Men’s Step 0 – Day 1

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I cannot do it alone I need to participate in my group and talk about my problems so other members could hear it and I can learn from it and maybe someone else

I think it’s important because other members will benefit and I will become stronger and see my flaws by hearing me tell people what I’m doing wrong

I will call two other members and work on getting a sponsor

I am staying away from tablets iPad and also just getting on the Internet. Also when I’m alone, I am listening to books and podcast about my sex addiction

By putting my mind to say to stop and ask for help, it’ll help me look outside myself and to know that I’m not alone and that I can ask for help at any time

That without some sort of fellowship/camaraderie/brotherhood true recovery is not possible

For me I was able to prove to myself that I was finally ready to do whatever it took to maintain sobriety. I also never had someone I could talk to and relate to about real issues going on in my life.

I have a handful of guys I talk to fairly regularly. Chris S, Josh D, Nate L, Brandon P

My current boundaries I have now are
No driving on the road behind hot creek
Informing my wife every time I have to go to hot creek and not going up there unless I have to adjust the water
Informing my wife before getting on YouTube

The beginning is finding some form of sobriety and that it really isn't possible without God helping me through it. All I have to do is ask for his enabling power.

Without associating with other recovering individuals, there is no lasting sobriety.

Yes

No one, I need to expand that.

No phone in bathroom
Give phone to wife when she asks without fighting about it
See a therapist once or twice a month

God will take this away, but we have to let Him

I like the idea of sure sing to God. I still don’t understand it completely but it feels right

I feel that God works through others to help myself. He wants me to learn brought others and develop relationships because in the end, that is what really matters most.

Josh, Dad

- No phone in bedroom at night unless I share a room. If so, leave electronics away from reach of my bed.
- No video games. Only with another person
- No checking sports after dinner

Realizing because of my ongoing weakness, at least in this life it is only through God that the power within me is fully realized.

I realized that the hardest part of recovery for me is consistency. I have been blessed with a great body, where if I am consistent at the gym, I gain muscle very quickly, but it’s so hard for me to be consistent. I know when I am consistent with my daily routine, spiritual practice, meetings, etc I am able to stay in recovery, its just so hard for me to do it every single day.

So that I can keep myself in check and not think that I have this thing beat for good every time I am experiencing a period of reprieve.

Leo, Landon, Jake Baker,

- No Social Media apps on my phone. I can download for specific purposes, like messaging or checking up on someone or recruiting posts, and then delete them again when I am done, so that I don’t waste my time on them.

- If I have to sleep alone, leave my iPad and phone charging in a separate room.

- Don’t be on screens after 10:00 pm

That we have to take the first step in our recovery by choosing or at least desiring to obtain from our compulsive behavior to create space for God to enter and begin working in us.

Having to surrender to the group and trust by telling our stories. I’ve failed to do that with my group and have some shame about it, so I kept hiding my sobriety from the group.

Hearing the stories of others, learning how to work the steps, having the support of fellow brothers going through this, so many more reasons

My therapist

Made a letter detailing how I’m going to finish blocking the internet and shared with my wife

We can’t surrender the lust to god if our minds are filled with trash. Connection on the spiritual level requires an open and giving mind, to give yourself to god and the process of healing.

The main part was about how self-absorbed the addiction side is. Not only is the selfishness, pride, and actual actions focused on myself, but the pain and negative consequences are as well. This kind of behavior creates a pain that I couldn't go to my spouse with, which means that it just continues to accumulate and I'm left trying to fix it by doing more of what caused it in the first place.

Because it forces you to go outside of yourself. You have to regularly admit to others that you have a problem and in a small way rely on them to support you. That forces you to focus on others and to not be self-absorbed.

Not anyone specific, but I have a couple people that I have started talking to from group that I am planning on reaching out to (Lou and Jake).

I haven't printed any out, but I have specific boundaries in place with my wife on what kind of apps/content I can have on my phone, when I can be on my phone, having accountability apps on my phone and computer for her, reporting on slips, talking through my progress, etc.

