Getting involved. Because as I get involved it gets me out of myself and focus on other.
Because connection is the key to recovery. If you are participating in the fellowship you aren't forming connections and if you aren't forming connections you are in hiding.
I reach out to my therapist. Still working up the courage to reach out to friends
No phone in the bathroom, no reading or listening to erotic literature, not pornography, no searching GIF's, no masturbating, no searching or buying female intimate apparel. Eye contact with dashers and guests. Attend 3 meetings a week regularly. Therapy every week.
As I make the effort to stop my behavior of acting out or in other words surrendering that behavior it will leave room for God to enter into my life which will guide me into effective recovery.
1. It’s CRITICAL that I participate in fellowship.
2. I stop, and I don’t start again.
I am social. And I need a support system of people who encourage me and I encourage them.
Jaysen, other Brad, Bogue, pier, Craig
Daily prayer, daily journal, daily contacts, daily step work, daily repentance, no distracting media, no vulgar media
I am the one who stops. Before, I was asking God or my therapist or my wife to make me stop. No more. I am stopping, and then the power of God becomes effective in me, and I become progressively more capable.
The part that stood out to me was, “we stop practicing our compulsion in all its forms.” I’m realizing that for me this goes beyond simply not looking at pornography. I’ve stopped seeking porn and try not to feed lust when sexual content comes up in movies or TV.
I’ve also started recognizing a more subtle form of compulsion in my relationship with my wife. I’m very attracted to her and want to have sex with her, which I don’t think is wrong by itself. But I’ve realized that at times I’ve needed her sexual interest and desire for me as reassurance that I’m wanted, loved, or okay.
I’m learning to surrender that need. I can want and desire my wife while also respecting her current boundaries around sex and her need to feel safe. I don’t want my desire for her to turn into pressure, resentment, or Little Justin behaviors when I don’t get the reassurance I want.The part that stood out to me was, “we stop practicing our compulsion in all its forms.” I’m realizing that for me this goes beyond simply not looking at pornography. I’ve stopped seeking porn and try not to feed lust when sexual content comes up in movies or TV.
I’ve also started recognizing a more subtle form of compulsion in my relationship with my wife. I’m very attracted to her and want to have sex with her, which I don’t think is wrong by itself. But I’ve realized that at times I’ve needed her sexual interest and desire for me as reassurance that I’m wanted, loved, or okay.
I’m learning to surrender that need. I can want and desire my wife while also respecting her current boundaries around sex and her need to feel safe. I don’t want my desire for her to turn into pressure, resentment, or Little Justin behaviors when I don’t get the reassurance I want.
The part that stood out to me was, “we stop practicing our compulsion in all its forms.” I’m realizing that for me this goes beyond simply not looking at pornography. I’ve stopped seeking porn and try not to feed lust when sexual content comes up in movies or TV.
I’ve also started recognizing a more subtle form of compulsion in my relationship with my wife. I’m very attracted to her and want to have sex with her, which I don’t think is wrong by itself. But I’ve realized that at times I’ve needed her sexual interest and desire for me as reassurance that I’m wanted, loved, or okay.
I’m learning to surrender that need. I can want and desire my wife while also respecting her current boundaries around sex and her need to feel safe. I don’t want my desire for her to turn into pressure, resentment, or Little Justin behaviors when I don’t get the reassurance I want.
Right now, I haven’t made a specific commitment to reach out to another person during the week. I primarily reach out to my wife when I’m struggling.
I recognize that relying only on my wife for connection and recovery support probably isn’t enough. I want to begin developing relationships with other men in SAL, both by checking in when things are going well and by reaching out when I notice myself becoming dysregulated, resentful, isolated, or tempted to hide or escape.
A reasonable next step for me would be to begin checking in with at least one SAL member during the week rather than waiting until I’m already struggling badly.
My current boundaries include:
I do not seek out pornography or search the internet for material to lust after.
I can desire and be attracted to my wife, but I do not want to compulsively sexualize her, pressure her for sex, or use her sexual interest in me as reassurance of my worth.
I respect my wife’s sexual and emotional boundaries.
I avoid movies and television that contain material that feels like soft pornography or becomes overly sexually triggering, and I stop watching when necessary.
I practice honesty daily and try not to hide what is happening internally.
I journal, work my recovery, do my affirmations, exercise, and take care of my physical health.
I do not smoke marijuana.
My current alcohol boundary is that I do not drink unless my wife is also drinking. I recognize that I may need to continue examining whether this boundary is strong enough if alcohol becomes a way for me to numb or escape.
I do not intentionally disengage, disappear, or shut down when conversations become difficult. I work on staying present and communicating what I’m feeling instead of burying it and building resentment.
I have not yet shared these boundaries with a physical sponsor or formally printed them out, so that is still an area of the program I need to work on.
