The biggest part that stuck out is I have to be a full participant. There is no half-assing recovery as evident now that I've had to reset my sobriety date after 4 years! To learn that really I never achieved the full years because of the ways I engaged with fantasy.
Looking back if I have been discussing daily, disclosing daily my current state of mind and behaviors, and truly surrendering lust then I don't think I would have got to the point I am today with a reset of sobriety and all the consequences that have come with it.
Daily calls - using the phone list from the group.
Keeping current boundaries of (no social media, only ksl/desnews for news, no movies/tv alone) and putting a lot more focus on boundaries over fantasy and most importantly HONESTY / TRUTH telling are my first boundary and priorty.
I think this means I have to make my own commitment to sobriety active by taking steps and deliberate actions and then the power of God becomes effective in us. I think of a scriptural examples of people in scripture acting in faith and taking steps AND then being led by God.
stopping my compulsion in all forms. I haven't been able to stop looking for attractive women. I have stopped lusting for them though.
To hear their stories of success and struggles. For me to share my success and struggles.
My therapist, and another SAL member.
I get a page not found error message. So I don't know about boundaries yet.
When we are active in our disease God can not be heard. When we stop God can work his miracles in us, sometimes over a bit of time.
With this addiction we need to exhaust all resources. if there isn't a group near you, make one. if you think you can do it on your own, you cant.
associating with other recovering individuals as the book says, it allows us to truly start our own recovery. the felllowship of the program allows us and others to be accountable to ourselves and other individuals.
my girlfriend. others in the group
I have removed all forms of social media from my phone. I am not strong enough to have that on my phone anymore
we must choose to eradicate lust in all forms in our life. we stop this, and by doing so, we truly allow God, our spouse and ourselves help to effect our lives.
What such out to me was when in addiction mind we are master layers, and we blame everyone else fro our problems,
because it help you not feel alone, isolation is one of my ways to cope on healthy
I have my CSAT my wife if i need to and lots off other Brothers on SAL
my wife and i have a boundary contract that my sponsor and soon my CSAT will have
It’s a 2 page contract
Like check in , travel plans , no devices in the bathroom full access to all devices
for me i think stopping g the acting out and humbly asking god for help and admitting the addiction is out of control and it is something that FOR ME i can n. It do with out gods help
And believe me i have tried many times and feel every time,
Now that I realize i do have a addiction i can work the programs and get the help I need and with gods help i can be sober
"The benefits of recovery are growth, freedom, and joy." I think this is the message I need to hear to today because I am feeling stagnant, trapped, and depressed. This brings me hope that this feeling isn't going to last forever.
Being with others will help me find connection and strength to continue one day at a time.
My therapist, when appropriate my wife, and members of the group.
I won't get on to specific websites (blocked or password protected)
I won't enter into conversations when I am feeling overwhelmed/triggered
I will talk things through with my sponsor and create plans for how to improve before I tell my wife about an acting out event/behavior
Stopping is just the starting point. Not looking at porn and acting out are just and surrendering my work to God is just the gateway. Eventually the work of the 12 steps will lead to the growth, freedom, and joy.
The emphasis on getting our of ourselves - connecting with others through meetings and how important that is to recovery.
This is what allows us to open up and seek and accept help and encouragement from others. Just having an ability to tell someone about a struggle helps "cut them down to size".
My sponsees.
I have boundaries described on a sheet posted in my closet, and pasted into my planner and journal. Screen boundaries are:
1. Computer - no news, entertainment, twitter or social media, or sports sites in office or alone in the house.
2. Phone - no news, entertainment, twitter or social media, or sports sites in office or alone in the house - daily minute restriction of 15 minutes for these categories.
3. TV - No TV alone except live events (sports, religious, political).
Learning the power of surrender was the secret to stopping. When triggers and temptations arise, it's something I must actively do - I must in my mind repeat words in my mind, acknowledging to GOD what I'm feeling, search why I'm feeling that way, acknowledge that what I'm tempted to do is something I desire to help that feeling (boredom, frustration, anger, anxiety, etc.) go away, and that I am surrending to God my life and will to him, that I know he doesn't want me to act out in the manner I'm tempted to do, and therefore I surrender to him the desire and temptation to act out and ask him to take it. I must actively think this through - or discuss it with another person - for the surrender to be effective.
Forgetting myself because it reminds me to not hide things
Serve others, learn from others, grow and bro f things to light.
Dan and Russ
As an addict, I need to cultivate humility.
I tried literally thousands of times to get better on my own. It doesn't work. Also, I can help my fellow addicts on their journey.
I don't know.
To occupy my time with positive things so there is less opportunity to get bored, which is a major trigger for me.
