The emphasis on getting our of ourselves - connecting with others through meetings and how important that is to recovery.
This is what allows us to open up and seek and accept help and encouragement from others. Just having an ability to tell someone about a struggle helps "cut them down to size".
My sponsees.
I have boundaries described on a sheet posted in my closet, and pasted into my planner and journal. Screen boundaries are:
1. Computer - no news, entertainment, twitter or social media, or sports sites in office or alone in the house.
2. Phone - no news, entertainment, twitter or social media, or sports sites in office or alone in the house - daily minute restriction of 15 minutes for these categories.
3. TV - No TV alone except live events (sports, religious, political).
Learning the power of surrender was the secret to stopping. When triggers and temptations arise, it's something I must actively do - I must in my mind repeat words in my mind, acknowledging to GOD what I'm feeling, search why I'm feeling that way, acknowledge that what I'm tempted to do is something I desire to help that feeling (boredom, frustration, anger, anxiety, etc.) go away, and that I am surrending to God my life and will to him, that I know he doesn't want me to act out in the manner I'm tempted to do, and therefore I surrender to him the desire and temptation to act out and ask him to take it. I must actively think this through - or discuss it with another person - for the surrender to be effective.
Forgetting myself because it reminds me to not hide things
Serve others, learn from others, grow and bro f things to light.
Dan and Russ
As an addict, I need to cultivate humility.
I tried literally thousands of times to get better on my own. It doesn't work. Also, I can help my fellow addicts on their journey.
I don't know.
To occupy my time with positive things so there is less opportunity to get bored, which is a major trigger for me.
Quit trying to do it on my own. Surrener is the key.
the need to just get out and do something and get things out in the open. Also the need to meeting with others to confirm I am not alone.
It helps me feel better knowing i am not the only one who struggles with my addiction. It is also helpful to hear others who are farther along in their recovery journey and help encourage me that I could also make it further in my recovery. Also, to see others feeling happiness really is encouraging because that is where I want to be.
I am committed to checking in with my wife each day.
spend a half an hour with the Lord and working on my recovery, share with my wife my accountability each day, not use any electronic device that is not monitored or that my wife has access to.
If i stop and turn to God with efforts of recovery and a desire to draw closer to him, He will provide His strengthening grace to help my small efforts to be magnified.
In my surrender, the power of God becomes effective in me. I have to get out of the way and I have to let God do His thing and guide me and live my life according to God's will and not my own.
Open up to others and see who I am. Self-disclosure that is needed. Be open and honest.
Alison, Tom, Brandon W., Nikitas
4 circle plan, if I get out of my circle I must tell a sponsor immediately and tell Alison within 12 hours. Truple. All passwords on sheet for access for work phone, work computer, home computer. No television, no inappropriate music or podcasts, etc.
Once I get out of the way and I am not in control, God will take over and will guide me and lead me to where and who I need to be. I also must surrender to Alison and be her love slave.
I like how it says that without regular participation in fellowship there seems to be no recovery. I have seen this to be true in my life and need to make sure that I am constantly involved in fellowship to experience recovery.
i think the connection we get from attending meetings and fellowship is the connection we look for in lust. When I get out of my head it is easier to see patterns and learn from other peoples experiences.
I will make calls to other sa members like noah and brady as I feel triggered and want to surrendur.
Doing step work every single day and reaching out while feeling triggered is all I have set up right now.
When i stop resorting to lust and surrender, I new power comes to me through God. A power that can only come to me through stopping and surrenduring.
It stresses the idea that we can't recover alone.
It gets me out of my own head and in a group that helps as supports.
I don't have any connections at the moment, not even a sponsor.
None yet. I need to look at doing this.
We can't do it without God. I'm a little confused about the "now, we stop" part. That's the issue I am having trouble with. How do I stop and then receive the power of God. I thought it was His power that would enable me to stop. Perhaps it is talking about a willingness or desire to stop and a commitment to working on it? And with God's help we can "stay stopped"?
Just the way my acting out affected other people
Yes, I’ve seen it first hand in the AA.
