I needed this reading today. The only way to Stop is to recognize the behaviors. Any part of acting out, pre-occupation and ritualization are just a millimeter away from acting out. Once we act out, the shame is so immense. No one is going to stop for us. God, Family, No One. Only I can stop, then surrender, then you will feel the power of God in your life.
I love going to meetings. There are people who know how I think and know how incredibly hard this is. I am not alone. They comfort me in their stories, I don't judge them and they don't judge me. There is true connection with them.
Jake, Jozie, Jordan, Derrick, Jay, John, and lots of my SA and DS Brothers. I love everyone in my group.
Green, Yellow, Red.....My Outer Circles, my Medium Circle, and my Inner Circle. No Cruising, No Scanning, No Conversations with Opposite Sex unless a specific reason and intention.
This was the sentence that hit me the hardest today. Its up to me. No one is going to do it. I have to take the leap of faith and trust fall into His arms. I have to choose....scary as it is, surrender, and wait for Him to catch me
The importance of fellowship was emphasized a lot. Lately, I've become more aware how God works through others, individuals or programs, to reach me. I have to accept God in the guise of the imperfect sexaholic on a phone call or the imperfect recovery organization that, though crude and imperfect, becomes a channel of the God connection for me.
I think it works as a catalyst or a metaphor of my submission to God. As the White Book says, there's no such thing as surrender in the abstract. It has to be connected to something tangible. The fellowship is one tangible form of my submission and willingness to actually work recovery. This isn't a mental/intellectual ordeal. For some reason, in this physical realm my actions, in order to gain spiritual consequence, are most effective when associated with tangibles like words, rituals, actions, fellowship, calls, inventories, etc.
At first, I thought I could work an intellectual program but I've learned that it is not so.
I regularly reach out to people from group. I get at least one call in most days.
I have decided not to play chess online—that one shares the compulsive element of my addiction and has led to justifying lust-browsing since it categorically relates to my compulsivity. I have generally decided at work to stay off of YouTube and other video-hosting platforms. I already rarely ever go on social media but I don't have that as an explicit boundary. My usage of social media, scarce as it is, hasn't posed any problems or led to acting out. Browsing is the big culprit. Giving myself liberty to scroll through pictures or videos often leads to feeding lust.
I have to recognize that portion of my experience that I can control mentioned in the serenity prayer. I can stop and lay down my instruments of lust. I can choose to sacrifice my usage of media, my privileges that have led to lust such as browsing through videos or images liberally. I can lay those privileges down and then God can rid me of the obsession and diseased thinking.
The critical nature of attending group. connecting with others to get out of my head, and using that also a form of service
to get out of my head, to serve through participation, to get strength and hope through other's stories
My spouse, other members of the group, I will pray and ask to help the one who is still sick.
none, so I will start by saying no tv if I am alone, no facebook if I am alone, pray when out and about, not go places I know will be triggering.
That I make the choice to stop, but at that point I let go of doing it my way, and let God be at the helm of my life. That I give up trying to fix it my way which I know if a failure, and I give it back to God, so that recovery becomes a guarantee, rather than a guaranteed failure,
The part about starting sobriety on a full stomach really got to me. I realized for the first time that the door I walked through came from a point of binging. I had had “enough” in every sense of the word. It made me pause, especially in the context of the chapters warnings about future challenges. I think it impressed on me the terrible need to surrender. What I have tried before is not sufficient. I need to stop doing things my way—it doesn’t work. I need to trust others who are on the path to sobriety.
I have become more isolated in my personal space. At work, I am outgoing, like to be with people, and have “work friends.” I live a different life at home. Either as a result of my addiction or growing along with it, my isolation has become soul-sapping. I’m distant from my wife. I love my kids but also don’t connect with them in the ways they most need it. I have few close friends. In my isolation, I have gotten sicker and see participating in the fellowship as a radical change in my life’s direction. Without this sort of change, I do not believe I will be able to have lasting sobriety.
