I’m looking forward to working the steps. This is an addiction that has effected me since childhood and may have damaged my marriage and family beyond repair. Even if that is the case I don’t want to live the second half of my life like this. I am afraid of how honest I need to be and how much pain it will bring up and just how hard it will be to stay vigilant. I’ll need a lot of help especially if I can’t do it surrounded by my family.

That I get honest about what my wounds and triggers are. Begin to change my brain chemistry. Stop acting out of my wounds. Learn true Godly intimacy with my wife.

That in spite of active recovery that my marriage is beyond saving.

Enforced discipline! It keeps the problem of my addiction and it’s solution in the front of my brain and lifestyle.

Yes! The cards are out on the table with my wife. And there is simply no pathway to restoring our marital issues without me getting into a full throttle long term recovery to so sobriety.

This is the first time I have looked at lust and porn as more than a sin. Saying the words addiction and recovery are oddly enough heavier. And it’s one of the few times Jesus plus something else makes sense.

The obvious thing is porn and masterbation. The hardest part leaving behind the fear of being honest with my wife. The shame of failing. The fear of being abandoned because I fail and have hurt her are real. Leaving behind my pride in thinking I can “manage” this may creep in and I don’t want that. Watching my children cry when I explained why my wife Dorothy asked me to leave is a searing pain that plays itself over and over again. I want all of our pain to have redemptive outcome one day.

No really, but it's because I've done this type of thing for years and I'm a little tired of working steps. However, I also recognize the need for change, and understand that what I've been doing hasn't been working.

I hope to see myself differently and to build more self-control in my life. I want to forsake my sins, I hope these steps will help me to do that.

That I will continue to have issues with slips. That I will do great for a few days or weeks, and then slip. And with my problems with perfectionism, a slip often times leads me to feeling like all my progress is lost and I need to start over.

I think it will work because it will help this to remain apart of my lifestyle. I want to be able to leave my addictions behind me forever and wish it was that simple, but I do have an addition and it won't go away on its own, so a daily resource to work on it seems reasonable.

I feel like I am. I see so many blessings in my life, and so many more that are "waiting" for me to get this under control. I want out, I want to move forward. I want this to be the time I can let go.

Faith. Faith in myself, and Heavenly Father that there is more out there for me. Faith that I can change, I just need to be consistent and patient.

I've thought about this a lot and I know it's going to mean making some changes. I'm feeling more and more open all the time to leaving things behind. But the biggest thing I need to leave behind is the feelings that it's NOT ok for me to make a mistake or not know what to do next. Because it IS ok, and I need to understand that. I don't need to be perfect!

Yes and no. I have a fear of failure

A change of heart and desire

Fail

Keeps me focused on a daily basis on what’s really important

I honestly don’t feel ready mentally but I know this is a step in the right direction and I want to get to that point

Consistency

Anything

Yes i am looking forward to working the steps because i want to find peace not only for myself but for my wife. I feel good about my sobriety but i know i haven’t been as good at working the steps consistently and i want that consistency in my life.

I hope that i gain peace and freedom from the pain of my past

I dont feel fear about this. I know i need to do it. I guess having to reach out and share with people is scary.

I feel like it will work for me to give me a constant reminder each day.

Yes, i have been. My biggest fear of the higher power was communication about it with my wife. But we have moved past that and I’m excited to share it more.

Having a daily structure will be nice to keep it easy to work the steps and have a daily plan.

I will make sure that I make the time available to do step work each day.

I am hoping this program will help me work the steps more completely

I hope to gain greater understanding and awareness

I've been at this for a year and want to really turn this over to God.

Yes, I realize I have a problem that is out of my control. I feel this addiction affecting many other aspects of my life and I'm sick of feeling that this defines me as a person and I am sick of living in fear that other people will find out.

I hope I will be able to find healing from my past behavior and find the necessary tools to change myself for the better.

I am afraid that it won't work

Part of me feels like this isnt enough motivation.

Yes, I am ready to move on to another part of my life. I know that there is power up above to help overcome difficulties and I need that power.

This time I will work day to day and I will find someone to help me as a sponsor.

I am willing to leave my negative behavior that is poisoning my life.

No. I am worried about the effort that it will take and whether or not I will be able to do them well. I am worried that my wife leave me if I fail the steps. I am at the same time, slightly hopeful that my future can be better than the mess I've made.

I hope that my mind will become stronger and that I will cultivate a better sense of self apart from unhealthy coping techniques. I hope that I will be able to build trust with my wife. I hope that I will know God more and develop peace.

I am afraid that I will fail. I am afraid that I will sabotage myself with pride and selfishness.

I've messed up my life so much. I have to try/struggle on a daily basis in order to salvage my life.