I think it means that we have to accept that our actions will only push the problem away, it won't remove it. Once we recognize that we aren't the ones that remove the problem from us, then is God able to step in and remove it. He can't act until we surrender, because if he acts when we haven't surrendered we will likely just think that it was us doing the work and that would ruin it.

I still don't get how people who are addicted stop. How they put together any sobriety. I know I NEED to stop, but I don't WANT to stop, and unless somebody is literally with me all the time, I'm going to do what I WANT to do when the desire comes up. I keep seeing "sobriety" as a beginning point in all my recovery studies, but it seems like that's so far out for me because I don't have a desire to be sober. I have a desire to desire to be sober.

Being a part of something larger than myself gets me out of my self-obsession cycle. The more I'm with others, think about others, or look up to others, the less I am thinking about myself and what I want.

I don't have other commitments. I used to have an accountability partner but they fell off the map. I speak to my father regularly. I have a few other numbers but am not good at contacting them.

I have not outlined any boundaries and am not sure what appropriate boundaries are. I feel like I could either be too aggressive with the boundaries I set or perhaps not aggressive enough. I have rarely heard of people discussing boundaries and how to appropriately use them.

I interpret this to mean I need to white knuckle my addiction for a bit and stop acting out. Then, after I've given it an effort, God comes in and provides the rest of the power needed to remain stopped. The only issue is I really feel powerless. When the desire comes, I don't know how to resist. I don't know how to white knuckle. Somebody can tell me that I need to reach out to somebody in that moment. Or I need to do step work or pray. But that all requires some amount of power to do one good action before giving in and acting out on the bad desire. But I am powerless, so I don't know how to make that first good choice before going right to the bad one.

I needed this reading today. The only way to Stop is to recognize the behaviors. Any part of acting out, pre-occupation and ritualization are just a millimeter away from acting out. Once we act out, the shame is so immense. No one is going to stop for us. God, Family, No One. Only I can stop, then surrender, then you will feel the power of God in your life.

I love going to meetings. There are people who know how I think and know how incredibly hard this is. I am not alone. They comfort me in their stories, I don't judge them and they don't judge me. There is true connection with them.

Jake, Jozie, Jordan, Derrick, Jay, John, and lots of my SA and DS Brothers. I love everyone in my group.

Green, Yellow, Red.....My Outer Circles, my Medium Circle, and my Inner Circle. No Cruising, No Scanning, No Conversations with Opposite Sex unless a specific reason and intention.

This was the sentence that hit me the hardest today. Its up to me. No one is going to do it. I have to take the leap of faith and trust fall into His arms. I have to choose....scary as it is, surrender, and wait for Him to catch me

The importance of fellowship was emphasized a lot. Lately, I've become more aware how God works through others, individuals or programs, to reach me. I have to accept God in the guise of the imperfect sexaholic on a phone call or the imperfect recovery organization that, though crude and imperfect, becomes a channel of the God connection for me.

I think it works as a catalyst or a metaphor of my submission to God. As the White Book says, there's no such thing as surrender in the abstract. It has to be connected to something tangible. The fellowship is one tangible form of my submission and willingness to actually work recovery. This isn't a mental/intellectual ordeal. For some reason, in this physical realm my actions, in order to gain spiritual consequence, are most effective when associated with tangibles like words, rituals, actions, fellowship, calls, inventories, etc.
At first, I thought I could work an intellectual program but I've learned that it is not so.

I regularly reach out to people from group. I get at least one call in most days.

I have decided not to play chess online—that one shares the compulsive element of my addiction and has led to justifying lust-browsing since it categorically relates to my compulsivity. I have generally decided at work to stay off of YouTube and other video-hosting platforms. I already rarely ever go on social media but I don't have that as an explicit boundary. My usage of social media, scarce as it is, hasn't posed any problems or led to acting out. Browsing is the big culprit. Giving myself liberty to scroll through pictures or videos often leads to feeding lust.

I have to recognize that portion of my experience that I can control mentioned in the serenity prayer. I can stop and lay down my instruments of lust. I can choose to sacrifice my usage of media, my privileges that have led to lust such as browsing through videos or images liberally. I can lay those privileges down and then God can rid me of the obsession and diseased thinking.

