I can gain so much from others experiences.
Tyler, Brian, my brother, and Blake.
I have not printed anything out yet. I have removed spotify from my phone as well as any non essential app. I bought a brick blocker to use when I know ill be alone. I still need to figure out how to block youtube on my phone.
If I stop and surrender my list to God and the people I listed above then, by the power of God, I can overcome the urges to act out one day at a time.
we can't be sober in one area while acting out in another
it is critical for me. It motivates me to stay sober. And participating means just that, commenting, sharing and reaching out
Mike, Jeff, Jared
getting rid of medicine that I used to act out with. AAA acknowledge, advert and affirm not take phone in bathroom and not in bedroom at night
I have to take action before I can expect God to help me. even white-knuckling is a way of action
Clicked on "read about specific boundaries" and lost everything I typed out and am now pissed off. There were a lot of
great things from the reading but it's all about the "WE" and how we can't do this alone. Wellness is just Illness with a
WE in the beginning. Funny stuff about 3 way calling and all that old school stuff. Grateful for the improvements in
technology as well as access to so many more meetings and recovery resources.
It's where the real Connection and intimacy can happen and it allows you to live a life of recovery outside of the
meetings.
Two others from the Thursday meeting is my goal this week.
I have not done this yet and I can't click on the thing above without losing everything I've typed!
When we stop...we become present and have a chance to breathe and not react. In that pause is where God can play a
part and we can surrender to his will. For me God's presence is only felt in the Present Moment!
Clicked on "read about specific boundaries" and lost everything I typed out and am now pissed off. There were a lot of great things from the reading but it's all about the "WE" and how we can't do this alone. Wellness is just Illness with a WE in the beginning. Funny stuff about 3 way calling and all that old school stuff. Grateful for the improvements in technology as well as access to so many more meetings and recovery resources.
It's where the real Connection and intimacy can happen and it allows you to live a life of recovery outside of the meetings.
Two others from the Thursday meeting is my goal this.
I have not done this yet and I can't click on the thing above without losing everything I've typed!
When we stop...we become present and have a chance to breathe and not react. In that pause is where God can play a part and we can surrender to his will. For me God's presence is only felt in the Present Moment!
I think the part that stuck out to me the most was how important being involved in the fellowship and making connections is to recovery. I used to think that I could do recovery completely on my own, but I understand how that a good portion of the reasons why I acted out were because of the spiritual misconnection I had. And I see now how critical connection is with the brothers and the fellowship for my recovery.
Like I said above, I realize now that at the root of my acting out behaviors is a deep spiritual, emotional and mental disconnection. I was using my acting out behaviors to cover feelings of inadequacy and insecurity and depression and anxiety. I was using those behaviors because it released chemicals into my brain. That made me think I was feeling Joy and relaxation. But it was completely fake. There was no connection. I know through that true connections with others I can feel joy and peace. That is why participating in The fellowship of the program is so important.
I have already reached out to my brother-in-law, Zach and a friend from church, Gregg. Tomorrow, I am eating lunch with my friend Alex. I texted with a brother in the program named Tyler C. But I will try to reach out to him this weekend with a phone call.
I haven't put in place any boundaries yet. I will look at some examples of specific boundaries.
This was in the section I was talking about having a third option. In the first option, we just keep doing our acting out behaviors and lose control. In the second option, we fight the impulse and compulsion to act down our behaviors until it's too much. In the third option, we stop but we admit to God and to others that we are powerless. It's more than just stopping because we do it in public by sharing and surrendering to others. By externalizing it, we demonstrate Faith in our higher power. And that faith helps us to stay stopped.
The importance of honesty, empathy, awareness, and being able to regulate emotions.
For accountability I know I must get outside of myself and my own stinking thinking. I need to see others, be present with them, serve them, and forget what I think I know and be curious as I interact and serve others.
Zakk is another brother who is willing to be my accountability partner.
No screens after 11 pm
5 minutes of reading the BoM
Daily step work
Daily calls
Daily check ins
Practice being honest with others
I let go of my own ambitions, desires, fears, and selfishness, and instead, look to my higher power, the universe, the context of those around me, and then be present, consider others, giving others the benefit of the doubt, remember everyone is doing the best they can including myself, and then I give, not take, what I think is helpful, caring, and effective.
