The parts that stuck out to me are how important it is to be part of a group. It even says to start your own group if there are none around you and to pray to find other sexaholics to join the group. This stuck out because of how much emphasis it puts on being part of a group.
Addiction thrives in secrecy and isolation. Being part of a recovery group removes the isolation and forces the issue into the light. Participating in the fellowship to me means that you are active and contribute to the group, which will help bring you closer to group members, which should help in your recovery.
Zac is someone who I have been having contact with.
Boundaries:
-Don’t use internet-enabled devices while lying in bed
-Don’t browse web/video while in the bathroom
-Remove internet-enabled devices from bedroom when I sleep (fully turn off tower PC)
To me this means that we take responsibility for stopping rather than on counting others to stop us. When we stop, we surrender ourselves and our wills in this matter to God, who will give us strength to keep from starting again.
I like the idea of having the different models layed out so that I can tell, just from the scenery, what space I am in. It's hard to tell sometimes if I am doing well or not.
Because connection is the opposite of addiction and participating with other people makes things more relevant.
Grant, Adam and Landon
No phone in the bathroom, no linkedin of FB on my phone
It means we have to stop first and surrender our will and our expected outcomes THEN the power of God can help us.
That there could be no true recovery from addiction if we allow it to persist in any area, whether in our thinking or acting out. Even though I stopped acting out, there are times when I still think about it. I have lived with this addiction for so long that it is hard not to think about it from time to time.
It helps me surrender things that I may be holding in. Talking about my addiction to others who have been through a similar situation helps me understand myself better. Also listening to others talk about their personal issues and connecting with them, knowing exactly what they are talking about and knowing I'm not the only one going through the same situation.
Other members in my Thursday night SA group. My goal is to contact at least 5 people each week
Spend less time on social media, put away my phone whenever I am left alone at home, not watch provocative TV Shows/Movies, skip any provocative podcasts, stay away from places that may trigger me to relapse.
When I was powerless over my addiction, the devil played a bigger role then God did and it wasn't until I decided to surrender my powerlessness over my addiction and turn myself over to God, that he truly has effected me in a positive way.
lasting recovery doesn't work without connection with others - and those connections begin from attending meetings.
I recall two months ago when I confessed to my wife and went seeking an SA meeting that was listed as current in my city. I showed up, on time, but didn't know where the entrance was. Found a motorcycle club meeting, in teh same place but for a different purpose, and was told there are no other meetings here,. I went to my car and cried, achingly alone and desperate for connection with someone who knew what I was dealing with. I found the meeting later (other side of the building) but that experience reminded me how much I need others to truly get started in what i'm doing.
I'm making lists of men I can call from the various meetings I'm attending
Working on this soon with my sponsor
Clearly i'm unable to manage my way out of a paperbag - so, when in the moment, when the lust dragon rears it's head, I stop and call upon God to take it over, to give Him the urge, and let it work through Him
I know I need to attend a group and talk with others because I have always lived in isolation which has definitely fed my addiction.
It helps you stay sober. It feels good to share. You can use the strength of others when you are struggling.
I will reach out to Al and arrange a phone call.
Deleted apps and websites used to act out. Started the 40 days focus workbook.
This is the part I don't totally understand. I don't feel very spiritual or connected with god.
The part talking about surrendering stuck with me the most. I've decided to take that first step and surrender myself and my addiction.
I think having that support system is essential in succeeding in recovery.
I don't have a sponsor yet but there have been a couple guys in the group that I've been able to reach out to, as well as my wife.
My wife and I have discussed boundaries recently. we haven't set anything in place yet just discussed.
I don't fully understand it, but I'm going to keep reading and hopefully it will make sense.
Me llegó que sin participación activa en grupos con otros sexólicos en recuperación es imposible recuperarse. Las reuniones las llamadas son fundamentales.También me llamó la atención que decidir parar es mi decisión y que luego por medio de la rendición, dios hace posible que no vuelva a consumir.
En la soledad no puedo conectar con los demás, estoy ensimismado en mis problemas, encerrado en mi mente. Sin participar no hay acción, no hay compromiso, no hay servicio, no hay liberación de la autoobsesión.