Quit trying to do it on my own. Surrener is the key.
the need to just get out and do something and get things out in the open. Also the need to meeting with others to confirm I am not alone.
It helps me feel better knowing i am not the only one who struggles with my addiction. It is also helpful to hear others who are farther along in their recovery journey and help encourage me that I could also make it further in my recovery. Also, to see others feeling happiness really is encouraging because that is where I want to be.
I am committed to checking in with my wife each day.
spend a half an hour with the Lord and working on my recovery, share with my wife my accountability each day, not use any electronic device that is not monitored or that my wife has access to.
If i stop and turn to God with efforts of recovery and a desire to draw closer to him, He will provide His strengthening grace to help my small efforts to be magnified.
In my surrender, the power of God becomes effective in me. I have to get out of the way and I have to let God do His thing and guide me and live my life according to God's will and not my own.
Open up to others and see who I am. Self-disclosure that is needed. Be open and honest.
Alison, Tom, Brandon W., Nikitas
4 circle plan, if I get out of my circle I must tell a sponsor immediately and tell Alison within 12 hours. Truple. All passwords on sheet for access for work phone, work computer, home computer. No television, no inappropriate music or podcasts, etc.
Once I get out of the way and I am not in control, God will take over and will guide me and lead me to where and who I need to be. I also must surrender to Alison and be her love slave.
I like how it says that without regular participation in fellowship there seems to be no recovery. I have seen this to be true in my life and need to make sure that I am constantly involved in fellowship to experience recovery.
i think the connection we get from attending meetings and fellowship is the connection we look for in lust. When I get out of my head it is easier to see patterns and learn from other peoples experiences.
I will make calls to other sa members like noah and brady as I feel triggered and want to surrendur.
Doing step work every single day and reaching out while feeling triggered is all I have set up right now.
When i stop resorting to lust and surrender, I new power comes to me through God. A power that can only come to me through stopping and surrenduring.
It stresses the idea that we can't recover alone.
It gets me out of my own head and in a group that helps as supports.
I don't have any connections at the moment, not even a sponsor.
None yet. I need to look at doing this.
We can't do it without God. I'm a little confused about the "now, we stop" part. That's the issue I am having trouble with. How do I stop and then receive the power of God. I thought it was His power that would enable me to stop. Perhaps it is talking about a willingness or desire to stop and a commitment to working on it? And with God's help we can "stay stopped"?
Just the way my acting out affected other people
Yes, I’ve seen it first hand in the AA.
Other men in the group
Nothing yet
Meeting God halfway
Just showing up to meetings, even if I didn’t want to, but then getting outside myself
Getting to know others so amazing knowing I’m not alone sharing the
Steve Grant somebody
No phone in my bathroom stay off my phone unless I need something account for everything
Give it to God with him I can stay sober. I can stay in recovery. I won’t start again.
I like the part that says the program doesn’t tell us how to stop. It says now we stop, and then in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us. The reason I like this is because I have looked at recovery as God stopping me from acting out. It’s my job to stop and when I let it go, God helps me Not start again. It’s my decision to let it go.
I think it’s essential to participate in the program because without that participation I grow complacent. I don’t have consistent work in my life to recover. Without the fellowship, I tried to do it alone and I don’t include others or God. I know that I am powerless by myself so if I don’t participate in the fellowship, then I am trying to do it alone again.
I want to text a couple of the guys in the group this week. I’m not sure if I want to call to be honest.
1. Seeking out in viewing pornography in anyway.
2. Masturbating.
3. Orgasm in sex with self.
I like the part that says the program doesn’t tell us how to stop. It says now we stop, and then in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us. The reason I like this is because I have looked at recovery as God stopping me from acting out. It’s my job to stop and when I let it go, God helps me Not start again. It’s my decision to let it go.
Several parts of the reading stuck out to me: "Instead of, 'I've got to have it, or I'll die!' our attitude becomes, 'I give up; I'm willing not to have it, even if I do die.'" and "we don't resort to our drug--one day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. And the craving passes!"
Both of these examples were extremely relatable to me as I have thought these thoughts, specifically with the feeling that I'll die if I don't satisfy the craving, with my struggles. Also, the thought "one minute at a time" in my other short-lived spells of thinking I was free of my addiction because I got complacent.
I think it is essential to work to participate in the fellowship of the program because even as I have seen in these readings that the thoughts are so relatable and that the sponsors who offer support have gained sobriety by working with Step 0, so it ought to be able to work for me too.
I am committed to reach out to my fiancée because I promised her that I would not keep this a secret from her as relationships die in secrecy.
I have removed all social media apps from my phone, and I mainly use my computer only at school unless I need to be at home for a certain assignment.