"We must be part of others or we cannot maintain effective surrender..." This really stuck out to me because I have lived this and I have felt so alone in my addiction. I have tried to rely on Daina before, but the past hurt I have caused her would get in the way of complete honest surrender. This has also been my biggest challenge is letting others in. I always want to, however I end of withdrawing into myself thinking I can do it on my own. That is going to be the hardest part for me right now in this journey, trusting people and the process.
So far the meetings I have participated in remind me that sobriety is possible. It is so motivating to hear from others who are staying sober. Addiction is opposite of connection. I need to trust that connecting with others is opposite of addiction and that is what my life needs right now.
Yesterday I talked openly and honestly to Daina and it made a huge difference in my day. I need to build up my connections with other SA members. I could also reach out to my friend Lamont.
I have eliminated social media. When I travel, I am going to request that the hotel remove the remote control from my room. If I need to work on my computer or iPad, I will do this in the lobby or public place. I will not open my iPad in my hotel room.
Surrender means acknowledging that I cannot do this on my own and that I need God. My issue is thinking I can overcome this on my own. Or if I have a couple of successful days, I "have it figured out". Dropping my pride and being active in my group, shows that I am surrendering to my addiction and allowing God in my life.
Commit yourself to the group, weather it is being formed or is operating but still small. Attend every meeting on time. This ensures maximum benefit to you and the group, Which cannot have continuity without regular participants.
Because the programme needs members to participate top enable the programme to work.
I dont reach out. This is somthing that I dont do. I dont have space for this in my life.
I dont objectify, masturbate or watch porn. I dont feel the urge to do these things and I dont want to test this in any way. I am happy to not and simply dont see a need.
We surrender our will over to the power of god and i that surrender we find salvation and freedom to live free of the addiction.
When we meet without someone else, what we are really saying is please help me. I never thought of it that way. All of those who are striving and who have been lead to meetings and to calling a fellowship of men are saying that they need help. I need to be willing to help as much as I am seeking it.
I have always felt that and have been told that participating is a way of telling God that I am willing to let other people in and that will change me. It is a sacrifice to God.
I am committing to reach out to someone every day of the week through a scheduled call but also if I have a lust trigger. I need to reach out to my group of support fellows. This includes Jon I Sundays, Rob M Mondays, Sam H Tuesday, Nikita Wednesday, Scott M Thursday, my sponsor, Dave T on Fridays, and one other guy on Saturday I have not identified yet. These brothers are consistent and who I know I can count on for a call. I also feel comfortable with them.
No internet or Youtube surfing by myself without a defined purpose. When sitting at my desk, start my billing clock and stay billing until I am done. I have shared them with my sponsor and printed them.
Only by turning to God can my nature and my thoughts change but it takes effort, one day at a time.
Getting out of ourselves stuck out to me. Well even this morning I was so caught up in how I was feeling that I allowed the first part of my day to be consumed by my feelings. Now that I read the passages I can breathe again.
A sense of belonging, be part of the community creating purpose for myself
Im going to be speaking with micheal, daniel, Landon, bryan, Brendan, jaysen
No porn
No masterbation
No objectification (real life or theatrical)
No fantasies (real life or theatrical)
Once we get out of our own way and trust God's will, thats when the power of god will be bestowed upon us (us is me)
“We always wanted (someone else) to do the stopping for us”. This has been me in the past. Always thinking I’ll be fixed if only someone did something. God, my spouse, etc.
I also resonated with “No one seems able to stay sober and progress without participating in the fellowship of the program”. That is true in my experience.
When I participate by being involved in meetings and especially reaching out to others, it gets me outside my own head and into reality. It builds the connection crucial to working recovery and making progress toward my relationship with God.
This week I have calls scheduled with Braiden, Ryan J, Ben A, Chris E, Jon I, Thomas, Tyler C. I have regular calls with most of them, plus a few others.
I do not use an internet browser on my phone except for specific, approved websites by my spouse. I do not use my computer unless my spouse is in the room. I do not use Facebook.
I have to do my part in refusing lust hits, but the real power comes in recognizing them and turning them over to God. He is the driving force in my recovery and only He has the power to take away my lust. I can never resist sufficiently to have victory over lust. Only through surrender do I have access to power greater than my own to overcome lust in each moment.
The idea of self absorption but not being aware of it was particularly poignant to me. I think that is an area I have looong struggled with and only partially realized it, sometimes not at all.
I feel the strength of the connection with the men in my group. I feel their love and support and like anything is possible with God, though it’s hard. Accountability also draws me out of darkness and lying to myself.
Scott.