Other men in the group
Nothing yet
Meeting God halfway
Just showing up to meetings, even if I didn’t want to, but then getting outside myself
Getting to know others so amazing knowing I’m not alone sharing the
Steve Grant somebody
No phone in my bathroom stay off my phone unless I need something account for everything
Give it to God with him I can stay sober. I can stay in recovery. I won’t start again.
I like the part that says the program doesn’t tell us how to stop. It says now we stop, and then in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us. The reason I like this is because I have looked at recovery as God stopping me from acting out. It’s my job to stop and when I let it go, God helps me Not start again. It’s my decision to let it go.
I think it’s essential to participate in the program because without that participation I grow complacent. I don’t have consistent work in my life to recover. Without the fellowship, I tried to do it alone and I don’t include others or God. I know that I am powerless by myself so if I don’t participate in the fellowship, then I am trying to do it alone again.
I want to text a couple of the guys in the group this week. I’m not sure if I want to call to be honest.
1. Seeking out in viewing pornography in anyway.
2. Masturbating.
3. Orgasm in sex with self.
I like the part that says the program doesn’t tell us how to stop. It says now we stop, and then in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us. The reason I like this is because I have looked at recovery as God stopping me from acting out. It’s my job to stop and when I let it go, God helps me Not start again. It’s my decision to let it go.
Several parts of the reading stuck out to me: "Instead of, 'I've got to have it, or I'll die!' our attitude becomes, 'I give up; I'm willing not to have it, even if I do die.'" and "we don't resort to our drug--one day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. And the craving passes!"
Both of these examples were extremely relatable to me as I have thought these thoughts, specifically with the feeling that I'll die if I don't satisfy the craving, with my struggles. Also, the thought "one minute at a time" in my other short-lived spells of thinking I was free of my addiction because I got complacent.
I think it is essential to work to participate in the fellowship of the program because even as I have seen in these readings that the thoughts are so relatable and that the sponsors who offer support have gained sobriety by working with Step 0, so it ought to be able to work for me too.
I am committed to reach out to my fiancée because I promised her that I would not keep this a secret from her as relationships die in secrecy.
I have removed all social media apps from my phone, and I mainly use my computer only at school unless I need to be at home for a certain assignment.
We surrender our cravings as we will not die without them even if it feels like it. Then God can help us as we have worked to free ourselves without thinking someone else would do it for us.
I am so grateful that I live in an are and time where recovery and 12 step groups are available to me. I have so many meetings that I could go to (both in person and online). The fact that i don't live in an area where there is no in person meetings is such a blessing to me. It would be so much more difficult to start an in person group on my own. I a so grateful for those men before me who started this program and who have made these tools and resources available to me. I am also so fortunate to live in a time where we have the technology to connect and meet with others across the country. Connection and brotherhood have been so important to my personal recovery and journey. I know that the more I invest in the meetings, the more I gain from them. I have really enjoyed being in different key 3's and having multiple opportunities to moderate the groups I attend. It does make a difference to be really involved as opposed to just showing up. Effort is a huge component of recovery and I am so grateful that I have the tools and resources I need to put forth effort.
I need to have "skin in the game" to really succeed. As I have actively participated in the meetings and in connecting with other men, I have seen miracles in my life and recovery. I was never good at connecting. Growing up and throughout most of my life I struggled to get outside myself and let others in. Recovery has taught me that I need connection with others, and more importantly, I need connection with other men in recovery to live a life of recovery and healthy sobriety. As I make calls, reach out to others, surrender, build friendships, sponsor, serve in group leadership roles, work the steps, and walk the path of recovery, I am participating in the fellowship of the program. Without these things, I am not in recovery.
I text my accountability group (Isaac, Guy and James) every Sunday and give them a quick update at how I'm doing and where I am with my sobriety. I also have regular discussion with Lily. While we no longer have nightly trust discussions, we have gotten to the point where we can discuss whatever we need to whenever we need it. I am also understanding that I want to involve Lily more in my work of recovery. I want her to feel safe and I know that me actively working my own recovery can help provide that. I also have committed to attend at least one meeting each and every week. For more than 2 years, I have regularly attended an in-person meeting Friday mornings at 6:30a as well as an online meeting every Saturday morning at 7:30a. After a year, I thought I would cut back to just one meeting a week, but I have found that I love attending and connecting with the men in both groups so much that I want to continue attending both.