Yes, as much as I can know my own mind right now. I will prove (or disprove) it to myself through my actions. God has put so much effort into saving my life and my marriage. I've rejected His help, and that of my wife, for so long that I am afraid that I only have one chance left.

People know now what I've done. My wife knows. There is nowhere left for me to hide. My therapist knows and can better tailor our sessions based on my honest state.

I'm willing to leave entitlement to myself, my actions, and my heart and mind. I'm willing to leave ease that comes from having the internet on my phone. I'm willing to leave my desire to hide. I know that there will be struggle and resistance in the process, but I have left myself no other choice but to do this the right way.

Yes. I want a healthy life!

Clarity.

It might be hard.

Will. This will help me be consistent.

Yes. I’ve been working the program.

Using the curriculum.

News that can be triggering.

Yes. I have worked them before, but am ready to go through them again and find things I didn't fully embrace or handle well the first time.

Get back to full sobriety and be better at progressive victory over lust.

That I will lose steam. I recognize in myself a certain laziness on life changes and spiritual changes. In those areas I tend to want to coast.

I know when I am diligent about keeping my bottom lines, I do OK. They are a safety net.
Just reading the books isn't enough. I think I really have to write and work.

Yes. Even though I have tried so many times, I am going to try again. I hope that my attitude can stay positive as I look to having a life that isn't secretly in constant search and wanting for lust and lust hits.

I'm coming into the step work having gone through them before and a relapse after 3 years of sobriety, which is hard to swallow.
I hope to be more deeply committed this time. To reach out to others in the program more. To be more sincere in my recovery.

I will leave behind what feels like my constant yearning for lust and sex.
Recognize that my relationship with my wife in the terms of friendship is wonderful and so much better than most people achieve in their whole life.

I am. I know my time is limited, but I waste plenty of it so there is definitely room for this step work. I want to be working more active step work throughout each week instead of showing up to meetings and sadly saying, "I haven't worked any steps this week." I feel like I've been in a slump lately and I want to get out of it. While I've been abstinent for over 2 years now, that doesn't mean anything if I'm not actively working recovery. This has got to change now, otherwise I will fall victim to lust again.

I hope to have deeper insight into my inner "dis-ease". I want to discover my character defects and work with my higher power to address them and have progressive victory over them and lust. I hope to become closer to my Savior.

I fear being controlled. I don't ever want to feel like I am being forced to do something, such as change. But I know I can surrender my will into His hands and He will do what's right for me. I also fear being weak and how working these steps at first can seem blurry between humility and being weak. Regardless, I will bend my knee at His altar and know He wants me to become stronger than I am by working these steps. Only He can make me my best.

As I work it, it works for me. It's that simple. As I focus on daily recovery and put in the work and effort, I will naturally change. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Yes. I started this journey formally on 2/5/2019 and I don't intend to stop. There have been times along the way where my dedication has waned, but I know that besides yesterday, today is the best time to start taking a more intentional and active role in my recovery work. One of the reasons I'm starting now is because I recently stopped attending my group counseling sessions, which I've been attending for over a year. They're expensive and I feel like I'm getting diminishing returns from the sessions and the group. I know I could have contributed more, but I feel like doing this program will be more active and consistent day to day on my part instead of a weekly phone call. If I'm going to drop some form of recovery from my life, I need to add in something better. I've plateaued in my recover efforts and I need to change things up and do something different that will challenge me. I have too many stresses in my life to not be working recovery for myself.

I am committing to doing some of this work every day. No matter what. It's time to make this a real daily habit. I don't need to spend an hour everyday to achieve this...just 10-15 minutes (or more if I want). That way recovery work won't seem so insurmountable.

I am willing to leave behind going to bed later so that I can wake up earlier to meditate, journal, read, and work recovery.
I am willing to skip distractions and diversions like watching online videos in my quiet moments or downtime.
I am willing to stop wishing I had a different wife or life.
I am willing to leave my wanton desires and lusts, harmful thought patterns, and resentments behind.

Yes, I need them to stay sober and sane. A half hearted commitment won't work

Mighty change of heart, and the humility to keep going even after I get done sobriety

I'll drop off the map, stop doing the work, blow my boundaries

It's my daily bread, it's the amazing calculation of doing something small to accomplish something big.

Yes, everything I do on my own fails miserably, even this morning I got distracted by Facebook.

I have learned for myself that my own way will not work, I'll just flame out and fail again.

I am willing to leave behind my laziness and dishonesty.

I am looking forward to working the steps because I want to be able to overcome my addiction.

I hope that as I work the steps that I will gain a greater understanding of myself and why I turned to pornography in the first place. I also hope to gain the tools I need to help me recover from this plague.

I am afraid that I won't be able to sustain the effort necessary to recover.