Three-second rule
No phone use in the bathroom
I give temptations and triggers to God by not acting on them and by stopping acting out. This is hard, but the willingness to give these to Him allows His power and healing to take over.
That they don't try to explain why step zero works it's just a fact, just like the opposite of addiction is connection.
It is ESSENTIAL to participate because it's impossible to learn and grow without being present physically, mentally, and spiritually. Half measures avail us nothing.
My Brother
I don't even go in my room unless I'm sleeping.
We surrender our will to God and learn to live by his plan not ours because he knows what works for us better than we do ourselves.
How just talking can help
So we can all learn together
Myself
To find other ways to deal with stress
God can help us with this if we let him
Part that stuck out to me was that we stopped practicing our compulsion and all its forms we stopped feeding last, including the eyes, the fantasy the memory, we stopped, the language of lust which is resentment and rage we tried to go to a lot of meetings, I also like the “ That sometimes we struggle to go to meetings, so we “forget the steps, forget everything, just bring the body,“
Well, according to the literature by going to the meetings, it’s a saying “I have to stop; please help me.” In the advantage of going to lots of meetings that we get us out of ourselves.
Besides, reaching out to my sponsor, I’d like to reach out to my friend John and at least one other guy maybe
Boundaries put in place are earlier bedtime, no gym for now alone. No rated R or mature movies, no deleting texts. Take naltrexone medication.
I guess what I think that means is that when we put in our effort, God can help us. It’s hard for God to help us when we’re in our active addiction. He wants to help and will help but we need to do our part. It’s hard for God us to hear God in our lives when we are Drunken with lust.
I love this thought of i have had it backwards. I have wanted God or another to “fix” me. God will not make the decision of sobriety for me. I am required to make that choice as an agent. With the agency God sent me to earth with, i must choose sobriety. I must stop the acting out and surrender it to God. Then the power or God becomes effective in me. God, I surrender lust to you…. Help me continually surrender and live in thy power.
Participating with others removes the dark power of the addiction. I helps me to to realize that i am not exclusive. My problem is common and not unique. I find strength and hope in hearing others live in recovery. It give me hope that it will work for me. Bless me to keep coming back.
I will make some sort of recovery contact daily. Either attending a meeting or communicating with another in recovery.
I need to learn more about the boundaries. The link is broken, as i find a sponsor and learn about the progressive victory, I will update this writing.
I understand that i must exercise my agency as part of my recovery. I must choose and God will support. I must remove all barriers between me and him and seek his will constantly. If I don’t choose to stop, his power cannot be effective. God will not choose for me. I surrender to him my lust and seeking of pornography, sex, anger, dishonesty, manipulation, self will and all other defects of character. God grant me a pathway to thy power and strength. Give me a way out of my addiction. Help heal those I have harmed that i may have peace in thee.
La importancia de que no me puedo recuperar solo, que debo asistir a las reuniones para salir de mi aislamiento y que necesito estar en contacto con otros adictos
Me ayuda a conocer a otros sexólicos con mayor avance en la recuperación y a tratar de hacer lo mismo que ellos hicieron. Manifiesta un compromiso de que me quiero recuperar y trabajar el programa.
Aún no tengo sponsor, pero estoy hablando mucho con 4 compañeros de SA. Tengo que tener más contacto con otros miembros del grupo de SAL.
Algunos límites que he puesto son:
1)-Jugar ajedrez o mirar videos de youtube solo
2)-Llevar el celular al baño
3)-Quedarme solo en la casa
4)-Comer compulsivamente, sobre todo alimentos que son malos para mi salud (harina, azucar y coca cola)
5)-Evitar ver series o películas
6)-Evitar páginas de noticias en internet
Antes paraba pero a fuerza de voluntad, ahora tengo que parar pero entregarme a Dios totalmente, sin su poder es imposible que no vuelva a practicar la adicción. El poder de Dios solo será efectivo cuando me someta totalmente a su voluntad.
The part of the reading that stuck out the most to me was when they were talking about not being able to get/stay sober and get into recovery without participating in the fellowship of the program. If you don't commit to giving the program your all, then you won't get very far on your own. I have fallen into this over my 18 month recovery so far. I have found myself getting lazy and not being as intentional with the program.
I believe it's essential to participate so that you can hear others stories and how they got into healthy recovery. To me, it's also another avenue of accountability.
My parents, my brothers and my wife.
My wife have put several boundaries in place, some of which I struggle with to this day. Below are just a few of the boundaries:
- Absolutely NO pornography or online chat rooms/sexting.
