The program doesn't tell us how to stop-we had done that a thousand and one times-it shows us how to keep from starting again. We had it backwards; before, we always wanted the therapist, spouse, or God to do the stopping for us-to fix us. Now, we stop; and then, in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us.
This passage was most impactful to me. I can relate to the feeling of looking for those around me to help me stop the madness of my addiction. The most egregious was my wife. I asked her to do many things outside her comfort level to satisfy my sexual fantasies. This is one thing of many things that I deeply regret.
It works when you work it. GOD WILL BLESS YOUR EFFORTS!!!
I will reach out to at least one brother in recovery every day.
First of all I will honor my wife’s boundaries.
My specific boundaries are:
No phone use in bathroom
No using Social Media
24 hour notice of relapse
Digital transparency and monitoring
12 step group meetings
Finance sharing
Therapy
No reaching out to past acquaintances
In my surrender my I am giving the power of my addiction to God and he will give me the power to overcome addiction.
There was a part that talked about committing myself to the group and how this ensures the maximum benefit for me and the group. I think that stuck out because not only can I benefit from the group, but others can while I'm there as well. But not just benefit, get the maximum benefits. In the past I've just kind of often attended group but not been super invested, so I got benefits but not as much as I could have.
It also talks about how we need each other, and I've never been really good at allowing myself to need others. So just thinking about that and that it's something I need to work on. Need to work on being okay with and accepting that I can't do this alone.
If I'm not participating, am I getting all I can out of the group? If I'm not being part of the fellowship, am I still just trying to go it alone? I think that doing more than just going to group is necessary. Obviously going to group is important and being able to learn and hear from others really helps. But that's just one day of the week. What about the other 6 days? And this is where I need to participate fully in the fellowship and reach out to others every day.
I need to make a list of all the people that I've kind of connected with as I've attended group and I feel most comfortable with reaching out to. I've really felt a good connection with Bill K and have reached out to him and will continue to reach out to him every week. I have a brother who has gone through a lot of this process and is very supportive, so I'll commit to reaching out to him once a week. And I'll come up with some others as well.
I haven't put any specific boundaries in place so this is something for me and my sponsor to talk about. I will also talk with my therapist about it and come up with some things.
In my own experience, when I'm stuck in the addiction, nothing good can happen. If I'm not stopped at all, I won't make progress. I don't make room for God to work with me. He is trying all the time I know, but it won't be effective unless I allow him in. And I can't do that while I'm so stuck in myself and my lust. I leave no room for him or anybody else to help me.
The part that stuck out to me the most was the part about STOPing completely. "I can be masturbating to the image of a blank wall, and I'm still resorting to my drug." When I masturbated at work I always thought about two things. either my wife or the thought of pleasing myself. When I recorded myself however I got even more off of that. Masturbating in public and doing it for the. thrill of it is my drug. This new desire to be sober and stay sober feels so good right now. i know it will be harder later on down the line but I'm truly committed to this. Not committed like my gym app or my calorie counting app but actually committed this time.
I think its crucal becomes it gives us people in recovery a place to talk, heal, and stay sober. Its a place thats inviting a safe.
I really want to attend my first SAL meeting today its a friday night at they're scheduled to meet at 2100 but I have a snowboarding trip tommorrow. I'm going to try today but if not today then next Tuesday, Yiseth's birthday.
I have set up boundaries by deleting the Tik Tok app. Something I notioceed constanly and what made me always go back to acting out was when it prompted me by showing me videos of horses urinating, having sex, or when it showed me a video about a new sex position I should try. Its disgusting!! That was something that always triggered me to act out and masturbate. I'm glad I deleted it.
Now that I have stopped I need to surrender all my worries and doubts that I can't stay sober all to God. With him anything is possible. By staying sober and trusting in him to help in my healing journey even when it becomes hard is essential. By healing myself I can share my experience and help others. This in turn will help allow God to work through me. I ask that all the time. "God lead me down the right path that you want me to" let me essintialy be your hands and feet and share the good news. I'm sober now 13 days and I'm ready to see that number grow.
With this addiction we need to exhaust all resources. if there isn't a group near you, make one. if you think you can do it on your own, you cant.
associating with other recovering individuals as the book says, it allows us to truly start our own recovery. the felllowship of the program allows us and others to be accountable to ourselves and other individuals.
my girlfriend. others in the group
I have removed all forms of social media from my phone. I am not strong enough to have that on my phone anymore
we must choose to eradicate lust in all forms in our life. we stop this, and by doing so, we truly allow God, our spouse and ourselves help to effect our lives.
