL meetings have been an integral part of my recovery. I have met some amazing men that have dealt with sex addiction. Their examples inspire me to be and do better. I am accountable to my group to participate and that helps me get out of myself like the reading mentioned. I also participate in the fellowship of the program by sponsoring others that are working the steps. This has also been a key to my recovery.

I don't regularly talk with my sponsor anymore, though maybe I should start doing that again. I have felt a decrease in my commitment lately and I think I need some accountability in that area. I also talk with my sponsees each week and usually take few recovery calls.

No mindless browsing of youtube (been a problem lately even if not looking to lust). This is probably one of the bigger issues for me. I think it simple yet complicated. When I use my phone to mindlessly browse the internet and youtube my mind switches to entertainment mode and eventually I want to be entertained by lustful content. It is a primer to my brain to want other things. I need to be better and do better. I didn't even really ever go to YouTube for a year while working recovery except for when links were sent to me and the content was not troubling. I found no desire to browse YouTube and I felt free from its constant barrage of content. Well, I am started to slip back into old habits and I need to get rid of it "one day at a time"

Recovery is a choice we make and the first choice is to stop. Without that initial desire and decision we cannot give ourselves to God. God cannot make us stop because he values our agency. However, I can make the choice to stop but unless I give myself to God and surrender my desires to Him it is quite likely that I will start and stop again and again and again. Like the reading said, "for a thousand and one times." God's power is more that sufficient to help me stay stopped if I allow Him to.

Fellow ship is crucial to recovery. I keep learning more and more and experiencing more and more why I can't do this alone. Having someone in the fellowship to tangibly talk to is a stepping stone to connecting with God through prayer and working with him.
- Commitment to the group. I need to commit to the group on Sunday, be on time, and reach out to other members. I got Joseph Z number and I will reach out to him.
-I also have to STOP. Not only the acting out but especially the area of thinking. I have to realize how poisonous a though can be if I let it percolate. This thinking also brings with it just living inside my own head. I have realized how selfish I am when it comes to taking care of myself, expressing emotions it is all about myself and maybe that is what they call "victimization". Getting outside of my head by calls and sharing helps dispell some self-centeredness but also serving Kari is really important too.

It shows where my heart is. It is what gets me outside of my head and latched on to something other than myself and my own self will. It is a step of surrender.

Well, I don't actually have a sponsor so that is issue number 1 that I need to address. I have set on time on Tuesdays to meet with Chuyen and I usually reach out to Russ as well.

"No" Bottom Lines
No viewing online pornography
No reading sexually explicit or suggestive material
No masturbating including chest stimulation
No mindless use of social media ie. Facebook, Youtube, Gmail
No going to bed with lust preoccupying thoughts

Positive Bottom Lines
I will attend at least one SAL group meeting a week
I will do daily Step Work
I will check in daily with my wife or an accountability partner

Stopping is the first step to getting on the path and showing where our heart is and what direction we want to go. But after that surrender is the only place to turn to so that I can keep from starting again. It is a demonstration of faith, through our surrender, that we trust God and let his power change us mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

"For most of us, without associating in some way with other recovering individuals, there is no lasting sobriety and none of the fringe benefits of recovery, growth, freedom, and joy".

I am not totally convinced of this yet. I don't see why associating with others is a necessary part of recovery. Why can't I recover with God's help alone? I have been sober for almost 5 months without actively participating in meetings. I know I haven't really worked recovery, but why is this such an important part of recovery according to those that have found it?

"We stop feeding the lust through the eyes, the fantasy, the memory."

I have stopped feeding it through the eyes in certain ways but it still gets nibbles when I am out public and see women dressed in certain ways. This is an ongoing part of my progressive victory over lust. Once it starts with the eyes from something that I am involuntarily exposed to, the fantasy is not close behind. In weak moments, memory serves as a food source for the lust. I don't know how I can ever fully remove that source. I don't know if the memories will ever be taken from my mind.

I am not sure about the answer to this question as I described above.