- You can only use your laptop if there is someone else in the room with you.
- No taking your phone into the bathroom.
- No one-on-one get togethers with men, unless it's your dad or brothers.
- No more lying about what you have done.
To me, that means if you don't surrender, then the power of God won't be effective at ll. You won't be able to commit to God and foster a relationship with Him unless you stop and surrender. To me, this is the first step to recovery.
Just the parts about needing other addicts to surround myself with. I feel like I surround myself with good people that care about me but not enough addicts. They provide honesty and accountability to help and recovery.
it’s important to be an active participant in recovery rather than a passive. That helps you maintain sobriety and become a changed person
guys from previous meetings and current meetings. My wife. A best friend.
This is something I still need to do. When the page works and I find more specific boundaries information I’ll print them. Otherwise a boundary I need to set is avoiding lust in all forms
Once we make a little room in ourselves for God, he can make lots more of us than we could of ourselves
The fellowship and sobriety.
I cannot do this alone.
My peer group and men’s group
Blocks on phone.
We cannot do this without a higher power. Yielding control to this power may be the hardest thing for us to do.
The importance and critical nature of a support group for accountability and strength. Acknowledging finally that I can’t do this alone.
It gives me a group to be accountable to and to lean on when needed.
Jena, in our daily check-ins.
TOP & BOTTOM LINES
I will *always* surrender to God
I will *never* surrender to lust
I will *always* keep a safe environment
I will *never* go “online” by myself in any way
I will *always* go to bed with Jena at night
I will *never* have a screen on after 9 w/o Jena
DAILY
Connect with Jena and kids > screens and tasks
8:00 communion time & 9:20 check-in (aeiouy)
Study recovery material and scriptures
Check-in with accountability partner
WEEKLY
Monday family time, Thursday date night
Attend an SAL meeting in-person
The decision to stop is 100% on me. And once I truly surrender my will and make that decision, I give place and access for His power and grace.
TOP & BOTTOM LINES
I will *always* surrender to God > lust
I will *never* lust in my heart/mind/eyes
I will *always* keep a safe environment
I will *never* go “online” by myself in any way
I will *always* go to bed with Jena at night
I will *never* have a screen on after 9 w/o Jena
DAILY
Connect with Jena and kids > screens and tasks
8:00 communion time & 9:20 check-in (aeiouy)
Study recovery material and scriptures
Check-in with accountability partner
WEEKLY
Monday family time, Thursday date night
Attend an SAL meeting in-person
The idea of stopping lust in all its forms. Previously, I thought that I needed to stop doing the things that were outwardly harmful like porn and engaging with other women other than my wife. Now, I believe that masturbation is also harmful to the way I think about sex. It's also harmful in the way that I can hardly control when I do it, so exercising control over my actions in that regard is beneficial and healthy to my mind, body and spirit
Opening up and being vulnerable is the only way to truly diminish the effects, or the symptoms of my addiction. It's like a pressure valve, where every time I open up and talk about what I'm struggling with, the pressure of the addiction releases. Ever since I was caught, and revealed the true and full nature of my addiction in March, that pressure was released, and it hasn't built up again. This is largely due to the fact that I'm being vulnerable with so many different people in different ways. The consistency of being vulnerable with my group is the biggest factor is the success I've experienced so far. Going to meetings and learning and hearing what other people struggle with, and sharing my own struggles is so eye opening and freeing to my soul every time. It's one of the most spiritual experiences I've had in my life, and I get to experience it every week.
My wife is the only person I have that commitment to. I could also say Rachel, but she's my therapist, and kind of doesn't count? I'm open to increasing my accountability partners if necessary, but at this point, what I'm doing is working and I feel great about my recovery and goal to be in long-term recovery from my addiction.
I can’t be behind locked doors while working, unless the specific need arises (i.e., on an important call and the kids keep coming in). If I do accidentally lock the door out of habit, I will tell Sheree immediately
If I ever have my location deactivated. This is a non-negotiable. Can’t happen, won’t happen
While alone, I can’t have my computer or phone in my bed
No more social media, other than LI at work. If I do, we’ll have a conversation
Only use electronics with intention. If I do, fast from it the next day
No risque content of any kind. Look for what type of content is in shows/movies. If I stumble upon it, I’ll tell you as soon as possible
We stop acting out and satisfying our lustful desires, and get help, no matter what it takes. Once we do this, we feel the power come from above give us strength to continue on this path, even when we fail, our commitment to recovery and God's grace allows us to heal
