I related 100% with Nate in the podcast. He talks about not getting caught because he became really good at lying and that he would tell enough but not the full truth in order to avoid having to “lie” (telling part of the truth). He also talked about how his relationship with God was hard because it’s not something he can touch / tangible. So he felt that reaching out to other members of the group helped him with practicing humility. I have had a hard time in my relationship with God for the same reason. I have always had the “prove it” type of personality and want hard evidence, and has always been hard to believe in something if I can’t see it.
Because it keeps me accountable and is a constant reminder to keep working it. I like “keep coming back. It works when you work it so work it you’re worth it” because it really does. And I’m learning that with anything in life, if you keep going back to whatever it is (good or bad) it’ll not only work but it will enter you and attach to you. Continually going back into addiction became a part of me. I have learned it is not me, it is something that attached to me that I can keep off of me if I keep participating in the fellowship of the program and working it. Because it will work. It is working and I know that I’m worth it so I will continue to work it for the rest of my life.
Other members from SAL group
I have not completed that part yet. However the boundaries I have put in place are that I do not lock the door to the bathroom, I have a specific time limit for myself to go to the bathroom and shower unless it’s not possible (sick, etc…) however, I do not bring my phone into the bathroom at home as much as possible. At work I keep my phone out of the bathroom as well. I’m still working on setting boundaries and figuring out what they are exactly vs bottom lines.
To me it means that if we stop our addictive ways and stop going back into that addictive cycle, we will be able to better hear and feel the power of God in our lives. That through recovery and stopping the cycle, God and Jesus Christ can change us so we can become more like Him and we can become more effective in this life. Even to the point that God can use us as instruments in this life to help others do the same.
Being a participating member in the groups I am in. Because I seem to want others to do the work. I am part of a new group. They are wonderful and most members are staying sober. I was too until I stopped participating and attending meetings.
Another is the crucial part of connecting and going to meetings. Forget everything else and just attend the MEETINGS. This is so helpful to get out of my head and be present.
As I am in my head so much, I must get out of it. Serving helps me do this. I am so focused on myself when I act out and live in addiction. I lose the purpose of my life. Participating takes me out of myself, my addict mind, and my pride. It allows Christ in to clean me out.
I haven't really committed to anyone. Not even my wife. However I will commit to making calls everyday to recovery brothers I know.
Downloading snapchat, telegram, firefox not matter what, I will not do it.
When I feel tempted, I will call someone right away, drop my phone and walk away, give my phone to my wife.
I will not use the internet on my phone until I am with my wife or someone else.
It's time for me to stop being in control and allow God to be in control. Through fellowship, allow God in to clean and restore me to sanity.
The need to attend multipole meeting, to keep out of our own head. I am always in my own head thinking or fantasizing about what is not reality, and not spending time seeing things how they really are.
participating in the program helps me to not feel that I'm the only one in the world that is suffering as a result of my addiction, I'm able to see that there is hope that I can recover from listening to those that have been successful and the successes and failure they experienced.
I have my friend Paul, and Scott and was invited by members of my first meeting to call or text them.
That i need to stop all forms of addiction in order to stop addiction. It is indeed a Spiritual problem, as the big book says. If that is so, than any addiction cripples Spiritual vitality- so it makes sense that any addiction in any form must be stopped to heal from compulsion. Because I have many addictions that I utilize to soothe myself in my life- so that I don't need to fully commit myself to God and higher principles.
To connect with other men so that my ideas become tested against the experience and honesty of others- I start to see that I'm not alone, and that I do not know everything, in fact many things I've held up as gold often appear as dross against the scrutiny of others- my own self deceptions become blatantly apparent when shared with a group of truth seekers.
Josh Larsen, and my sponsor Alan.
None, currently.
When we stop and in our hearts truly desire no more evil in our hearts but only to do good and to do God's will- in that moment of surrender we become an actual tool for God in the proverbial tool belt. God's power can become effective because we're no longer distracted and occupied with a compulsion that 'hooks' us and makes us useless as an agent for God's good designs.