This is progressive. It requires time and input.
It is essential. I need witnesses and help. The perspectives I gain from others are absolutely necessary. It helps me to understand.
I reach out to someone every day during the week. Right now, I have developed a group of individuals that I reach out to every day except Saturday. It has become consistent and I am really grateful for my brothers.
Daily meeting, daily phone call, daily recovery work, daily scripture study, daily prayer, daily journal, no surfing the internet without a purpose, no reels ever.
I understand that it takes effort and willingness to take a step. Once the step is taken, to maintain sobriety, surrender to God becomes increasingly important. Then his power becomes relevant.
I can't do this alone. Stopping is not the problem (I have stopped a million times). It's not starting again that I have not been able to do. The program doesn't teach me how to stop, it teaches me how to not start again.
Connection and vulnerability are crucial to my recovery. I cannot recover in isolation.
I have developed amazing friendships and found brotherhood in the rooms of recovery. I love reaching out to my brothers in recovery and want to do that more and more.
I have several top lines and bottom lines, but the main boundary is that when I feel deregulated and off, I will connect with God and go through the surrender process.
I must give up to win. It is only when I really surrender to God that I can succeed. My will and understanding alone will never result in my ultimate happiness. It is only when my will aligns with God's will when I can experience true joy.
I like where it says "without associating with other recovering individuals, there is no lasting sobriety". It might as well say point blank: "You can't make it on your own. You need the support of others in recovery." I like this because it reminds me of what I have always felt and known about spiritual commitment. That is, we can't be strong on our own. Together we are like a mass of burning embers... When we stay together we all burn hot and bright, but take one glowing coal away from the others and it will soon go out.
I have come to know for myself that connection with others (and connection with God) is the difference between success and failure. I have tried a thousand times, maybe more, to make real progress and gain power over my addiction, but it never has worked until now, and the only difference now is connection. When I am connecting with others and feel accountable to them, I find the strength to turn away. Participation is an essential step in "working the program".
I am going to reach out to make an effort to reach out to Tyler C, Ben A, Rich E, and Rich N. I think I am also going to try to reach out to one or two brothers I haven't spoken with on a call before.
The 'specific boundaries' link above doesn' work and this isn't a topic I've learned about. I can imagine, though, that these are what I have always called "guard rails" in my life -- specific things I commit to doing or not doing in order to stay strong against addiction. I am going to think through this, make my list, share it with my sponsor, and then keep it in a place where I can review it often.
Prior to this effort at recovery, I always hoped that someone or something outside myself--God, a sponsor, my wife, my bishop, or other brothers in recovery--would help me stop my addiction. Now I realize I had to take that step on my own, I had to stop acting out, and now God will help me not start again. I had to take a first step of faith and now God will honor that faith by carrying me forward, as long as I continue to demonstrate my faith by working the program.
The fact that we need each other to strengthen and to help each other build the necessary coping mechanisms to get out of this.
it fosters an honest enviroment where I can be vulnerable and feel comfortable sharing with others around me.
My brother
No phone after 9 pm, and charge it away from my bed.
We need both to stop this habit and addiction, I have stopped many times but need help in surrendering.
How participating in groups gets me out of my head. I noticed today that I've been attending meetings in body only. Today's meeting was the first time for me to really listen and engage in awhile, and it felt good.
The fellowship of the program has taught me what true friendship looks like. Being there for each other without judgement. Being there for each other in complete vulnerability and transparency.
Dusty, Brandon, Andrew, Nikitas, Lyman, Logan, Tyler, Nathan.
No more Facebook. Only News briefly in the morning. Sharp restrictions on movies/shows that show any form of lust.
I can "stop" temporarily. But only God can make it last.
The necessity of participation in the group. I had learned this before, but I have not been rigorous about it. Perhaps, feeling like it is something I already knew, I am not placing appropriate emphasis on it.
Connection with others who understand is essential. Drawing on their strength and hope is sustaining. It gets me out of my head.
I have not yet gotten a sponsor. This was the week I had planned to do this as I have had time off for spring break. However, I have spent more time with family which is good, but has also been an excuse to not put in the recovery work that I need to. I do have a short list of members from the group who I need to reach out to.