I am going to start going to another meeting, making two per week. At the other meeting apart from my church, I hear there is a good network of people I can open up to. I plan to reach out to someone every day.
I haven’t done this yet, but I need to. I think I need to learn more about the “ritualization” written about in the White Book. I know that I had certain patterns of acting out including locations and times of day. Perhaps putting boundaries in place at those times can be hedges against temptation.
Before, I begged repeatedly for God to wrench out of me this terrible curse. I wanted him to make me change in a sort of passive-aggressive act. Now, I give up my sin. I choose to stop—stop the behavior but also stop fighting with myself and doing things my way. I give up. I choose to trust him and trust that he works through others to lead me out of the pit. I choose to accept my way as insufficient or even harmful. By surrendering my will to his, I can finally be free for him to work his miracle in my soul.
I think it's awesome to hear about the people who've traveled more than a hundred miles to meet with others. Those people truly understand the importance and power of fellowshipping with others going through the same thing. I like the emphasis put on the participation in these groups. "The fellowship of sobriety is where the action is, where the magic is, where the feeling of identification is, where the real connection is". I believe in the power of fellowship in this program. It's a crucial step and I can feel the difference.
Exposing my addiction to my wife in the first place gave me more strength to abstain than I have ever experienced in my life. Keeping things to myself was my undeniable downfall. I came to a realization that I cannot overcome this on my own. I spent nearly 20 years thinking that I could, but I can't. I felt even more strength to stay sober as I started to attend meetings. the spirit in the room, the camaraderie and brotherhood, the connection with those who truly understand what I'm going through and who are wanting to fight as hard as I do. It helps me be vulnerable and expose my addiction and character flaws, which I've found helps me be more in control of sobriety. It also helps with accountability when coupled with a sponsor. I believe accountability and honesty are essential to overcoming this addiction
I'm committed to reach out to a different member of the group every day of the week. In the conversation I want to surrender something, then to say something I'm grateful for then to check in on how they're doing so they have the opportunity to do the same. It's a challenge my sponsor gave me and it's something that gives me anxiety, but I know I need to break out of the introvert in me and I'm up for the challenge. I know it'll help strengthen the sense of brotherhood in our group and will also help me feel more comfortable reaching out to someone and be truly vulnerable in real times of need.
I pray every day that I'll be blest with eyes to see women as God sees them, as his daughters, as special spirits, and to not objectify them by lingering on their appearance and giving place for lust in my head. I focus on looking at the faces of women to help in this effort. I'm planning on researching ways to break out of the habit of objectifying women that I've gotten myself into. God is my main support in my progressive victory over lust.
In the scriptures we read all over the place where God grants power to overcome difficulties and challenges to those who humble themselves before him and ask for help. I've experienced the strength and power beyond my own in my sobriety so far as I've surrendered and acknowledged that I'm powerless in trying to kick this on my own. As I've prayed in humility for help I've been given strength from God to succeed, albeit in small degrees, in my recovery efforts.
Being a part of the fellowship is something very important to all members. Many an addict suffers from isolation, fear of being known or fear of fellowship. This is where addiction lives and breathes. To start to get out of that dark place, I have to come out into the light and start to converse with others. This is where growth, surrender and ability to stop starts.
It's where I start to break out of isolation, fear and start to gain confidence that the program will actually work for me.
I am committed to working with my sponsee and other group members alike. Would ideally like to get more of the group involved in consistent dialogue.
When I am triggered, I will surrender to God and others, and write it down if need be.
When I am alone, I will not get on sports articles.
When I am on the internet, I will make sure others are around.
When I am watching something on TV or a movie, I will make sure others are around.
When my wife is triggered, I will make it about her and not about me- show up with her and sit in her pain with her.
Acting out is a choice. I am powerful. I simply have to make the choice to start to put boundaries and bottoms lines in place in order to not put myself in a situation where I could fall to the addiction.
"I can be masturbating to the image of a blank wall and I'm still resorting to my drug"
Getting started means eliminating lust in all of its forms.