The critical nature of attending group. connecting with others to get out of my head, and using that also a form of service

to get out of my head, to serve through participation, to get strength and hope through other's stories

My spouse, other members of the group, I will pray and ask to help the one who is still sick.

none, so I will start by saying no tv if I am alone, no facebook if I am alone, pray when out and about, not go places I know will be triggering.

That I make the choice to stop, but at that point I let go of doing it my way, and let God be at the helm of my life. That I give up trying to fix it my way which I know if a failure, and I give it back to God, so that recovery becomes a guarantee, rather than a guaranteed failure,

The part about starting sobriety on a full stomach really got to me. I realized for the first time that the door I walked through came from a point of binging. I had had “enough” in every sense of the word. It made me pause, especially in the context of the chapters warnings about future challenges. I think it impressed on me the terrible need to surrender. What I have tried before is not sufficient. I need to stop doing things my way—it doesn’t work. I need to trust others who are on the path to sobriety.

I have become more isolated in my personal space. At work, I am outgoing, like to be with people, and have “work friends.” I live a different life at home. Either as a result of my addiction or growing along with it, my isolation has become soul-sapping. I’m distant from my wife. I love my kids but also don’t connect with them in the ways they most need it. I have few close friends. In my isolation, I have gotten sicker and see participating in the fellowship as a radical change in my life’s direction. Without this sort of change, I do not believe I will be able to have lasting sobriety.

I am going to start going to another meeting, making two per week. At the other meeting apart from my church, I hear there is a good network of people I can open up to. I plan to reach out to someone every day.

I haven’t done this yet, but I need to. I think I need to learn more about the “ritualization” written about in the White Book. I know that I had certain patterns of acting out including locations and times of day. Perhaps putting boundaries in place at those times can be hedges against temptation.

Before, I begged repeatedly for God to wrench out of me this terrible curse. I wanted him to make me change in a sort of passive-aggressive act. Now, I give up my sin. I choose to stop—stop the behavior but also stop fighting with myself and doing things my way. I give up. I choose to trust him and trust that he works through others to lead me out of the pit. I choose to accept my way as insufficient or even harmful. By surrendering my will to his, I can finally be free for him to work his miracle in my soul.

I think it's awesome to hear about the people who've traveled more than a hundred miles to meet with others. Those people truly understand the importance and power of fellowshipping with others going through the same thing. I like the emphasis put on the participation in these groups. "The fellowship of sobriety is where the action is, where the magic is, where the feeling of identification is, where the real connection is". I believe in the power of fellowship in this program. It's a crucial step and I can feel the difference.

Exposing my addiction to my wife in the first place gave me more strength to abstain than I have ever experienced in my life. Keeping things to myself was my undeniable downfall. I came to a realization that I cannot overcome this on my own. I spent nearly 20 years thinking that I could, but I can't. I felt even more strength to stay sober as I started to attend meetings. the spirit in the room, the camaraderie and brotherhood, the connection with those who truly understand what I'm going through and who are wanting to fight as hard as I do. It helps me be vulnerable and expose my addiction and character flaws, which I've found helps me be more in control of sobriety. It also helps with accountability when coupled with a sponsor. I believe accountability and honesty are essential to overcoming this addiction

I'm committed to reach out to a different member of the group every day of the week. In the conversation I want to surrender something, then to say something I'm grateful for then to check in on how they're doing so they have the opportunity to do the same. It's a challenge my sponsor gave me and it's something that gives me anxiety, but I know I need to break out of the introvert in me and I'm up for the challenge. I know it'll help strengthen the sense of brotherhood in our group and will also help me feel more comfortable reaching out to someone and be truly vulnerable in real times of need.

I pray every day that I'll be blest with eyes to see women as God sees them, as his daughters, as special spirits, and to not objectify them by lingering on their appearance and giving place for lust in my head. I focus on looking at the faces of women to help in this effort. I'm planning on researching ways to break out of the habit of objectifying women that I've gotten myself into. God is my main support in my progressive victory over lust.