I have thought about boundraries but have not yet put any in plalce. I have been coasting pretty well the past couple months on the initial emotional high of coming clean, but I know from experience that this will not last.
By stopping, and turning my will over to God, I let Him take control. Allowing Him to make the decisions, His power is able to have force in my life.
This idea that I have to choose to stop. I haven’t been choosing that recently and I really want to.
It gets me out of myself
I have been committed to calling lots of guys in my DS group, but I haven’t. I am recommitting to getting that daily call going again.
* Multi-tasking: I will not multi-task on a phone or computer durning meetings (work, church) or during conversations.
* Lunch: I will take a min. 30 minute lunch break at work. If I need to adjust this I will inform my wife.
* News: I will not research sports news or other news while at work or church.
* Phone in bathroom: I will not use my phone in the bathroom. It will remain in my pocket or outside.
I understand that the initial choice has to be mine. I have to intentionally let it go. After that, I turn my life over to God and let Him make the change that keeps me sober because I can’t do that on my own.
There is no sobriety or recovery without participating in groups with others. I can't be sober in one area while acting out in another. I surrender each new addiction I become aware of as they unfold.
It's important to be honest with others, to not hold in the secrets, to have accountability, to enjoy the connection with others, to create friendships, to hear the struggles and successes of others, to not feel alone, to stay committed.
I have a long list of people to reach out to. I do my best to make daily outreach calls.
I have made many lists over the years, but I do not have a specific list right now. I need to self-evaluate and update that list. That is something I will do today.
Without sobriety I cannot have the connection with God that I need. Without completely surrendering my will, I will have my will, and God's will won't be with me. Stopping and surrendering will allow me to do and live in God's will, which will bring true recovery, peace, and surrenity.
Group work is what is needed for connection
connection is a key part in recovery
My wife and find somebody else.
No you tube at work
check in with wife
only when we surrender do we achieve the power of God to over come
the need to associate with recovering individuals
stop feeding the lust through the eyes, the memory and the fantasy
getting out of our self and into the real world
getting help from others who have walked the same path
connecting with others
being there for each other
other brothers in my online groups
bottom lines and boundaries discussed with sponsor
Instead of believing someone could help us stop or we could stop on our own, we stop and surrender
then by surrendering our will, our higher power can work in our lives
the need to associate with recovering individuals
stop feeding the lust through the eyes, the memory and the fantasy
getting out of ourself and into the real world
getting help from others who have walked the same path
connecting with others
being there for each other
other brothers in my online groups
bottom lines and boundaries discussed with sponsor
Instead of believing someone could help us stop or we could stop on our own, we stop and surrender
then by surrendering our will, our higher power can work in our lives
Mainly the necessity of participating in the group and program. It's something that I struggle with. I'd rather passively participate than actively share. I find the sharing to be very abstract and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be sharing. I can see this is an area for me to improve in.
I think it takes away the hiding of the behaviour and the shame of it. It shows that there are others who are struggling too and are willing to support. I think the connection also reduces the likelihood of falling back into the addiction.
My spouse
I have gotten rid of my smart phone and replaced it with an e-ink device. I have a glass door on my office to increase transparency. I check in with my sponsor almost every day.
I'm not sure. I think it's an odd way of saying that we combine our efforts, our fellowship and our surrender, while seeking for God's help.
I can gain so much from others experiences.
Tyler, Brian, my brother, and Blake.
I have not printed anything out yet. I have removed spotify from my phone as well as any non essential app. I bought a brick blocker to use when I know ill be alone. I still need to figure out how to block youtube on my phone.
If I stop and surrender my list to God and the people I listed above then, by the power of God, I can overcome the urges to act out one day at a time.
we can't be sober in one area while acting out in another
it is critical for me. It motivates me to stay sober. And participating means just that, commenting, sharing and reaching out
Mike, Jeff, Jared
getting rid of medicine that I used to act out with. AAA acknowledge, advert and affirm not take phone in bathroom and not in bedroom at night
I have to take action before I can expect God to help me. even white-knuckling is a way of action
Clicked on "read about specific boundaries" and lost everything I typed out and am now pissed off. There were a lot of
great things from the reading but it's all about the "WE" and how we can't do this alone. Wellness is just Illness with a
WE in the beginning. Funny stuff about 3 way calling and all that old school stuff. Grateful for the improvements in
technology as well as access to so many more meetings and recovery resources.