Tengo un compañero de rendición pero debería buscar otros padrinos a los que les pueda hablar una vez por semana al menos para contarles como va mi recuperación.
Comer compulsivamente, jugar juegos de computadora, mirar series, utilizar herramientas de inteligencia artificial.
Me hace pensar que la decisión de parar es mia, yo tengo que dar el primer paso y eso es aceptar mi paso cero. Luego de parar y de hacer mi parte, Dios puede ayudarme a dejar de consumir y a comenzar mi recuperación.
On page 63, the discussion on meeting regularly with other members, even starting a group in your area where non currently exists, was interesting. I find myself in that situation, and I attend a meeting multiple states away virtually. However, I think long distance meetings make it more difficult to be accountable, which leads to relapses.
As the book says, to "stop living only and always inside our own heads." It also provides us with people we can reach out to in cases where we are about to relapse and need to tell someone.
No idea. I can try reaching out to someone I met from the program already, or perhaps my church leader.
Officially, none. I do have a content blocker on my computer, and I suppose I can put one back on my phone my wife has helped me with in the past.
As the book says, "We had it backwards; before, we always wanted the therapist, spouse, or God to do the stopping for us - to fix us. Now, WE stop; and THEN, in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us."
This statement seems to indicate that God does nothing to help us against our own will. If we want help from Him, we need to take a step to show that we want his help, if we want it to be lasting. This is difficult though because I sometimes feel like I'm guessing at what that step is.
we stop feeding lust - this is hard to do
to get out of my head and help others
other people from meetings in recovery
no social media without supervision in front of others
we surrender when tempted
A fact they've seen: No one seems to be able to stay sober and progress in recovery without associating in some way with other recovering individuals. The SAL 12-step meetings are a way to connect with them. We’ve found we cannot do it alone.
Connection with other brothers is so critical. Without regular fellowship, there seems to be no recovery.
Commit yourself to your group and to attending and fellowshipping with those brothers - and be on time.
Stop feeding 1) lust, 2) resentment, 3) anger, and 4)selfishness. Stop acting out in any form.
This program doesn't show us how to stop. It shows us how to not start again - surrender to God, and receive God's power.
Addiction thrives in secrecy, in the dark. By participating in the fellowship, we bring our true selves to the light, and share and are not met with judgement and shame. We can be vulnerable to share those things that have been suppressed into dark corners, and when they are brought into the light, they lose their power.
I have felt how important connection has been for me in recovery.
In addition to my sponsor, Rich N, I've been reaching out to other brothers in SAL: Al D, Travis B, Andrew S, Tyler C, Zakk, Lee S, Gavin, and others. I am grateful for the network of SAL brothers with whom I am able to connect.
Well, bummer... the link that says to click to read about boundaries is broken. I have not put into place boundaries with my sponsor.
I've had boundaries at times in my recovery journey, but I haven't really adhered to a dedicated written out set of boundaries for some time now.
I think some good boundaries would be like:
Put my phone away when it's time for bed, and only use it for scriptures or answering texts, when it's late at night, if even that.
Keep my phone outside of the bathroom / toilet area.
Browse the web only for specific searches - no doom scrolling.
Start and end each day with prayer to my Heavenly Father.
Surrender to God immediately when I feel triggered with lust, fear, resentment, selfishness.
As we freely give up (surrender) desires to turn our hearts toward lust, resentement, selfishness, fear, to God, He gives us power, grace, to stay connected to Him.
Controls on phones, 6 mtgs a week, surrender as needed throughout the day, control my exposure to media, no social media.
I commit to stop the madness of sex addiction, daily routines, boundaries are in place, The power of God comes are I surrender to his will daily.
I really like the emphasis on connection in the reading. It boldly states that without the fellowship, recovery won’t happen. That is what I’ve experienced since going to a fellowship. I’ve had more success since sharing my story and connecting to others stories than I ever did going at it alone.
Because isolation keeps us trapped. It keeps us in our comfort zone. It allowes the relapse cycle to continue over and over. “Conning ourselves” I feel like connecting with others is the missing ingredient. Extending ourselves.