I think the steps will work for me because there are others that have gone before me that have worked these steps and have achieved their own recovery. Doing the work daily will help me to maintain a measure of continuity.

Yes! The need I’ve had to actually work the steps and the ability to do so on my own while also trying to find and work with a sponsor, is high. This curriculum I think will help clearly guide the work needed for the steps

BETTER recovery! “Sober is not well” and I need to be well and happy!

Just the fear of dealing with my own inner workings and thoughts I know won’t be all fun or make me feel great in the moment.

I KNOW NOT working them doesn’t work because I’ve done plenty of NOT working the steps. I’ve seen it work for others and my ways clearly don’t work.

Yes! I’m done feeling like I have no power and no choice over my happiness

Putting in real work. More contacts with group members and proactively working the steps and finding that progressive victory one day at a time

Whatever it takes for myself to be happy and be a good example and make my family happy

I am looking forward to working the steps because that is the way to recovery. Just reading about them or just reading them is like going to the gym and watching people work out and expect to getin better shape.

As I work the steps I hope that I can integrate the thoughts and principles into my life going forward, not just for a week or month at a time.

I am afraid that I won't give this program my all and end up right back where I started, but this is a worst-case scenario.

As I work this on a daily basis, it gives me the opportunity to accomplish things in small chunks rather than trying to do it all in one fell swoop, to try to break it down into easily managed bites.

Yes, I am. I have lived too long with this "bad habit" hanging over me and I am ready to let God guide me out of it and into a new life of sobriety and recovery.

I now have an understanding of my addiction and how it has affected my life. I also have new tools and people to help me move forward.

I am willing to leave my acting out in my addiction as well as being a more useful member of my family, my church, and society in general.

Yes, because I want to overcome my addictions.

I hope that I can learn how to stay in recovery without falling back into my addictions.

I'm afraid I might slip out give in or give up.

I feel like it will work if I actually do the work and not just read about it and not just think about it. I've tried just thinking about it before. Having this structure and this program and this fellowship is what I feel I've been missing.

Yes, I'm ready. My life became unmanageable. I was discovered. I'm losing everything. But, because I'm no longer hiding in the shadows, I can get the help I need.

I'm not doing it alone this time and I have a structured program to follow.

I suppose I'm willing to leave behind almost everything. It's probably easier to say what I'm not willing to leave. I won't leave my God and my religious beliefs. I'm not willing to give up on my family. I won't give up my life, although I was ready to at one point. Apart from that I'm already giving up everything else. I'm going to prison because of my acting out. I've been separated from my family and my home. I'll lose my job. I'll lose my pride.

Yes I am this is the second time going through them for myself and I am looking forward to gaining more knowledge and to pick up on things I didn’t learn the first go round.

I learn more about surrendering, willingness And desire especially towards my work through the steps and principles

Nothing I have nothing to lose but everything to gain

I know it will work for me as I have worked daily my week, connections and overall feelings improve compared to those weeks I haven’t worked the steps

I’m not sure, what I mean by that is yes I often pray to turn my will over to God but then I doubt I even know what that looks like or if I am even doing that.

Focus a little more on each step and willingness to see what I missed or didn’t understand last time

The wreckage of my past

Yes,I’m interested to see how this can help me stay in recovery

That I get a clear vision of how to live a healthier life and have a better relationship with my wife

It will keep me focused on what’s important

Yes because I need him

I will ponder what this really means to me

Every negative thing that seems to keep weighing me down

Yes, I am looking forward to working the steps, because I have had so many issues and secondary effects from my addiction, and even then identifying that i had an addiction, that I have realized I need help. My disclosure and discovery really hurt my wife Carmen, but I was even in denial that this had happened, as I had separated my mind from the reality of my actions, and actually had no remorse. It wasn't until Carmen reached out to my brother, and he came and helped me with a spiritual awakening, understanding of the atonement, and recognition of my own self-worth and ability to receive repentance and lift this burden from me.

As I work these steps, I hope that i am strengthened through my recovery and sobriety process. I hope that I am able to learn the skills necessary to give up my addiction, and that i learn the skills to recognize the harm that I caused Carmen, and how to empathize with her about her hurt, her pain, her realization of the damage I caused throughout our marriage. Most of all, I hope that I can reconcile who I thought I was, with who I actually was. And I hope that I can look back and identify when I was real, and when my addiction was hurting me.

I am afraid that Carmen will not find me worthwhile or of value, and that she will leave me, because the hurt is so bad.It hurts to recognize and make me realize who I actually am.

I think the daily step work will help me grow through and keep my sobriety, work the repentance process, and work on recovery.

Yes, I am ready, I need to turn my will to the Savior. I have so much pain inside me, so much guilt and shame, so much self-hate, that it was eating me up on the inside, I was filled with evil, and I know my actions and how I treated Carmen influenced her health. It was killing her. I can't continue my addiction, it will kill me, and it will destroy my family and destroy my marriage.