Surrender to me means letting go of the things I cannot control. I think of it as “let them, then let me.”
I let other people have their emotions, reactions, opinions, and choices without trying to immediately control or change them. Then I allow myself the space to decide how I want to respond.
Surrender creates space and peace inside me. Instead of reacting immediately, fixing something, defending myself, escaping, or trying to control the outcome, I can pause and let my Higher Power into that space.
My Higher Power doesn’t make the decision for me. Surrender gives me enough space to see the situation more clearly and then make a choice that is consistent with honesty, integrity, love, and the person I want to be.
For me, surrender means letting go of what I cannot control so I can take responsibility for what I can control.
I need others. I need to get out of isolation. I can’t heal if I am all by myself. Being in fellowship with others gives me the chance to feel accepted as I am. I need others and they need me.
As shared above, I need others in my life to talk to when emotions come up so I process them well and I am moving forward.
Eric, Heath, Justin, Jon, Shad, Hyrum, Jay, Thomas, Doug
Report within 24 hours of lapse. Call when feeling bothered.
God can give us power as we surrender. I don’t agree with the idea that sobriety is the only thing that matters. I can be sober and still be dying inside. I need to find real healing so I can recover. Recovery is being over the past and not looking back. God can bring that but it might be after we have lapsed a few times.
We can't do it alone. so we need to participate in fellowship with other men.
To keep ourselves accountable, listen to others and share. This will help us to realize that we are not alone in this journey.
I can reach out to members of my local mens recovery group.
Believe in God that he will help me through this. Pray to God when all seems so dark.
We have surrendered to God and trust in Him to heal us.
The part that stuck out the most was the section called “We Stop”. I’m not sure I understand where it says “there can be no relief from the obsession of lust while still practicing the acts of lust in any form”, meaning, I’m trying to be successful in my recovery while trying to repair my marriage in and out of the bedroom.
So I’m not left alone with my own thoughts and being isolated.
No one yet.
Only have some boundaries in place between my wife and I.
In our surrender we can allow our higher power to guide us down the right path.
Blindness and Delusion:
Deflection, judgment, rationalization. Looking for faults in Martha to avoid facing mine, gaslighting. Using this blame to justify, rationalize my behavior. The only cure is a change of heart and surrender. The work can only begin after surrender. It's important that I seperate 12 step work and making amends, with the psychological work I need to do to address emotional dysregulation. There's two things that need to happen on my end for recovery and healing. Step work, which is accountability and amends. Behavioral training, which is changing my learnt behaviors.
Surrounding yourself with others that share the same beliefs, goals and struggles help keep you on your recovery path. These people provide guidance, accountability, and support. This fellowship can be AA, recovery church group, ect.
I need a sponsor, reaching out to people now. People i'll reach out to are wife and Ilana. I need to be mindful of communicating my recovery with Martha, I
need to respect her healing and not hurt her more.
No porn (sobriety)
Refusing to engage in arguments fueled by rage, manipulation, or blame.
Setting aside time daily to do course work.
No viewing of explicit, lustful media material.
No ruminating on negative thoughts.
Surrender is coming clean, acknowledging the problem and the hurt we caused. Letting go of control. If transparency and honesty result in a divorce that's God's will and I can't let that fear lead to manipulation. I've noticed that without total surrender I become enraged and dont have the capacity, focus to be present and do the work. I can't be mad at Martha for my actions. When I address the Emma issue with Patrick I need to do this from a place of love and be mindful of not crossing into blame. I'll pray on this one. Letting Martha dictate my relationship with our daughter is total surrender, it hurts and scares me. I also believe me not being present for Emma is damaging her.
We can be masturbating to a blank wall and still be resorting to our drug
You need someone else to surrender to
I don’t know but I’m going to find out
What are boundaries?
I don’t know
surrender lust, resentment, rage, and fear and instead go to a meeting and or call someone when the pain gets unbearable... I use lust, resentment fear and rage to cope with the pain of life.. instead feel those emotions and have someone help me cope.. get the power of God active in my life as I learn to trust the group and then over time, God. I always wanted the pain to go away when I worked recovery and was disappointed when it didn't.. it actually got worse.. but I realize that I need the group and friends and a sponsor and God to help me because now the pain is gonna be unbearable alone. embrace the pain and cling to the fellowship of the program.
I need to learn to trust others. and trust myself. I need to feel love and acceptance. empathy and understanding. I need to learn that I dont have to be independent for difficult things like this and that I can reach out for help and people will be there to help me. I can experience the power of God in my life as I work with others and see their mercy forgiveness and total acceptance. they can show me a glimpse of the character of God and that he is merciful and understanding. His love is more than what the group can give. and if the group offers love acceptance, help forgiveness, and all other things then God surely can do so and even better.
travis, Ammon, Darwin, Gavin, Jaden, Mike that jag azz, mark, Addison. maybe find a couple more.
written list, searching tv shows podcasts alone. no games. no phone in bathroom. no social media. covenant eyes on phone and computer and shared with ally. monitor halt and eat regular meals rest and call others for connection. use ssps for events like weekends. or trips. like I need an ssp for this trip coming up.