The program doesn't tell us how to stop, it shows us how to keep from starting again.
To get out the thoughts and feelings that dominate the inside. Bringing them to the light cuts them down to size. It facilitates honesty within yourself to have to say it out loud. Hearing others stories motivates and provides safety.
My spouse, relay group, group me, others in the program.
Personal: Don't be alone without a plan, open communication and open phones, limited use of social media, regular exercise and sleep
Relational: Resolve relationship conflict or have a communicated plan when issues arise (Don't be alone without a plan while distressed), daily check-ins and open and honest communication
Social- must attend group at least once a week, avoiding social situations that would lead to relapse (Vegas Clubs and Shows)
Behavioral- avoiding unnecessary contact with Carly, making it awkward and communicating my boundaries with my wife
We have to stop our actions and surrender the future and the situation and the power to God. His will must be done and ours must be surrendered to him. I chose to follow God and do as he would want me to do and not what I want to do. Letting his power be in my life to support those actions and decisions.
The power of God becomes effective in our surrender, not before. I need to surrender. Also, the power of the group. Getting outside of myself. I have been self absorbed and continue to be. I need to get rid of all forms of lust. I seem to want to hold onto lusting after my wife.
To get outside of myself and commit. Helping others and being able to relate to them will help me get outside of myself and learn to empathize.
My accountability partner daily. Anyone else that God puts in my head to reach out to.
I will not browse Facebook mindlessly late at night. I will not look at pornography at all. If it pops up, I will surrender it.
I need to develop power and commitment to stop. This is on me. As I do that, I can gain the trust of God and He can direct me. It is not up to Him to do this for me.
Honesty and Humility are difficult for an addict but through them, I can find a way out of my self-obsession and into the opportunity to see my addictive behavior is driven a false sense of Pride, Hardheartedness, Unaccountability, and Dishonesty.
Their stories really impacted how I see long term recovery and endless possibilities that otherwise I would have never been able to grasp.
Honesty, Humility, Open-mindedness and most of all Willingness to admit I am powerless over this addiction and need help in recovery.
God, My Wife, and the fellowship of brothers i have at SAL meetings.
I have voluntarily put Covenant Eyes on ALL my Devices. I daily Pray the Third Step Prayers ad Serenity Prayer. I read a Chapter a Day out of the Big Book. I daily text or call my Sponsor and Sunday Night Brothers in Recovery. I will now add to this list to look at these models and ask myself where am I?
By stopping we allow God's grace to redirect our thinking our emotions and are progress away from destructive behaviors and Wait for Direction, Wisdom, and Strength in others to help us walk from Darkness into the Light of Christ.
The part that stuck out to me was the part that said we wanted others to save us, but in recovery, when we stop acting out, then the power of God begins inside us to change us.
It really shows the importance of work, bottom lines, and turning our lives over to God and trusting that He will work a mighty change in us.
Because I know I can't do it alone. Because I have tried to do it alone for forty years. I know I need others support and understanding of where I am to help me rely on God and trust in him.
Al in the program, and other friends I have made in the program.
not allowing myself to feel sorry for myself, not going into victim mode. Not staying after work alone. No going to stores looking for movies or magazines. No watching tv alone, no staying up late, no sleeping in and skipping step work, no excuses for skipping meetings, stepwork or checking in.
That we can't expect a miracle of change while still acting out. And that once we stop acting out and surrender our addiction, then God will change us and heal me and fill the need I feel in my heart.
What’s stuck out to me today with the importance of getting out of my own head?
By participating with fellowship program allows me to share my experiences and to learn from others experiences
I’m going to commit to make three phone calls this week
The only boundary I have at the moment is to not look twice
The only way I can stop lusting is turning my wheel over to God
That it is through fellowship and surrender that we can begin to heal and maintain sobriety and recovery.
It is essential because addiction is so isolating and you get lost inside yourself. In order to truly be free you need fellowship to come out of yourself and be a part of a group.