The part that stuck out to me the most was when it talked about how our spouse, parents or even God can't do the work for us. The only person who can do the change and work is ourselves. I have not been putting 100% effort towards my recovery, which isn't fair to anyone in my family or God.
It's essential to participate in fellowship so that you can get the support to work the steps. It's also important to participate so that you can hear what other people are going through, which allows you to know you aren't alone in the struggle of sexual addiction.
I am committed to reaching out to my dad and two brothers during the week. I will also be sending my youth pastor, from confirmation, an email to see if he would be willing to meet via Zoom. I would like him to be part of my ongoing recovery.
-- I will no longer use social media of any form.
-- I will only use my laptop if someone else in my family is in the same room as me.
-- I have to turn in my phone at the end of the night.
-- No phone allowed in the bathroom anymore.
-- My spouse can check my phone whenever she wants.
I believe it means that when we stop and surrender to God, he will be there as we work through the steps and recovery. He will always be by our side, even if he don't feel him there. He is always someone we can turn to when we are down and/or having struggles throughout the day or week.
The importance of fellowship in the meetings. I’ve attended other meetings but once we left the building the support was gone too.
For me I know I acted out because I felt unloved and unimportant. Having the fellowship will help to overcome those disconnected feelings.
I talk with my wife about what I am learning. But she is not in the role of an accountability partner.
Filters on all internet devices
No phone in the bathroom
Removed all social media
I think when we are trying to white-knuckle our way through we are relying on our own strength and not allowing God to do his part.
The part about getting out. I don't like to talk about myself and I definitely prefer being alone. It was so hard for me to attend my first meeting, my second meeting and although I had good experiences, it's still hard to go.
As I participate I think beyond myself. I get out of my head and I find people who have been there and who can also guide and hold me accountable.
I have an accountability partner.
I will not dwell on the sights, thoughts or other triggers that cause me to engage in lust. I can't avoid going to the store, or anywhere in public without out seeing inappropriate material, but I can choose to look away and focus on wholesome and good things.
That God will not do the work for us, he will make the work we do matter. The change we seek from God comes only through our willingness to turn to him and he makes all the difference in who we will be and what we choose to do. Surrender is relying on God and not on our own power to change.
I need to stop wholly and completely. I need to stop 100%. I cannot lust in any form.
Going to boot camp showed me how I can get rid of the shame messages which surround me.
Jon, SAL Sunday night group. Need more contacts and more names.
Need to call Connor some more
-let's take a social media break
-app store blocking
-20 minutes of recovery work everyday
I am not exactly sure but I want it. I want to stop acting out. And then God's power is made manifest for me to continue to stop.
Without stopping all forms of acting out we will never be truly healed or changed. There is a multitude of avenues available to assist with working through the steps, whether it be online, phone, live......We as an addict need to keep an open mind that it doesn't matter what avenue we use all of them will assist us in our recovery.
Trying to bear the weight of this defect we're all going through is more than any one individual can/should handle. Utilizing the fellowship can assist in sharing the weight all of us are bearing. Hopefully allowing us to slowly unstack the emotional bagage and such to allow for true recovery to occur.
I haven't reached out to anyone besides my sponsor yet. I need to begin reaching out to the men in my recovery group and making connections. I have Justin B. in Spokane that I've talked to a couple times in the past. I think I'll start with him and try to work my way....
I've been reading "Breaking the Cycle" and trying to implement some of the steps/actions that I've read about in there. I need to get more into the reading from the program
Without stopping acting out and surrendering to our recovery and our defects the full power of god will not be understood and his message will not be fully gained or instilled within our minds.
Without regular participation in the fellowship, there seems to be no recovery - I have seen first hand through my own experiences the value in attending meetings and making phone calls. Through sharing personal experiences and being vulnerable it has taken the edge off of experiences and helped me surrender the situation.
We stop relishing the language of lust, resentment, and rage. We stop living only and always inside our own heads. One of the fringe benefits of going to a lot of meetings is that it gets us out of ourselves. - I am over 2.5 months into my recovery, and as I have stopped feeding the lust, the resentment and rage has started trying to take its place. Going to meetings has helped me understand myself through active listening and sharing my personal experience that may or may not relate to the material covered at the meeting.