We surrender our cravings as we will not die without them even if it feels like it. Then God can help us as we have worked to free ourselves without thinking someone else would do it for us.
I am so grateful that I live in an are and time where recovery and 12 step groups are available to me. I have so many meetings that I could go to (both in person and online). The fact that i don't live in an area where there is no in person meetings is such a blessing to me. It would be so much more difficult to start an in person group on my own. I a so grateful for those men before me who started this program and who have made these tools and resources available to me. I am also so fortunate to live in a time where we have the technology to connect and meet with others across the country. Connection and brotherhood have been so important to my personal recovery and journey. I know that the more I invest in the meetings, the more I gain from them. I have really enjoyed being in different key 3's and having multiple opportunities to moderate the groups I attend. It does make a difference to be really involved as opposed to just showing up. Effort is a huge component of recovery and I am so grateful that I have the tools and resources I need to put forth effort.
I need to have "skin in the game" to really succeed. As I have actively participated in the meetings and in connecting with other men, I have seen miracles in my life and recovery. I was never good at connecting. Growing up and throughout most of my life I struggled to get outside myself and let others in. Recovery has taught me that I need connection with others, and more importantly, I need connection with other men in recovery to live a life of recovery and healthy sobriety. As I make calls, reach out to others, surrender, build friendships, sponsor, serve in group leadership roles, work the steps, and walk the path of recovery, I am participating in the fellowship of the program. Without these things, I am not in recovery.
I text my accountability group (Isaac, Guy and James) every Sunday and give them a quick update at how I'm doing and where I am with my sobriety. I also have regular discussion with Lily. While we no longer have nightly trust discussions, we have gotten to the point where we can discuss whatever we need to whenever we need it. I am also understanding that I want to involve Lily more in my work of recovery. I want her to feel safe and I know that me actively working my own recovery can help provide that. I also have committed to attend at least one meeting each and every week. For more than 2 years, I have regularly attended an in-person meeting Friday mornings at 6:30a as well as an online meeting every Saturday morning at 7:30a. After a year, I thought I would cut back to just one meeting a week, but I have found that I love attending and connecting with the men in both groups so much that I want to continue attending both.
I do not use my phone in the bathroom. I do not participate in social media (complete fast from all social media). I do not passively surf the internet (only use with a specific purpose). I do not passively surf TV channels (only watch something purposefully). I do not go more than 24 hours before telling Lily of any slip or relapse. I will work my individual recovery actively each day (except Sunday). Ways to actively work my recovery include: reading in my recovery books, working the online curriculum, active step work, connecting with men in recovery (via text, phone call, lunch, etc.). The point is to do something each day. Spend at least one day a week working the online curriculum.
It's all about turning my will over to God. Surrendering all the good and all the bad of me completely to God. When I really do this, I feel His love and His power. When I feel connected to God, I feel my value, worth and potential. This is when I am able to really connect with others. It's been a new idea for me that in order to improve my connection and relationship with someone else, instead of focusing on that specific relationship, I need to focus on my relationship with God. It seems counterintuitive to do that, but in reality, that makes the difference because when I am solid and connected with God, and He is at my center, I am only then at a point where I can connect genuinely with someone else.
Two things stuck out to me about our reading today:
1. We can't be sober in one area while still acting out in another. We have to stop feeding lust and practice sobriety. We need to get rid of all materials and triggers that we are able to get rid of. Now we STOP; and then, in our surrender, the power of GOD becomes effective in us. This is so important as step 0.
2. We have to participate in the fellowship of the program. We cannot continue with lasting recovery without being actively involved in a 12-step meeting. Recovery teaches us that addiction is isolation and recovery is connection. The meetings help us start to realize this and to connect with other brothers who feel similarly.
As I was saying in the last answer, addiction is isolation and recovery is connection. In the 12-steps we realize that we our lives have become unmanageable, that we are powerless in ourselves to recover and overcome these addictions, and that only through surrender to a higher power can we start to heal and recover. This is how we start to connect with God. We also need to connect with others who have similar desires to us so that we can all strengthen each other. My weekly meetings are uplifting and bring me closer to understanding myself, my addition, and my God.
I have been reaching out to my sponsor every other day. My goal is daily but probably doing it on an every other day basis. I have also plan to reach out to 2 or 3 other brothers this week. I have found it awkward to reach out to others but have also found the times that I have spoken with them very uplifting and helpful. Recovery is connection.
1. Avoid pornography in all its forms.
2. When I am in my home office, the door needs to be kept open at all times unless I have specifically talked to my wife about why it needs shut.
3. Let my wife know where I am going and when I am headed home. She can also track me on Life 360 and call if she wants to check in with me.