SAL group members.
No YouTube or private browsing.
We stop and then in order to keep from starting again we must surrender and as we do that is when the power of God becomes effective in us and allows us to become more than we are on our own.
Should attend meetings
Not sure I think it is essential
I am committed to reaching out to my brother
No internet without my spouse watching
No phone in the bathroom
We have to put forth effort in order to receive God’s help
The importance of attending weekly meetings and being consistent. I have done a reasonably good job thus far maintaining my sobriety and there is definitely a part of me that is telling myself that I am too busy and I don't need to go to those each week.
Being involved makes you feel like you are part of the group, that you are needed, that you belong.
Shelby, Rick, Matson
Blocker on phone, 100% honesty, weekly meetings, daily check-ins.
That I make the initial commitment to change and start acting on that commitment. As I acknowledge my shortcomings, powerlessness, need for help, that humility allows for the power of God to be effective.
Yes - I need to get out of myself
Chris R., Lincoln A., Max, Alan D., Mike N., Justin B., Jonathan L., Jacob M., Greg M., John H., Mikal, Josh D., Brady W., Ryan L., Chris S, Harvey, Irvin S., Nikita
This is something I need to explore and add to - my mind is drawing a blank
I give up the craving. I acknowledge it, don’t feed it or give into it, I surrender it. I ask God to take it from and and then I call someone to get it out of my head.
Breaking the cycle. Realizing where I am at in the addiction cycle and deciding what I’m going to do differently to change the outcome.
I think it’s important because you can talk to others who are going through the same thing. It gives you a chance to surrender anything you might need to and get advice.
I reach out to other SAL members in my meetings.
I have deleted all social media, I do not look at tempting images or videos, and I keep myself busy.
I realize where I am in my addictive cycle and then I stop and surrender what I’m thinking and try to ask God to give me something to do differently so that I do not act out, but I break the cycle.
In Dr. Bob's nightmare, he was struck by his "sponsor" being the first human that ever spoke to him from a place of having walked in his shoes.
Regarding giving back, he says that each time he does it he takes out a little more insurance for himself against ever having a slip.
the writers of the white book say "experience has shown us that we must be part of others or we cannot maintain effective surrender" and "without regular participation in fellowship there seems to be no recovery." I trust the experience of these recovered addicts with years of experience. I will follow their lead.
They also talk about how when we keep things inside our head, that's when we have always failed, but disclosing it to another program member gets it out into the light and it doesn't have as much power over us.
I will try to make a contact every day to someone from the phone list
- no devices that do not have an accountability software or some kind of safe measure
- no being the last person up at work
- no being alone and surfing the internet
- no social media
- no movies or shows with any nudity
The way to resist an urge, craving, or temptation is NOT to try fight it, as we have done before. The way to overcome is the SURRENDER to God. Just stop and surrender.
"We cannot put this strongly enough: Experience has shown us that we must be part of others or we cannot maintain effective surrender, see ourselves rightly, or work the Steps. Without regular participation in the fellowship, there seems to be no recovery."
Why? See answer below.
My therapist has told me that the opposite of addiction is connection. We must participate with others in order to build connection outside of ourselves.
I call my mom after group on Monday, my older brother after group on Wednesday, and I message at least 3 group members during the week (it's one of my weekly goals).
- No screens in the bathroom (no phone, etc)
- No social media (Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, etc) or TV/movies on my own. (All of those sites are blocked on my phone).
- No screen games on my own. (I'm not doing any right now)
- If I ever break sobriety, then I must tell my spouse, sponsor, and Bishop within 12 hours.
I'd love ideas for others, but these were the ones that used to trigger me.
Positive boundaries:
- Read scriptures and pray daily
- Go to the temple weekly (unless truly unable)
- Work on weekly recovery goals
As I stop acting out on the addiction and start sobriety, God, through his infinite grace helps provide protection and help through the act of surrender. I do all I can to exercise my agency in that direction and then surrender the rest to Him.