The difference is my spiritual awakening, combined with the realization of the damages caused, and the pain and injury caused to Carmen, has caused a mighty change of heart in me.It cannot continue. I am dedicated to daily work, daily self improvement, daily recovery.

I am willing to give up and leave behind my tendency to hide in electronics, to leave behind my hiding, my secrets, my lies, and my lustfulness. I am ready to be vulnerable with my wife, to prioritize our marriage, and to leave behind my selfishness.

I am looking forward to experiencing the 12 promises. I believe the AA Big Book..."Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path." I want to be worthy of the work of the the foundation which I am choosing to do.

That I will be better at living in recovery...not just sobriety but living in positive sobriety. Practicing all the steps in my daily life.
I am choosing to do a more in depth study of the steps thus gaining a deeper understanding and deeper commitment to living a healthy life...one day at a time.
Build trust and Improve relationships starting with my feelings of my connection and standing with God and connection with Rhyll.
Be more enthusiastic about serving...working step 12 and worthy of the work I am choosing to do.

Not afraid of the work but recognize it is my responsibility to choose to do the work. So I must keep my commitment to "just do it" Be a doer.

My experience in recovery has been that the steps work when I work them. When I don't work the steps I am less in tune with God and others. In short...less connected or not connected at all.

I am ready.
I desire to reap the benefit and be a better example of working recovery.

Renewed commitment and I believe the structure of the curriculum will help give me structure and encourage better accountability.

The attitude that I have already formally worked the steps.
The tendency to procrastinate.
The tendency to control others.
Lazy surrender efforts.

This is my second time through the steps. I want to re-assess how I'm doing and also experience the online curriculum.

I've been sober for almost 4 years, but I still struggle with emotional wellness. I'd like to see if I can improve beyond where I am today.

it will be hard and I may need to give up things that I've been holding onto

Consistency is the key to my recovery and something that I've struggled with my whole life

I think I have been for some time now, but want to be sure.

I'll be using the online curriculum to ensure accountability

Whatever it takes

test

test

test

test

test

test

test

Yes and no. Yes because I'm looking forward to challenging my current beliefs and holding myself accountable, but no because it general can become a triggering and somewhat painful process. But a good painful 😉

I hope to learn something new about myself and my day to day recovery life.

I'm afraid I might not find what I'm looking for or that I'll see much of the same material i've been used to.

Day to day definitely works best for me. It's best to always have a recovery mindset going into each day. I'm not the most consistent when it comes to day to day recovery work, but I even weekly helps. I just want to push myself to be more daily as much as possible.

Definitely. And even though I've done my best to make this decision years ago, I'm willing to do so with a renewed sense of commitment as I repeat the steps to learn something new about myself and my commitment.

Hopefully as I'm starting this new curriculum I will be introduced to new concepts or at least learn something new about myself and my recovery life.

I want to be less cynical. 🙂

test

test

test

test

test

test

test

I am.

I want to really dig into my emotions and better understand the narratives I've been running in my head for potentially my entire life.

I want to get clear on my thoughts about Becky, Caleb, the other kids, work, and life.

I look forward to making this a "habit" instead of a once in awhile endeavor.

That I learn how to better be emotionally healthy.
That I learn how to "practice these principles in all my affairs."
That I improve my relationship with Becky and with Caleb and with my kids.
That I make "progress, not perfection."
That Step work is one of the ways I improve my relationship with God.

That I will let other things get in the way.
That I won't make this the top priority for my day/life.
That I will let my narratives overpower my intentions to be emotionally healthy.
That I won't know what to do with many of the emotions I'm feeling.

It will definitely help.
It helps me clear my mind.
It gets me self-assessing.
It helps me connect with God.
It helps me take that part of my life seriously and prioritize.

Yes, for sure.
This is deeper than "the addiction."
This is my emotional health, which is the underlying cause of my addiction.
This is the next step in my recovery journey.
This is how I can live a happy and complete life - one connected to God, my closest contacts (Becky and the kids and my parents) and others.
I look forward to taking these next steps.

I will be committed.
I will create a better schedule on WHEN and HOW I plan to work my steps.
I will monitor my progress.
I will be accountable to my sponsor with my Step work.

I work my Steps at either 5:30 a.m. or 7:30 a.m. every day.
I wake up, put on some clothes, and head to my office for Step Work.
I read from recovery literature.
I write out answers to Step work.
I add additional thoughts/feelings in my journal.
I report my Step work activity to my sponsor.
At the end of each night, I leave my computer on to just the SAL12Step site for the next day's work.

This is my plan.

New routine.
New accountability.
New way of digging into my emotions.
New way of looking at and exploring narratives.