In the scriptures we read all over the place where God grants power to overcome difficulties and challenges to those who humble themselves before him and ask for help. I've experienced the strength and power beyond my own in my sobriety so far as I've surrendered and acknowledged that I'm powerless in trying to kick this on my own. As I've prayed in humility for help I've been given strength from God to succeed, albeit in small degrees, in my recovery efforts.

Being a part of the fellowship is something very important to all members. Many an addict suffers from isolation, fear of being known or fear of fellowship. This is where addiction lives and breathes. To start to get out of that dark place, I have to come out into the light and start to converse with others. This is where growth, surrender and ability to stop starts.

It's where I start to break out of isolation, fear and start to gain confidence that the program will actually work for me.

I am committed to working with my sponsee and other group members alike. Would ideally like to get more of the group involved in consistent dialogue.

When I am triggered, I will surrender to God and others, and write it down if need be.
When I am alone, I will not get on sports articles.
When I am on the internet, I will make sure others are around.
When I am watching something on TV or a movie, I will make sure others are around.
When my wife is triggered, I will make it about her and not about me- show up with her and sit in her pain with her.

Acting out is a choice. I am powerful. I simply have to make the choice to start to put boundaries and bottoms lines in place in order to not put myself in a situation where I could fall to the addiction.

"I can be masturbating to the image of a blank wall and I'm still resorting to my drug"
Getting started means eliminating lust in all of its forms.
The program doesn't tell us how to stop, it shows us how to keep from starting again.

To get out the thoughts and feelings that dominate the inside. Bringing them to the light cuts them down to size. It facilitates honesty within yourself to have to say it out loud. Hearing others stories motivates and provides safety.

My spouse, relay group, group me, others in the program.

Personal: Don't be alone without a plan, open communication and open phones, limited use of social media, regular exercise and sleep
Relational: Resolve relationship conflict or have a communicated plan when issues arise (Don't be alone without a plan while distressed), daily check-ins and open and honest communication
Social- must attend group at least once a week, avoiding social situations that would lead to relapse (Vegas Clubs and Shows)
Behavioral- avoiding unnecessary contact with Carly, making it awkward and communicating my boundaries with my wife

We have to stop our actions and surrender the future and the situation and the power to God. His will must be done and ours must be surrendered to him. I chose to follow God and do as he would want me to do and not what I want to do. Letting his power be in my life to support those actions and decisions.

The power of God becomes effective in our surrender, not before. I need to surrender. Also, the power of the group. Getting outside of myself. I have been self absorbed and continue to be. I need to get rid of all forms of lust. I seem to want to hold onto lusting after my wife.

To get outside of myself and commit. Helping others and being able to relate to them will help me get outside of myself and learn to empathize.

My accountability partner daily. Anyone else that God puts in my head to reach out to.

I will not browse Facebook mindlessly late at night. I will not look at pornography at all. If it pops up, I will surrender it.

I need to develop power and commitment to stop. This is on me. As I do that, I can gain the trust of God and He can direct me. It is not up to Him to do this for me.

Honesty and Humility are difficult for an addict but through them, I can find a way out of my self-obsession and into the opportunity to see my addictive behavior is driven a false sense of Pride, Hardheartedness, Unaccountability, and Dishonesty.

Their stories really impacted how I see long term recovery and endless possibilities that otherwise I would have never been able to grasp.

Honesty, Humility, Open-mindedness and most of all Willingness to admit I am powerless over this addiction and need help in recovery.

God, My Wife, and the fellowship of brothers i have at SAL meetings.

I have voluntarily put Covenant Eyes on ALL my Devices. I daily Pray the Third Step Prayers ad Serenity Prayer. I read a Chapter a Day out of the Big Book. I daily text or call my Sponsor and Sunday Night Brothers in Recovery. I will now add to this list to look at these models and ask myself where am I?

By stopping we allow God's grace to redirect our thinking our emotions and are progress away from destructive behaviors and Wait for Direction, Wisdom, and Strength in others to help us walk from Darkness into the Light of Christ.