“We stop living inside our heads” that’s a very prevalent occurrence for me currently, where I feel like my addict self, lives and reigns and drifts to thoughts of life giving into the addiction and all the fake enjoyment that would bring
To continue to stay open, humble, and outside of myself. It’s dedicated time for me to be open with others and stay out of the dark. And gaining more contacts to be able to communicate with daily.
I will participate in online meeting before end of week and gain a contact there that I can reach out to.
Would like to chat more on this on a call
Right now, no Facebook
In that truly letting go, it’s a spiritual event and ability. Its pure humility to God, and in that true surrender, from His Power, I can feel peace, and have mental/physical triggers removed.
I have been delaying getting a sponsor because i want the "perfect sponsor for me" and so i've been choosing not to reach out. I know I need to just follow all leads that come my way and I can change later if things aren't working out as well as I hope.. I liked what it said about how we must participate in the fellowship in order to maintain effective surrender and see ourself rightly. I am so good at convincing myself that I don't want to live in recovery anymore and that I want to go back to my addiction. even though I know that is not true. in moments of weakness If I dont reach out to the fellowship or my sponsor, I will convince myself and fall.
what I said before and that It is crucial that I get outside myself. I have to get outside of living in my own head and in my own resentments
I need to choose a sponsor. I am going to reach out to Tyler from SAL
I am going to text bishop Curtis every night
I am going to text Caleb reporting about my 100 push ups.
I am going to reach out to ammon when I need to surrender lust or a desire to slip up
This is something I need to do:
1. lock up electronics at night
2. No electronics in the bathroom or bedroom
3. Wake up when my alarm goes off. no snoozing, No sleeping in.
4. Go to bed at or before 11pm (if staying up later, must be a reason and shared with sponsor or wife)
5. text Ammon when I am feeling a lust trigger
6. attend SAL meetings 3x a week while out in south Dakota Sunday, Wednesday Friday
7.
God cant cant take away our agency so we have to be willing
How important connection is to my recovery. It's pretty easy for me to justify that I don't need the be talking with ppl when I have nothing to share, but there will always be something as I am more introspective of myself that day whether bad or good.
It helps me to take inventory of myself and listen to others successes or failures and learn from their experience
Others in group.
3 second rule is most important for me. Surrender immediately to God whatever lust I may feel. No phone in bathroom
It literally means that as I surrender my lust and other character defects, I open the door to God's power to work in my life.
Nothing yet, my partner has instituted boundaries such as we will be abstinent until marriage, which we were not before I confessed to my PA (no resentment there, I understand the reasoning and agree that it is best for our recovery. “Progressive victory over lust” was not mentioned in the reading yet unless I missed it in the audio recording.
We stop out acting out as best we can and let God do the healing when we surrender the burden of our addiction to Him.
That some people travel hundreds of miles to meet with others for an SA meeting, that is not something I think I would be willing to do.
If you are not in person, it is easier to “hide behind the screen”. Connection also seems to be a very large part of the program and meeting in person would facilitate that need.
I do not have a “sponsor” at this time and have not brought my issue up to anyone other than my partner.
first we stop, because we've gotten good at stopping, then we use god and the group to help us not get sucked back in.
we cannot be free of lust while practicing any form of lust.
accountability, connection, hope through others successes, freeing ourselves through getting our story out of our own head and into the world, letting go of it.
bishop, friends, family
filters on phone and electronics, rules of engagement (when to say no), and study guidelines for spiritual strenght.
when we show that we are willing to stop and want to stop then we can have power to feel god and his strength because we want it, through action-this is faith.
I can't do it alone. I need the fellowship. I have to stop all of the actions. not just some.
I need people to call and people to relate too and surrender to.
my wife and other members of the group.
don't scroll and waste time on facebook and instagram and youtube. I need to make a much more detailed boundaries list and have it readily available.
It means there is a power in surrender that comes from God and when we reach out, God strengthens us.