The program doesn’t tell us how to stop-we had done that a thousand and one times-it shows us how to keep from starting again … Now we stop; and then, in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us. - I can’t tell you how many times I have stopped, but I have never had any form of action or surrender or program to help me in recovery. I only recently recognized it as an addiction. I have been trying with mostly will power alone for so long, which never worked. We learn in the AA big book that even with knowledge of the addiction, that is not enough. We have to surrender our will to God. I must find God.
And we discovered that the way to feel better is not only going to meetings but taking the risk of self-disclosure. - I have found the self-disclosure to be so helpful. The first couple of meetings I attended I jumped into the deep end and shared. I was really rather nervous. The risk of self-disclosure is a mutual beneficial act … I find it beneficial when others share and when I share too. I find opportunities for self reflection in both.
I have been trying to fight this for well over half of my life. I am clearly not strong enough alone. I had a shift in thought when I made my first recovery contact. I called a member of my Tuesday SA meeting and he thanked me for calling because it helped him in his recovery. I was thinking I was being selfish and checking the box of my recovery. We are here to help each other. There is strength in numbers, but there is also accountability, and help. Someone that knows exactly what I am going through, that can understand and not judge me for my thoughts, emotions, actions and just be there to listen and offer up their support.
I have been slowly building a list of phone numbers of people to call. I have a couple of phone lists, but I really haven’t gone through any of those yet … I need to. I have a goal of making at least one contact each day. Right now my sponsor and I have one weekly scheduled time to talk and meet. If needed he can be made available. I go to roughly 5 meetings each week, plus therapy. As I get phone numbers of people I enter them into my phone and add them to a list so I know which group or which meeting I know these people from.
We have implemented what feels like a lot of boundaries. They were first called rules, but then shifted the terminology to boundary as that is more proactive rather than like a punishment.
- I am not home without my wife (in the case when we have kids and it is unavoidable, I call my wife or someone - next would be my dad or mom - and I text my wife letting her know)
- I have down time on my devices
- We purchased new devices that allow for parental controls and monitoring
- As part of not being home without my wife, I have reworked my work schedule and we have rearranged our kids schedule some in the morning before school.
- There are more, but these are the ones that are coming to mind.
I am learning that only in surrender can I stay connected with God. As I have allowed myself to hold on to emotions or events (resentment, rage, and pride) I lose that connection and put myself at risk. It is only through the power of God that I can stay sober. I must stay connected to him. I have to surrender and give my problems to Him.
the lying to yourself part i got this
accountability with people in same struggle
therapist
covenent eyes on devises and computer
God can't help if you don't confess to him
I liked the section stop it because it talked about the freedom of sobriety. but we have to walk away completely. Giving up one thing and not the other is not stopping it.
One big reason that I can think of is being accountable, Because no matter how far we are in the program or how much time we have sober we are always 2 steps away from falling again.
To at least one other person that in the list that I received during the meeting
no Facebook, no taking the cell phone in the bathroom, never having the phone with me when I'm gonna be alone for a while
That we cant fight it. Its way to strong we have to surrender it to god so that god can work within us to comfort us or help us get through that moment. Absolutely no pride, pride I feel is the most steep slippery slope that there is in falling away again.
I must participate in the fellowship - I can't slack off and try to do it alone. Its more than just showing up for meetings I must be committed and without it there can be no recovery. When I show up I need to get involved be PART OF and not APART from the meetings. Also, something that stuck out was that the program is not going to tell me how to stop lusting but instead it shows us how to not start again. Had to think about this one for a while. I can't stop but I can surrender to God who will help me not start again.
To stay sober and fully recover it is essential you have others who know you and know what you are experiencing. Then if you participate you will get the recovery benefits of Joy, Growth and Freedom.
I don't have a sponser at this time yet. I will reach out to Tim Nelson, Nikitas, Lyman, Josh, Anthony/Bill (Forge)
No internet at night when alone unless it's for work or steps.