I have to want it. I have to desire sobriety. enough to make the call when triggered so I can be reminded that I am not thinking clearly.
That my recovery will come as I participate in the recovery of others. Attending meetings will help me be accountable. There are really no excuses to not attend one.
After what I experienced in my first meeting I want to continue attending those meetings. I felt accepted, I felt God’s love, and also I felt like there was no more need for me to hide something.
I don’t have a sponsor yet. I am attending a new comers meeting and I think right they will tell us more.
I don’t take my cellphone into the bathroom with me, I turned my phone off at night and give it to my wife.
As I humble my self by stopping and praying for God, I can receive of His power.
I liked how it said that it's virtually impossible to recover without the fellowship of others. I look back to when I struggled the most over the last 2 years, and it didn't happen when I was going to meetings regularly and checking in with my sponsor, I'll tell you that!
It's essential because it gives you another level of both accountability and the feeling of belonging. I want to do my best that week so when I go to my meeting, I can report that I did well. And it's so good to have men around me who know what I'm struggling with and understand completely why.
The only other person I can think of right now is my dad. I will reach out to him once or twice this upcoming week. I will also do daily check-ins with my wife at 6pm.
I don't go on apps that I know good give me access to inappropriate content. I don't use my phone when I'm alone, in bed, not next to my wife, or when I'm sad/lonely/frustrated. I don't touch myself, even absent-mindedly.
If we rely on something or someone to get us to stop, it's never going to work. But if we choose to focus all our efforts on sobriety, then the grace God has been trying to give us will become effective and help ease our burden. It takes effort. No one ever maintained sobriety by accident.
The parts that stuck out to me are how important it is to be part of a group. It even says to start your own group if there are none around you and to pray to find other sexaholics to join the group. This stuck out because of how much emphasis it puts on being part of a group.
Addiction thrives in secrecy and isolation. Being part of a recovery group removes the isolation and forces the issue into the light. Participating in the fellowship to me means that you are active and contribute to the group, which will help bring you closer to group members, which should help in your recovery.
Zac is someone who I have been having contact with.
Boundaries:
-Don’t use internet-enabled devices while lying in bed
-Don’t browse web/video while in the bathroom
-Remove internet-enabled devices from bedroom when I sleep (fully turn off tower PC)
To me this means that we take responsibility for stopping rather than on counting others to stop us. When we stop, we surrender ourselves and our wills in this matter to God, who will give us strength to keep from starting again.
I like the idea of having the different models layed out so that I can tell, just from the scenery, what space I am in. It's hard to tell sometimes if I am doing well or not.
Because connection is the opposite of addiction and participating with other people makes things more relevant.
Grant, Adam and Landon
No phone in the bathroom, no linkedin of FB on my phone
It means we have to stop first and surrender our will and our expected outcomes THEN the power of God can help us.
That there could be no true recovery from addiction if we allow it to persist in any area, whether in our thinking or acting out. Even though I stopped acting out, there are times when I still think about it. I have lived with this addiction for so long that it is hard not to think about it from time to time.
It helps me surrender things that I may be holding in. Talking about my addiction to others who have been through a similar situation helps me understand myself better. Also listening to others talk about their personal issues and connecting with them, knowing exactly what they are talking about and knowing I'm not the only one going through the same situation.
Other members in my Thursday night SA group. My goal is to contact at least 5 people each week
Spend less time on social media, put away my phone whenever I am left alone at home, not watch provocative TV Shows/Movies, skip any provocative podcasts, stay away from places that may trigger me to relapse.
When I was powerless over my addiction, the devil played a bigger role then God did and it wasn't until I decided to surrender my powerlessness over my addiction and turn myself over to God, that he truly has effected me in a positive way.
lasting recovery doesn't work without connection with others - and those connections begin from attending meetings.
I recall two months ago when I confessed to my wife and went seeking an SA meeting that was listed as current in my city. I showed up, on time, but didn't know where the entrance was. Found a motorcycle club meeting, in teh same place but for a different purpose, and was told there are no other meetings here,. I went to my car and cried, achingly alone and desperate for connection with someone who knew what I was dealing with. I found the meeting later (other side of the building) but that experience reminded me how much I need others to truly get started in what i'm doing.
I'm making lists of men I can call from the various meetings I'm attending
Working on this soon with my sponsor
Clearly i'm unable to manage my way out of a paperbag - so, when in the moment, when the lust dragon rears it's head, I stop and call upon God to take it over, to give Him the urge, and let it work through Him
I know I need to attend a group and talk with others because I have always lived in isolation which has definitely fed my addiction.