I do not use my phone in the bathroom. I do not participate in social media (complete fast from all social media). I do not passively surf the internet (only use with a specific purpose). I do not passively surf TV channels (only watch something purposefully). I do not go more than 24 hours before telling Lily of any slip or relapse. I will work my individual recovery actively each day (except Sunday). Ways to actively work my recovery include: reading in my recovery books, working the online curriculum, active step work, connecting with men in recovery (via text, phone call, lunch, etc.). The point is to do something each day. Spend at least one day a week working the online curriculum.
It's all about turning my will over to God. Surrendering all the good and all the bad of me completely to God. When I really do this, I feel His love and His power. When I feel connected to God, I feel my value, worth and potential. This is when I am able to really connect with others. It's been a new idea for me that in order to improve my connection and relationship with someone else, instead of focusing on that specific relationship, I need to focus on my relationship with God. It seems counterintuitive to do that, but in reality, that makes the difference because when I am solid and connected with God, and He is at my center, I am only then at a point where I can connect genuinely with someone else.
Two things stuck out to me about our reading today:
1. We can't be sober in one area while still acting out in another. We have to stop feeding lust and practice sobriety. We need to get rid of all materials and triggers that we are able to get rid of. Now we STOP; and then, in our surrender, the power of GOD becomes effective in us. This is so important as step 0.
2. We have to participate in the fellowship of the program. We cannot continue with lasting recovery without being actively involved in a 12-step meeting. Recovery teaches us that addiction is isolation and recovery is connection. The meetings help us start to realize this and to connect with other brothers who feel similarly.
As I was saying in the last answer, addiction is isolation and recovery is connection. In the 12-steps we realize that we our lives have become unmanageable, that we are powerless in ourselves to recover and overcome these addictions, and that only through surrender to a higher power can we start to heal and recover. This is how we start to connect with God. We also need to connect with others who have similar desires to us so that we can all strengthen each other. My weekly meetings are uplifting and bring me closer to understanding myself, my addition, and my God.
I have been reaching out to my sponsor every other day. My goal is daily but probably doing it on an every other day basis. I have also plan to reach out to 2 or 3 other brothers this week. I have found it awkward to reach out to others but have also found the times that I have spoken with them very uplifting and helpful. Recovery is connection.
1. Avoid pornography in all its forms.
2. When I am in my home office, the door needs to be kept open at all times unless I have specifically talked to my wife about why it needs shut.
3. Let my wife know where I am going and when I am headed home. She can also track me on Life 360 and call if she wants to check in with me.
4. Let me wife know if I am downloading any apps and what it is.
5. Be deliberate with social media. No wasting time watching reels or mindlessly looking at social media.
I am trying to understand this better. We have to stop. We have to start sobriety. We have to make an effort. In reality that effort is I cannot do this along. I will stop. I then need to surrender to you and need God to do the rest. However, as soon as we do that, we can lay claim to God's power and help in effectively surrendering our addictions and faults.
Attend meetings on time; the importance of participating in the fellowship and sharing my story with others; vulnerability. Connection, be a part of others’ recoveries. “We stop relishing the language of lust, resentment, and rage.” I want to work on avoiding profanity, and surrendering when I feel rage towards my parents or others. Gratitude is an antidote to rage and lust. I want to get out of my own head, out of myself and get connected to others. Participating in the fellowship helps me to feel a part of.
Vulnerability, being willing to share and connect with others helps me see I am not alone. Participation and communion with others is part of healing.
I am committed to daily calls with SAL members other than my sponsor. I have many brothers I can reach out to. I find joy in connecting with others in the fellowship.
I have dailies: exercise, step work, make a call, attend a meeting, journal in the evening. My boundaries are:
- avoid using my phone while in the bathroom. But I can play General Conference from it or be listening to audio.
- Avoid looking up anything online unless it is for school, work, or church, or other important task and is necessary.
- Make a call and talk to someone or leave a voicemail if I feel tempted to act out.
- Prioritize my dailies before completing other tasks. That means exercising and step work in the morning before school, piano, or other tasks.