4. Let me wife know if I am downloading any apps and what it is.
5. Be deliberate with social media. No wasting time watching reels or mindlessly looking at social media.
I am trying to understand this better. We have to stop. We have to start sobriety. We have to make an effort. In reality that effort is I cannot do this along. I will stop. I then need to surrender to you and need God to do the rest. However, as soon as we do that, we can lay claim to God's power and help in effectively surrendering our addictions and faults.
Attend meetings on time; the importance of participating in the fellowship and sharing my story with others; vulnerability. Connection, be a part of others’ recoveries. “We stop relishing the language of lust, resentment, and rage.” I want to work on avoiding profanity, and surrendering when I feel rage towards my parents or others. Gratitude is an antidote to rage and lust. I want to get out of my own head, out of myself and get connected to others. Participating in the fellowship helps me to feel a part of.
Vulnerability, being willing to share and connect with others helps me see I am not alone. Participation and communion with others is part of healing.
I am committed to daily calls with SAL members other than my sponsor. I have many brothers I can reach out to. I find joy in connecting with others in the fellowship.
I have dailies: exercise, step work, make a call, attend a meeting, journal in the evening. My boundaries are:
- avoid using my phone while in the bathroom. But I can play General Conference from it or be listening to audio.
- Avoid looking up anything online unless it is for school, work, or church, or other important task and is necessary.
- Make a call and talk to someone or leave a voicemail if I feel tempted to act out.
- Prioritize my dailies before completing other tasks. That means exercising and step work in the morning before school, piano, or other tasks.
- Don’t text ex-girlfriends without first talking to my sponsor and others in the program. Don’t text or talk to women with the purpose of intriguing, getting them to like me, or trying to develop a romantic relationship. If I receive a text that I am unsure about responding to, talk to my sponsor before responding. If I find myself having a conversation with a woman and wanting to flirt, fantasize, or get them to be attracted to me, surrender and talk to someone in the program about it.
My job is to stop, and then trust God’s power to work in me to help me stay stopped.
The "We Stop" paragraph had the greatest impact on me. I cannot indulge (act out) in any area of my addiction. It is 100% sobriety or nothing.
You don't feel alone. There is strength in numbers when you share your story with other and you hear theirs. You lose fear and are ablle to reach out to others and get help and discuss the challenges/tempations you face.
I need to develop contacts from my local group that I will reengage with on 1/5.
I do not look at porn or racy type pictures or material in any form. That includes advertisements that may be inappropriate. My biggest problem is my lustful thought life. I give in the lustful thoughts and engage them with fantasy periodically but I cannot do that because that is feeding lust. One time to too many.
I cannot blame others for my lack acting out. I must take fulll accountability and responsibiltiy. No one can tell me to stop, I must make the decision and am solely responsible for stopping, it is then that God's power can become effective in me. I must STOP, not be willing to stop but actually stop Lust in all in forms and manifestations in my life.
Finding a group and trusting that the program works
Because you find others who are and have battled this addiction that are there to help
Don't have a sponsor
By truly surrendering this to our higher power, we become free to accept his help
That going to the meetings is a must in recovery and that I need to eventually open up and tell my story to the group so i can really start my healing.
It's been proven that trying to heal on my own does not work. I need others to help keep me on the correct path of healing by reporting in weekly and maybe even daily.
My wife is all for now but I need to get an updated list of all the other people that are open for phone calls/texts
Don't stay up to late
Deleted most social media accounts
No movies with strong sexual themes and nudity
It means I stop making the choice to use and turn to God in humbleness and ask for strength to get us through the day. If we have the faith and it is His will, his power will be effective enough to do just that.
The program doesn't show us how to stop, it shows us how to stop from starting again. I think this was an interesting perspective and it makes sense. Also the essential nature of a group and/or someone to work it with.
I believe those who say it can't be done without a group, without connection to others fighting the same fight.
I will find phone numbers of folks willing to accept calls and reach out to them.
Monitoring software, physical rules of no phone in the bathroom, plugged in our bedroom, no watching videos alone, etc.
It is up to me to stop, then surrender temptations and desires to God in order to not start up again.
Fellowship is key to success of sexual sobriety
Why? Because it is true.
Active participation in the fellowship of the program plugs you in to a community of folks that understand you because they have the same challenges and you can understand and relate to them as well.
Daniel, Paul, Eric
No phones in the bathroom - EVER
No reels or video scrolling on Facebook and Instagram
Phones docked and recharging overnight
Do not be on the computer past 10pm at night
Stop feeding our lust and acknowledge our powerlessness over it.
Acknowledge that we are helpless and hopeless alone in our efforts to overcome our addiction
Humble ourselves sufficiently to God so that in His great mercy and love He can help us.