The part that stuck out to me was the part that said we wanted others to save us, but in recovery, when we stop acting out, then the power of God begins inside us to change us.
It really shows the importance of work, bottom lines, and turning our lives over to God and trusting that He will work a mighty change in us.

Because I know I can't do it alone. Because I have tried to do it alone for forty years. I know I need others support and understanding of where I am to help me rely on God and trust in him.

Al in the program, and other friends I have made in the program.

not allowing myself to feel sorry for myself, not going into victim mode. Not staying after work alone. No going to stores looking for movies or magazines. No watching tv alone, no staying up late, no sleeping in and skipping step work, no excuses for skipping meetings, stepwork or checking in.

That we can't expect a miracle of change while still acting out. And that once we stop acting out and surrender our addiction, then God will change us and heal me and fill the need I feel in my heart.

What’s stuck out to me today with the importance of getting out of my own head?

By participating with fellowship program allows me to share my experiences and to learn from others experiences

I’m going to commit to make three phone calls this week

The only boundary I have at the moment is to not look twice

The only way I can stop lusting is turning my wheel over to God

That it is through fellowship and surrender that we can begin to heal and maintain sobriety and recovery.

It is essential because addiction is so isolating and you get lost inside yourself. In order to truly be free you need fellowship to come out of yourself and be a part of a group.

SAL group members.

No YouTube or private browsing.

We stop and then in order to keep from starting again we must surrender and as we do that is when the power of God becomes effective in us and allows us to become more than we are on our own.

Should attend meetings

Not sure I think it is essential

I am committed to reaching out to my brother

No internet without my spouse watching
No phone in the bathroom

We have to put forth effort in order to receive God’s help

The importance of attending weekly meetings and being consistent. I have done a reasonably good job thus far maintaining my sobriety and there is definitely a part of me that is telling myself that I am too busy and I don't need to go to those each week.

Being involved makes you feel like you are part of the group, that you are needed, that you belong.

Shelby, Rick, Matson

Blocker on phone, 100% honesty, weekly meetings, daily check-ins.

That I make the initial commitment to change and start acting on that commitment. As I acknowledge my shortcomings, powerlessness, need for help, that humility allows for the power of God to be effective.

Yes - I need to get out of myself

Chris R., Lincoln A., Max, Alan D., Mike N., Justin B., Jonathan L., Jacob M., Greg M., John H., Mikal, Josh D., Brady W., Ryan L., Chris S, Harvey, Irvin S., Nikita

This is something I need to explore and add to - my mind is drawing a blank

I give up the craving. I acknowledge it, don’t feed it or give into it, I surrender it. I ask God to take it from and and then I call someone to get it out of my head.

Breaking the cycle. Realizing where I am at in the addiction cycle and deciding what I’m going to do differently to change the outcome.

I think it’s important because you can talk to others who are going through the same thing. It gives you a chance to surrender anything you might need to and get advice.

I reach out to other SAL members in my meetings.

I have deleted all social media, I do not look at tempting images or videos, and I keep myself busy.

I realize where I am in my addictive cycle and then I stop and surrender what I’m thinking and try to ask God to give me something to do differently so that I do not act out, but I break the cycle.

In Dr. Bob's nightmare, he was struck by his "sponsor" being the first human that ever spoke to him from a place of having walked in his shoes.

Regarding giving back, he says that each time he does it he takes out a little more insurance for himself against ever having a slip.

the writers of the white book say "experience has shown us that we must be part of others or we cannot maintain effective surrender" and "without regular participation in fellowship there seems to be no recovery." I trust the experience of these recovered addicts with years of experience. I will follow their lead.
They also talk about how when we keep things inside our head, that's when we have always failed, but disclosing it to another program member gets it out into the light and it doesn't have as much power over us.

I will try to make a contact every day to someone from the phone list

- no devices that do not have an accountability software or some kind of safe measure
- no being the last person up at work
- no being alone and surfing the internet
- no social media
- no movies or shows with any nudity

The way to resist an urge, craving, or temptation is NOT to try fight it, as we have done before. The way to overcome is the SURRENDER to God. Just stop and surrender.