It helps you stay sober. It feels good to share. You can use the strength of others when you are struggling.
I will reach out to Al and arrange a phone call.
Deleted apps and websites used to act out. Started the 40 days focus workbook.
This is the part I don't totally understand. I don't feel very spiritual or connected with god.
The part talking about surrendering stuck with me the most. I've decided to take that first step and surrender myself and my addiction.
I think having that support system is essential in succeeding in recovery.
I don't have a sponsor yet but there have been a couple guys in the group that I've been able to reach out to, as well as my wife.
My wife and I have discussed boundaries recently. we haven't set anything in place yet just discussed.
I don't fully understand it, but I'm going to keep reading and hopefully it will make sense.
Me llegó que sin participación activa en grupos con otros sexólicos en recuperación es imposible recuperarse. Las reuniones las llamadas son fundamentales.También me llamó la atención que decidir parar es mi decisión y que luego por medio de la rendición, dios hace posible que no vuelva a consumir.
En la soledad no puedo conectar con los demás, estoy ensimismado en mis problemas, encerrado en mi mente. Sin participar no hay acción, no hay compromiso, no hay servicio, no hay liberación de la autoobsesión.
Tengo un compañero de rendición pero debería buscar otros padrinos a los que les pueda hablar una vez por semana al menos para contarles como va mi recuperación.
Comer compulsivamente, jugar juegos de computadora, mirar series, utilizar herramientas de inteligencia artificial.
Me hace pensar que la decisión de parar es mia, yo tengo que dar el primer paso y eso es aceptar mi paso cero. Luego de parar y de hacer mi parte, Dios puede ayudarme a dejar de consumir y a comenzar mi recuperación.
On page 63, the discussion on meeting regularly with other members, even starting a group in your area where non currently exists, was interesting. I find myself in that situation, and I attend a meeting multiple states away virtually. However, I think long distance meetings make it more difficult to be accountable, which leads to relapses.
As the book says, to "stop living only and always inside our own heads." It also provides us with people we can reach out to in cases where we are about to relapse and need to tell someone.
No idea. I can try reaching out to someone I met from the program already, or perhaps my church leader.
Officially, none. I do have a content blocker on my computer, and I suppose I can put one back on my phone my wife has helped me with in the past.
As the book says, "We had it backwards; before, we always wanted the therapist, spouse, or God to do the stopping for us - to fix us. Now, WE stop; and THEN, in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us."
This statement seems to indicate that God does nothing to help us against our own will. If we want help from Him, we need to take a step to show that we want his help, if we want it to be lasting. This is difficult though because I sometimes feel like I'm guessing at what that step is.
we stop feeding lust - this is hard to do
to get out of my head and help others
other people from meetings in recovery
no social media without supervision in front of others
we surrender when tempted
A fact they've seen: No one seems to be able to stay sober and progress in recovery without associating in some way with other recovering individuals. The SAL 12-step meetings are a way to connect with them. We’ve found we cannot do it alone.
Connection with other brothers is so critical. Without regular fellowship, there seems to be no recovery.
Commit yourself to your group and to attending and fellowshipping with those brothers - and be on time.
Stop feeding 1) lust, 2) resentment, 3) anger, and 4)selfishness. Stop acting out in any form.
This program doesn't show us how to stop. It shows us how to not start again - surrender to God, and receive God's power.
Addiction thrives in secrecy, in the dark. By participating in the fellowship, we bring our true selves to the light, and share and are not met with judgement and shame. We can be vulnerable to share those things that have been suppressed into dark corners, and when they are brought into the light, they lose their power.
I have felt how important connection has been for me in recovery.
In addition to my sponsor, Rich N, I've been reaching out to other brothers in SAL: Al D, Travis B, Andrew S, Tyler C, Zakk, Lee S, Gavin, and others. I am grateful for the network of SAL brothers with whom I am able to connect.
Well, bummer... the link that says to click to read about boundaries is broken. I have not put into place boundaries with my sponsor.
I've had boundaries at times in my recovery journey, but I haven't really adhered to a dedicated written out set of boundaries for some time now.
I think some good boundaries would be like:
Put my phone away when it's time for bed, and only use it for scriptures or answering texts, when it's late at night, if even that.
Keep my phone outside of the bathroom / toilet area.
Browse the web only for specific searches - no doom scrolling.
Start and end each day with prayer to my Heavenly Father.
Surrender to God immediately when I feel triggered with lust, fear, resentment, selfishness.
As we freely give up (surrender) desires to turn our hearts toward lust, resentement, selfishness, fear, to God, He gives us power, grace, to stay connected to Him.
Controls on phones, 6 mtgs a week, surrender as needed throughout the day, control my exposure to media, no social media.
I commit to stop the madness of sex addiction, daily routines, boundaries are in place, The power of God comes are I surrender to his will daily.