Making men's meetings this week
No TV movie channels or watching alone
I can stop and I can try in my power but unless and until I surrender and admit I am powerless it won't be effective and what will be is when I have God's power in me. This is only possible if I surrender it all to Him.
Participating in the meetings and putting yourself out there help you begin healing.
I think that it helps us to help lift one another up and be more Christlike by mourning with those who mourn.
I’m committed to reaching out to my wife and my mother in law during the week.
No phone in bathroom, no phone in the bed and plug in phone away from the bed side.
We can’t overcome this monster on our own. We essentially surrender to Gods will and let his spirit flow within us and give us the power to overcome.
I need to be sober in all forms. I need to stop feeding lust through my eyes. pray for the willingness to surrender all forms of addictions like overeating.
When I show up in a meeting what I am asking and pleading is that I have to stop please help me
So far hearing other people's stories has helped me tremendously connect with others and has been super impactful for me.
I appreciate and i am grateful to be able to reach out to various members of my Saturday morning Group
Well my sponsor relapsed so I dont have a strong sponsor right now. but connecting with my buddies and talking to my wife has helped me.
The power of surrender and handing it over to God has been super powerful and has been the key to being able to lose the primary lust desire that I've been experiencing
The parts that stuck out to me are how important it is to be part of a group. It even says to start your own group if there are none around you and to pray to find other sexaholics to join the group. This stuck out because of how much emphasis it puts on being part of a group.
Addiction thrives in secrecy and isolation. Being part of a recovery group removes the isolation and forces the issue into the light. Participating in the fellowship to me means that you are active and contribute to the group, which will help bring you closer to group members, which should help in your recovery.
Zac is someone who I have been having contact with.
Boundaries:
-Don’t use internet-enabled devices while lying in bed
-Don’t browse web/video while in the bathroom
-Remove internet-enabled devices from bedroom when I sleep (fully turn off tower PC)
To me this means that we take responsibility for stopping rather than on counting others to stop us. When we stop, we surrender ourselves and our wills in this matter to God, who will give us strength to keep from starting again.
The part about not being able to feed our lust in any form. At this time I’ve set a bottom line for myself of not acting out at work. I was able to successfully thwart and surrender around my addiction yesterday at work but felt that itch in the background. I used masterbation with fantasy this morning as a “lesser of two evils” method but don’t feel great about it.
Getting outside of myself and helping others have a place to work recovery feels good. It makes me feel less egotistical
I will reach out to Scott and one other brother this week.
No acting out at work.
I love this statement. It’s actually an answer to prayer.
I cannot do it alone I need to participate in my group and talk about my problems so other members could hear it and I can learn from it and maybe someone else
I think it’s important because other members will benefit and I will become stronger and see my flaws by hearing me tell people what I’m doing wrong
I will call two other members and work on getting a sponsor
I am staying away from tablets iPad and also just getting on the Internet. Also when I’m alone, I am listening to books and podcast about my sex addiction
By putting my mind to say to stop and ask for help, it’ll help me look outside myself and to know that I’m not alone and that I can ask for help at any time
That without some sort of fellowship/camaraderie/brotherhood true recovery is not possible
For me I was able to prove to myself that I was finally ready to do whatever it took to maintain sobriety. I also never had someone I could talk to and relate to about real issues going on in my life.
I have a handful of guys I talk to fairly regularly. Chris S, Josh D, Nate L, Brandon P
My current boundaries I have now are
No driving on the road behind hot creek
Informing my wife every time I have to go to hot creek and not going up there unless I have to adjust the water
Informing my wife before getting on YouTube
The beginning is finding some form of sobriety and that it really isn't possible without God helping me through it. All I have to do is ask for his enabling power.
Without associating with other recovering individuals, there is no lasting sobriety.
Yes
No one, I need to expand that.
No phone in bathroom
Give phone to wife when she asks without fighting about it
See a therapist once or twice a month
God will take this away, but we have to let Him
I like the idea of sure sing to God. I still don’t understand it completely but it feels right
I feel that God works through others to help myself. He wants me to learn brought others and develop relationships because in the end, that is what really matters most.