- Don’t text ex-girlfriends without first talking to my sponsor and others in the program. Don’t text or talk to women with the purpose of intriguing, getting them to like me, or trying to develop a romantic relationship. If I receive a text that I am unsure about responding to, talk to my sponsor before responding. If I find myself having a conversation with a woman and wanting to flirt, fantasize, or get them to be attracted to me, surrender and talk to someone in the program about it.
My job is to stop, and then trust God’s power to work in me to help me stay stopped.
The "We Stop" paragraph had the greatest impact on me. I cannot indulge (act out) in any area of my addiction. It is 100% sobriety or nothing.
You don't feel alone. There is strength in numbers when you share your story with other and you hear theirs. You lose fear and are ablle to reach out to others and get help and discuss the challenges/tempations you face.
I need to develop contacts from my local group that I will reengage with on 1/5.
I do not look at porn or racy type pictures or material in any form. That includes advertisements that may be inappropriate. My biggest problem is my lustful thought life. I give in the lustful thoughts and engage them with fantasy periodically but I cannot do that because that is feeding lust. One time to too many.
I cannot blame others for my lack acting out. I must take fulll accountability and responsibiltiy. No one can tell me to stop, I must make the decision and am solely responsible for stopping, it is then that God's power can become effective in me. I must STOP, not be willing to stop but actually stop Lust in all in forms and manifestations in my life.
Finding a group and trusting that the program works
Because you find others who are and have battled this addiction that are there to help
Don't have a sponsor
By truly surrendering this to our higher power, we become free to accept his help
That going to the meetings is a must in recovery and that I need to eventually open up and tell my story to the group so i can really start my healing.
It's been proven that trying to heal on my own does not work. I need others to help keep me on the correct path of healing by reporting in weekly and maybe even daily.
My wife is all for now but I need to get an updated list of all the other people that are open for phone calls/texts
Don't stay up to late
Deleted most social media accounts
No movies with strong sexual themes and nudity
It means I stop making the choice to use and turn to God in humbleness and ask for strength to get us through the day. If we have the faith and it is His will, his power will be effective enough to do just that.
The program doesn't show us how to stop, it shows us how to stop from starting again. I think this was an interesting perspective and it makes sense. Also the essential nature of a group and/or someone to work it with.
I believe those who say it can't be done without a group, without connection to others fighting the same fight.
I will find phone numbers of folks willing to accept calls and reach out to them.
Monitoring software, physical rules of no phone in the bathroom, plugged in our bedroom, no watching videos alone, etc.
It is up to me to stop, then surrender temptations and desires to God in order to not start up again.
Fellowship is key to success of sexual sobriety
Why? Because it is true.
Active participation in the fellowship of the program plugs you in to a community of folks that understand you because they have the same challenges and you can understand and relate to them as well.
Daniel, Paul, Eric
No phones in the bathroom - EVER
No reels or video scrolling on Facebook and Instagram
Phones docked and recharging overnight
Do not be on the computer past 10pm at night
Stop feeding our lust and acknowledge our powerlessness over it.
Acknowledge that we are helpless and hopeless alone in our efforts to overcome our addiction
Humble ourselves sufficiently to God so that in His great mercy and love He can help us.
I related 100% with Nate in the podcast. He talks about not getting caught because he became really good at lying and that he would tell enough but not the full truth in order to avoid having to “lie” (telling part of the truth). He also talked about how his relationship with God was hard because it’s not something he can touch / tangible. So he felt that reaching out to other members of the group helped him with practicing humility. I have had a hard time in my relationship with God for the same reason. I have always had the “prove it” type of personality and want hard evidence, and has always been hard to believe in something if I can’t see it.
Because it keeps me accountable and is a constant reminder to keep working it. I like “keep coming back. It works when you work it so work it you’re worth it” because it really does. And I’m learning that with anything in life, if you keep going back to whatever it is (good or bad) it’ll not only work but it will enter you and attach to you. Continually going back into addiction became a part of me. I have learned it is not me, it is something that attached to me that I can keep off of me if I keep participating in the fellowship of the program and working it. Because it will work. It is working and I know that I’m worth it so I will continue to work it for the rest of my life.