I haven’t made any real commitments to particular people but a general commitment to reach out during the week. Those that I do regularly reach out to are Brian, Slater, Joe, Mike, Torrey, Doug and Jonathan. There have been others but not as regular.
No surfing the television when alone. If watching a movie with my white the tv goes off if she falls asleep. No computer use when alone in a room. No getting on the computer without telling my wife. No internet on my phone. No sex when feeling lust. Some others are; no cussing. Don’t react in anger when triggered. Don’t contradict something my wife has told the kids in front of them. Even if I don’t agree. (Talk in private). Do not lie or minimize.
God wants me to exercise my own agency for good. To WANT give up my desire to lust, and then do it. Then to trust that he will guide me. In that sacrifice he can empower me to continue to surrender and be successful in my recovery.
"We had it backwards; before, we always wanted the therapist, spouse, or God to do the stopping for us---to fix us.
I have always expected everyone to save me. Alison, coaches, people from meetings. I have not taken full responsibility that I got myself in this mess and I am the one to blame for it. I am the reason I am here. Myself, God, & my Ezer can help me get out of this but I have to do the heavy lifting myself. They are there for support and a spring board for when I don't see or don't want to see all of the evil within me. They can be here for help but the only one who is going to do it is me, myself, and I!
By attending meetings and then being a part of the meetings, I see that I am not alone in this and I see that there is hope and there is help for me if I seek it. If I do what I have been doing and just be a lone wolf to where I am not having anyone in my life who has been down the path I am going down, there is no one to help guide me, or help me keep my eyes on the right thing at the right time, I get lost and that is where I have been. Lost.
I will reach out and speak to my wife regarding my daily studies and I will reach out to someone in a meeting today or tomorrow that I find is at a place that is healthy.
I have my 4 circle plan that lists Pornography, Abuse, Lying, Manipulation, Pornification, Objectifying, Video Games, Football, Social media, Masturbation, Television, & Sports. There are boundaries in place with codes and with cameras in our home to help keep me from living in any of these things. I was just watching television today and I should not have been doing that. These things are there for a reason, to help me and to help keep me going in the right direction. If I am going to choose to participate in any of these, that is not going in the right direction.
I replace all of my addictions, my consumption, my wanting for everything I can have in this life with God! He is the one I go to for comfort, for easing of my pain, for help to get through the day. He is the one that can ease my sorrows, take my fears and calm them, and He is the only one who can take who I am and mold me into who He wants me to be.
"Commit yourself to your group."
-- I do this because I am not trustworthy by myself.
"The measure of your commitment will be the measure of your recovery."
-- This really is true. I have seen how effective recovery work can be and has been. It goes along with "half measures avail us nothing." There is no other way. The effort in equals the recovery out. I can not cheat my way to recovery.
"There can be no true recovery from addiction if we allow it to persist in any area, whether in our thinking or in our acting out."
-- This is true. When I have allowed lustful thoughts to hang around I have relapsed, every time. I simply am unable to have any control over lust. I must not even play the game, that's how it is. When I get stuck I take actions to surrender otherwise I will fall back into addictive cycles.
Because it helps me to have people to be accountable to. Yes, this includes my wife, my kids, and myself. However, a group of recovering addicts are very special because they have all felt the things I am feeling. They can't do the work for me but they can offer encouragement, insight, safety, and love. They can guide me to see my insane thinking and call me out on ways I'm trying to escape reality or not taking responsibility.
Zakk R. He is my accountability partner.
No screens after 11 pm
No mindless games
No keeping actions of lust to myself
Surrendering self absorbed feelings until they no longer dominate me
I stop the insanity. I allow God to take over the fight. God will take away the lust if I allow him. This often looks like me calling my sponsor or another recovering brother to surrender. I am unable to stop while being idle. In order for me to stop, I must go ... Go to a meeting, go call a brother, go serve someone else, go study my books. These are the actions of recovery I must take.
When it says to stop in all forms and to get out of our heads and into groups. It sticks with me because sometimes I dread waking up early to hit a meeting or staying up late when I'm tired after work to hit a meeting. So then I end up not going end I relapse or I slack on reading the material. But then when I do go and attend a meeting it makes me feel better and I can't always explain what I feel after but I feel better than I did when I didn't go to a meeting.