Josh, Dad
- No phone in bedroom at night unless I share a room. If so, leave electronics away from reach of my bed.
- No video games. Only with another person
- No checking sports after dinner
Realizing because of my ongoing weakness, at least in this life it is only through God that the power within me is fully realized.
I realized that the hardest part of recovery for me is consistency. I have been blessed with a great body, where if I am consistent at the gym, I gain muscle very quickly, but it’s so hard for me to be consistent. I know when I am consistent with my daily routine, spiritual practice, meetings, etc I am able to stay in recovery, its just so hard for me to do it every single day.
So that I can keep myself in check and not think that I have this thing beat for good every time I am experiencing a period of reprieve.
Leo, Landon, Jake Baker,
- No Social Media apps on my phone. I can download for specific purposes, like messaging or checking up on someone or recruiting posts, and then delete them again when I am done, so that I don’t waste my time on them.
- If I have to sleep alone, leave my iPad and phone charging in a separate room.
- Don’t be on screens after 10:00 pm
That we have to take the first step in our recovery by choosing or at least desiring to obtain from our compulsive behavior to create space for God to enter and begin working in us.
Having to surrender to the group and trust by telling our stories. I’ve failed to do that with my group and have some shame about it, so I kept hiding my sobriety from the group.
Hearing the stories of others, learning how to work the steps, having the support of fellow brothers going through this, so many more reasons
My therapist
Made a letter detailing how I’m going to finish blocking the internet and shared with my wife
We can’t surrender the lust to god if our minds are filled with trash. Connection on the spiritual level requires an open and giving mind, to give yourself to god and the process of healing.
The main part was about how self-absorbed the addiction side is. Not only is the selfishness, pride, and actual actions focused on myself, but the pain and negative consequences are as well. This kind of behavior creates a pain that I couldn't go to my spouse with, which means that it just continues to accumulate and I'm left trying to fix it by doing more of what caused it in the first place.
Because it forces you to go outside of yourself. You have to regularly admit to others that you have a problem and in a small way rely on them to support you. That forces you to focus on others and to not be self-absorbed.
Not anyone specific, but I have a couple people that I have started talking to from group that I am planning on reaching out to (Lou and Jake).
I haven't printed any out, but I have specific boundaries in place with my wife on what kind of apps/content I can have on my phone, when I can be on my phone, having accountability apps on my phone and computer for her, reporting on slips, talking through my progress, etc.
I think it means that we have to accept that our actions will only push the problem away, it won't remove it. Once we recognize that we aren't the ones that remove the problem from us, then is God able to step in and remove it. He can't act until we surrender, because if he acts when we haven't surrendered we will likely just think that it was us doing the work and that would ruin it.
I still don't get how people who are addicted stop. How they put together any sobriety. I know I NEED to stop, but I don't WANT to stop, and unless somebody is literally with me all the time, I'm going to do what I WANT to do when the desire comes up. I keep seeing "sobriety" as a beginning point in all my recovery studies, but it seems like that's so far out for me because I don't have a desire to be sober. I have a desire to desire to be sober.
Being a part of something larger than myself gets me out of my self-obsession cycle. The more I'm with others, think about others, or look up to others, the less I am thinking about myself and what I want.
I don't have other commitments. I used to have an accountability partner but they fell off the map. I speak to my father regularly. I have a few other numbers but am not good at contacting them.
I have not outlined any boundaries and am not sure what appropriate boundaries are. I feel like I could either be too aggressive with the boundaries I set or perhaps not aggressive enough. I have rarely heard of people discussing boundaries and how to appropriately use them.
I interpret this to mean I need to white knuckle my addiction for a bit and stop acting out. Then, after I've given it an effort, God comes in and provides the rest of the power needed to remain stopped. The only issue is I really feel powerless. When the desire comes, I don't know how to resist. I don't know how to white knuckle. Somebody can tell me that I need to reach out to somebody in that moment. Or I need to do step work or pray. But that all requires some amount of power to do one good action before giving in and acting out on the bad desire. But I am powerless, so I don't know how to make that first good choice before going right to the bad one.