Other members from SAL group
I have not completed that part yet. However the boundaries I have put in place are that I do not lock the door to the bathroom, I have a specific time limit for myself to go to the bathroom and shower unless it’s not possible (sick, etc…) however, I do not bring my phone into the bathroom at home as much as possible. At work I keep my phone out of the bathroom as well. I’m still working on setting boundaries and figuring out what they are exactly vs bottom lines.
To me it means that if we stop our addictive ways and stop going back into that addictive cycle, we will be able to better hear and feel the power of God in our lives. That through recovery and stopping the cycle, God and Jesus Christ can change us so we can become more like Him and we can become more effective in this life. Even to the point that God can use us as instruments in this life to help others do the same.
Being a participating member in the groups I am in. Because I seem to want others to do the work. I am part of a new group. They are wonderful and most members are staying sober. I was too until I stopped participating and attending meetings.
Another is the crucial part of connecting and going to meetings. Forget everything else and just attend the MEETINGS. This is so helpful to get out of my head and be present.
As I am in my head so much, I must get out of it. Serving helps me do this. I am so focused on myself when I act out and live in addiction. I lose the purpose of my life. Participating takes me out of myself, my addict mind, and my pride. It allows Christ in to clean me out.
I haven't really committed to anyone. Not even my wife. However I will commit to making calls everyday to recovery brothers I know.
Downloading snapchat, telegram, firefox not matter what, I will not do it.
When I feel tempted, I will call someone right away, drop my phone and walk away, give my phone to my wife.
I will not use the internet on my phone until I am with my wife or someone else.
It's time for me to stop being in control and allow God to be in control. Through fellowship, allow God in to clean and restore me to sanity.
The need to attend multipole meeting, to keep out of our own head. I am always in my own head thinking or fantasizing about what is not reality, and not spending time seeing things how they really are.
participating in the program helps me to not feel that I'm the only one in the world that is suffering as a result of my addiction, I'm able to see that there is hope that I can recover from listening to those that have been successful and the successes and failure they experienced.
I have my friend Paul, and Scott and was invited by members of my first meeting to call or text them.
That i need to stop all forms of addiction in order to stop addiction. It is indeed a Spiritual problem, as the big book says. If that is so, than any addiction cripples Spiritual vitality- so it makes sense that any addiction in any form must be stopped to heal from compulsion. Because I have many addictions that I utilize to soothe myself in my life- so that I don't need to fully commit myself to God and higher principles.
To connect with other men so that my ideas become tested against the experience and honesty of others- I start to see that I'm not alone, and that I do not know everything, in fact many things I've held up as gold often appear as dross against the scrutiny of others- my own self deceptions become blatantly apparent when shared with a group of truth seekers.
Josh Larsen, and my sponsor Alan.
None, currently.
When we stop and in our hearts truly desire no more evil in our hearts but only to do good and to do God's will- in that moment of surrender we become an actual tool for God in the proverbial tool belt. God's power can become effective because we're no longer distracted and occupied with a compulsion that 'hooks' us and makes us useless as an agent for God's good designs.
The part that stuck out to me the most was when it talked about how our spouse, parents or even God can't do the work for us. The only person who can do the change and work is ourselves. I have not been putting 100% effort towards my recovery, which isn't fair to anyone in my family or God.
It's essential to participate in fellowship so that you can get the support to work the steps. It's also important to participate so that you can hear what other people are going through, which allows you to know you aren't alone in the struggle of sexual addiction.
I am committed to reaching out to my dad and two brothers during the week. I will also be sending my youth pastor, from confirmation, an email to see if he would be willing to meet via Zoom. I would like him to be part of my ongoing recovery.
-- I will no longer use social media of any form.
-- I will only use my laptop if someone else in my family is in the same room as me.
-- I have to turn in my phone at the end of the night.
-- No phone allowed in the bathroom anymore.
-- My spouse can check my phone whenever she wants.
I believe it means that when we stop and surrender to God, he will be there as we work through the steps and recovery. He will always be by our side, even if he don't feel him there. He is always someone we can turn to when we are down and/or having struggles throughout the day or week.