I think connection is one of the keys to unlocking lifelong sobriety and peace.
I actually don't have a sponsor but I want to force myself to commit to getting a sponsor and reaching out to guys in the groups I attend.
I have stopped watching porn and masturbating completely. I have deleted all social media platforms. I limit screen time on my phone and TV. I really only watch kids shows these days to avoid any and all sexual/suggestive conent in movies and tv shows.
I understand it as by stopping and surrendering we allow GOd to fill the void we thought we were filling by lusting. We allow Him to guide our thoughts, our actions, our beliefs and He will guide us to prosperity.
Done on 4/27/25 -
That it seems almost no one can get sober and stay sober without associating with other recovering individuals in some
way.
Because in this addiction I feel alone and that im the only one that has this problem. Participating helps to understand
that I am not the only broken person and that through each other we can help strengthen each other.
I dont have a sponsor right now. But I will reach out to Joel and my friend Mindy.
I am still working on setting my boundaries.
For me, its understanding how to turn my will to the lord. And being able to let him take it from me. And allowing him
into my life to help me in this path.
That I cannot get very far in achieving sobriety on my own. With out the hope and stories of others I feel trapped inside of my head and unable to connect. Being at meetings on time and helping in anyway will bring me out into reality. And speaking out my secrets and things I'm struggling with inside my head cuts down the street is has on me significantly.
Because staying inside and alone will grow my addiction. Helping and hearing others will bring me out from myself into a place with others.
Bill
Wes
Dennis
No nude images
Report lust of provocative images
We continue to put our surrender into God's hands and he will lift us from the burden.
Regular participation in the group meetings /fellowship.
Commitment to regular attendance.
Others t;hat I have made contact with in hte grou.
No use of Facebook or other social media platforms.
We must allow God to take charge of our wrongful actions and thoughts.
One part that stuck out to me was that there was the first step of simply showing up, and how important that step is. Enough to say, the other steps don't matter, just show up. I also found that it was very interesting that it focused so much on participating in set up of, the process of and different parts of the meeting. Being connected and being involved leads to growth connection and better understanding. I want to commit myself to a deeper level of involvement in the meetings in all the ways that I can.
I think it is essential to participate in the fellowship of the program because, it creates real connection. As of now, I have shown up, it is a great feeling to be there, and I leave and then I am simply waiting to go back to another meeting, when it doesn't have to be like that. The point of the meetings are to connect with people who are just as devoted to recovery as you are, that doesn't mean you can't go talk about your recovery over lunch or out at an event together.
I am committed to making contacts with various people throughout the week. I want to reach out to many different people, find those that I feel will be best for me to reach out to, and create a accountability group for me to turn to in times of need.
I have told him my daily actions I want to take, some goals that I have had in mind, and will continue to communicate with him throughout the weeks about what progressive victory looks like for me that week. I want to set attainable goals for me to meet, and have my sponsor and others there to help me live up to them.
To me it means that all this time we have been asking god to make us stop, help us stop, and purify us, yet that is not how it works. No unclean thing can enter into the presence of god. In so, when we are actively pursuing a life of filth, god is not able to bless us in the way that we need. There is a scripture or saying I cant remember which that says if a son asks a father for a fish, would ye give them a serpent? If ye can imagine the good that man has for his son, imagine the good that heavenly father has for us in his blessings. God knows that a man can not live in recovery while acting out, that a man can not be both in a state of recovery and addiction. Therefore, god asks that we now stop, then surrender our addiction to him. Once we have stopped, we can turn to him in strength. He has much strength to give us in recovery, and he can not convince a man in addiction to step out of it unwillingly.
The need for connection the need for others something I truly missed didn’t know I was missing it, but I did
Having support knowing others are facing the same trials it’s wonderful
Steve Grant make a call every day
Don’t endlessly scroll don’t take my phone in the bathroom. Don’t watch TV without my family.
Rendering to God, I can feel his love his will see what I need to do to be a bit better
The importance of fellowship. Addiction thrives in secrecy. Having others to share with is crucial to recovery.
We need to share our story. We need others who understand and have empathy. We not in this fight alone.
My Bishop and my friends in the fellowship.