It's where the real Connection and intimacy can happen and it allows you to live a life of recovery outside of the
meetings.
Two others from the Thursday meeting is my goal this week.
I have not done this yet and I can't click on the thing above without losing everything I've typed!
When we stop...we become present and have a chance to breathe and not react. In that pause is where God can play a
part and we can surrender to his will. For me God's presence is only felt in the Present Moment!
Clicked on "read about specific boundaries" and lost everything I typed out and am now pissed off. There were a lot of great things from the reading but it's all about the "WE" and how we can't do this alone. Wellness is just Illness with a WE in the beginning. Funny stuff about 3 way calling and all that old school stuff. Grateful for the improvements in technology as well as access to so many more meetings and recovery resources.
It's where the real Connection and intimacy can happen and it allows you to live a life of recovery outside of the meetings.
Two others from the Thursday meeting is my goal this.
I have not done this yet and I can't click on the thing above without losing everything I've typed!
When we stop...we become present and have a chance to breathe and not react. In that pause is where God can play a part and we can surrender to his will. For me God's presence is only felt in the Present Moment!
I think the part that stuck out to me the most was how important being involved in the fellowship and making connections is to recovery. I used to think that I could do recovery completely on my own, but I understand how that a good portion of the reasons why I acted out were because of the spiritual misconnection I had. And I see now how critical connection is with the brothers and the fellowship for my recovery.
Like I said above, I realize now that at the root of my acting out behaviors is a deep spiritual, emotional and mental disconnection. I was using my acting out behaviors to cover feelings of inadequacy and insecurity and depression and anxiety. I was using those behaviors because it released chemicals into my brain. That made me think I was feeling Joy and relaxation. But it was completely fake. There was no connection. I know through that true connections with others I can feel joy and peace. That is why participating in The fellowship of the program is so important.
I have already reached out to my brother-in-law, Zach and a friend from church, Gregg. Tomorrow, I am eating lunch with my friend Alex. I texted with a brother in the program named Tyler C. But I will try to reach out to him this weekend with a phone call.
I haven't put in place any boundaries yet. I will look at some examples of specific boundaries.
This was in the section I was talking about having a third option. In the first option, we just keep doing our acting out behaviors and lose control. In the second option, we fight the impulse and compulsion to act down our behaviors until it's too much. In the third option, we stop but we admit to God and to others that we are powerless. It's more than just stopping because we do it in public by sharing and surrendering to others. By externalizing it, we demonstrate Faith in our higher power. And that faith helps us to stay stopped.
The importance of honesty, empathy, awareness, and being able to regulate emotions.
For accountability I know I must get outside of myself and my own stinking thinking. I need to see others, be present with them, serve them, and forget what I think I know and be curious as I interact and serve others.
Zakk is another brother who is willing to be my accountability partner.
No screens after 11 pm
5 minutes of reading the BoM
Daily step work
Daily calls
Daily check ins
Practice being honest with others
I let go of my own ambitions, desires, fears, and selfishness, and instead, look to my higher power, the universe, the context of those around me, and then be present, consider others, giving others the benefit of the doubt, remember everyone is doing the best they can including myself, and then I give, not take, what I think is helpful, caring, and effective.
"We must be part of others or we cannot maintain effective surrender..." This really stuck out to me because I have lived this and I have felt so alone in my addiction. I have tried to rely on Daina before, but the past hurt I have caused her would get in the way of complete honest surrender. This has also been my biggest challenge is letting others in. I always want to, however I end of withdrawing into myself thinking I can do it on my own. That is going to be the hardest part for me right now in this journey, trusting people and the process.
So far the meetings I have participated in remind me that sobriety is possible. It is so motivating to hear from others who are staying sober. Addiction is opposite of connection. I need to trust that connecting with others is opposite of addiction and that is what my life needs right now.
Yesterday I talked openly and honestly to Daina and it made a huge difference in my day. I need to build up my connections with other SA members. I could also reach out to my friend Lamont.
I have eliminated social media. When I travel, I am going to request that the hotel remove the remote control from my room. If I need to work on my computer or iPad, I will do this in the lobby or public place. I will not open my iPad in my hotel room.
Surrender means acknowledging that I cannot do this on my own and that I need God. My issue is thinking I can overcome this on my own. Or if I have a couple of successful days, I "have it figured out". Dropping my pride and being active in my group, shows that I am surrendering to my addiction and allowing God in my life.