Some potential ideas:
- Sharing and opening up to others allows for humility, which is one of the two necessary ingredients along with faith to allow God to make weak things become strong unto us
- It is a safe, anonymous space for us to share freely so that we can be honest with ourselves and learn to share in appropriate ways to that we can help others that come into our path that need our help
- Seeing and learning from others that have recovered before us gives us hope that we can do the same

I don't have a sponsor yet.

I have not committed to reaching out to anyone regularly.

3 second rule.
No scrolling social media.
No wathcing TV or browsing internet after wife is in bed (going to bed with wife whenever possible).

The only way to overcome addiction is to surrender it to God. The pattern of behavior that the addict must become an expert at is noticing when addictive behavior is about to occur, stepping back, stopping the progression, and surrendering the trigger and associated thoughts and emotions to God so that He can take them away or strengthen you to stop them in their tracks and stay safe.

"We can't be sober in one area while acting out in another" I think this stuck out to me because I had a recent slip and have been minimizing it. I need to acknowledge that it was acting out.

Absolutely! I can't do this alone! It's so much better when I rely on God and others. I really get a lot out of connecting with my brothers in recovery!

Other members of my group and to check in with my wife.

Don't watch any media with nudity.
Go to 2 meetings a week.
Don't watch TV in hotel rooms.
Don't enter a woman's name in a search engine.
Don't search for lustful things.
Don't look at an alluring add for more than 3 seconds.
Don't click on anything that could take me to lustful images.
Don't use incognito mode or similar in a browser.
Don't browse the internet without a purpose.

When I surrender my will to God, he removes my compulsion.

"What we are really saying when we start meeting with others is, "I have to stop; please help me.""

My nature is to want to isolate and go the road on my own. I'm often uncomfortable conversing with others and feel dumb. But I know working these challenges with others is key to progression. I wish I had close friends in the program. I need to figure out how to get past the surface level friendships with some people from groups.

By far what has helped me the most is speaking to others in the group. It's uncomfortable but really pushed me out of myself which is the crux of the program.

My wife. I also need to reach out to others in the group. I need to be willing to include others.

I need to think through and set real boundaries.

The key to not starting again is surrendering my will to God and letting him fight the fight instead of me trying to control things. I also think God's methods are to turn and ask for help from others. So i can't do this alone.

I previously read this before doing this portion of th eonline program and the thing that stuck out to me was how accurate it was. I am super lucky to have an awesome support system snd a sponsor who gave a brief explanation of this. I was practicing this a day after admitting that i had this addiction and I just naturally followed these steps.

I felt very alone when I first admitted that I had an addiction. I went to a SAL meeting the next night and I just felt like a was part of a community, and was validated in my feelings. It’s okay to feel but you need to make sure you are still honest yourself.

Someone from my meeting I’m going to tomorrow. If I feel the need to reach out.

Getting rid of certain apps on my phone and following my instinct when to go outside and or to go see a friend. Allowing my self not to cage myself.

A higher power can and will help is if we let it. A higher power can be many things but ultimately we just need to let it go from within ourselves and let whoever is listening, take it.

It was reiterated to me the importance of surrendering my craving to God and not try to fight them. It is also something that Sara Brewer talks about on her podcast. She shares that you have to feel your feelings. When the urges come, don't fight them, but acknowledge them and give them to God.

There is also a focus on bringing darkness to the light.

You have to work the steps or they wont work for you.

Being with others who have struggled helps you to see things for what they are. It is easy to become disillusioned by the fantasy of the life of lust. Being with others and hearing their stories helps us stay connected to real life and to see the lie of the fantasy.

Erin. I love her. Also, my bishop is working with me. I am on my path to get married in the temple on August 6th.

I have the 24 hour rule with Erin. I am also implementing that with my bishop. Esentially, if I slip up, I wont be able to marry Erin in the temple. I am pretty motivted to marry her in the temple on August 6th.
• No viewing online pornography
• No flirting with women
• No sexually-charged movies or television shows
• No checking out women’s bodies—only look at people from the chin-up
• No lying

By giving our struggles to God, He empowers us to overcome. We must stop and give our urges to God for Him to empower us.