I have boundaries on electronic devices. I have to place my mental health first.
It’s only when we surrender ourselves to God that we can begin the process of recovery.
The program doesn't tell us how to stop-we had done that a thousand and one times-it shows us how to keep from starting again. We had it backwards; before, we always wanted the therapist, spouse, or God to do the stopping for us-to fix us. Now, we stop; and then, in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us.
This passage was most impactful to me. I can relate to the feeling of looking for those around me to help me stop the madness of my addiction. The most egregious was my wife. I asked her to do many things outside her comfort level to satisfy my sexual fantasies. This is one thing of many things that I deeply regret.
It works when you work it. GOD WILL BLESS YOUR EFFORTS!!!
I will reach out to at least one brother in recovery every day.
First of all I will honor my wife’s boundaries.
My specific boundaries are:
No phone use in bathroom
No using Social Media
24 hour notice of relapse
Digital transparency and monitoring
12 step group meetings
Finance sharing
Therapy
No reaching out to past acquaintances
In my surrender my I am giving the power of my addiction to God and he will give me the power to overcome addiction.
There was a part that talked about committing myself to the group and how this ensures the maximum benefit for me and the group. I think that stuck out because not only can I benefit from the group, but others can while I'm there as well. But not just benefit, get the maximum benefits. In the past I've just kind of often attended group but not been super invested, so I got benefits but not as much as I could have.
It also talks about how we need each other, and I've never been really good at allowing myself to need others. So just thinking about that and that it's something I need to work on. Need to work on being okay with and accepting that I can't do this alone.
If I'm not participating, am I getting all I can out of the group? If I'm not being part of the fellowship, am I still just trying to go it alone? I think that doing more than just going to group is necessary. Obviously going to group is important and being able to learn and hear from others really helps. But that's just one day of the week. What about the other 6 days? And this is where I need to participate fully in the fellowship and reach out to others every day.
I need to make a list of all the people that I've kind of connected with as I've attended group and I feel most comfortable with reaching out to. I've really felt a good connection with Bill K and have reached out to him and will continue to reach out to him every week. I have a brother who has gone through a lot of this process and is very supportive, so I'll commit to reaching out to him once a week. And I'll come up with some others as well.
I haven't put any specific boundaries in place so this is something for me and my sponsor to talk about. I will also talk with my therapist about it and come up with some things.
In my own experience, when I'm stuck in the addiction, nothing good can happen. If I'm not stopped at all, I won't make progress. I don't make room for God to work with me. He is trying all the time I know, but it won't be effective unless I allow him in. And I can't do that while I'm so stuck in myself and my lust. I leave no room for him or anybody else to help me.
The part that stuck out to me the most was the part about STOPing completely. "I can be masturbating to the image of a blank wall, and I'm still resorting to my drug." When I masturbated at work I always thought about two things. either my wife or the thought of pleasing myself. When I recorded myself however I got even more off of that. Masturbating in public and doing it for the. thrill of it is my drug. This new desire to be sober and stay sober feels so good right now. i know it will be harder later on down the line but I'm truly committed to this. Not committed like my gym app or my calorie counting app but actually committed this time.
I think its crucal becomes it gives us people in recovery a place to talk, heal, and stay sober. Its a place thats inviting a safe.
I really want to attend my first SAL meeting today its a friday night at they're scheduled to meet at 2100 but I have a snowboarding trip tommorrow. I'm going to try today but if not today then next Tuesday, Yiseth's birthday.
I have set up boundaries by deleting the Tik Tok app. Something I notioceed constanly and what made me always go back to acting out was when it prompted me by showing me videos of horses urinating, having sex, or when it showed me a video about a new sex position I should try. Its disgusting!! That was something that always triggered me to act out and masturbate. I'm glad I deleted it.
Now that I have stopped I need to surrender all my worries and doubts that I can't stay sober all to God. With him anything is possible. By staying sober and trusting in him to help in my healing journey even when it becomes hard is essential. By healing myself I can share my experience and help others. This in turn will help allow God to work through me. I ask that all the time. "God lead me down the right path that you want me to" let me essintialy be your hands and feet and share the good news. I'm sober now 13 days and I'm ready to see that number grow.
