Two things stuck out to me about our reading today:
1. We can't be sober in one area while still acting out in another. We have to stop feeding lust and practice sobriety. We need to get rid of all materials and triggers that we are able to get rid of. Now we STOP; and then, in our surrender, the power of GOD becomes effective in us. This is so important as step 0.
2. We have to participate in the fellowship of the program. We cannot continue with lasting recovery without being actively involved in a 12-step meeting. Recovery teaches us that addiction is isolation and recovery is connection. The meetings help us start to realize this and to connect with other brothers who feel similarly.
As I was saying in the last answer, addiction is isolation and recovery is connection. In the 12-steps we realize that we our lives have become unmanageable, that we are powerless in ourselves to recover and overcome these addictions, and that only through surrender to a higher power can we start to heal and recover. This is how we start to connect with God. We also need to connect with others who have similar desires to us so that we can all strengthen each other. My weekly meetings are uplifting and bring me closer to understanding myself, my addition, and my God.
I have been reaching out to my sponsor every other day. My goal is daily but probably doing it on an every other day basis. I have also plan to reach out to 2 or 3 other brothers this week. I have found it awkward to reach out to others but have also found the times that I have spoken with them very uplifting and helpful. Recovery is connection.
1. Avoid pornography in all its forms.
2. When I am in my home office, the door needs to be kept open at all times unless I have specifically talked to my wife about why it needs shut.
3. Let my wife know where I am going and when I am headed home. She can also track me on Life 360 and call if she wants to check in with me.
4. Let me wife know if I am downloading any apps and what it is.
5. Be deliberate with social media. No wasting time watching reels or mindlessly looking at social media.
I am trying to understand this better. We have to stop. We have to start sobriety. We have to make an effort. In reality that effort is I cannot do this along. I will stop. I then need to surrender to you and need God to do the rest. However, as soon as we do that, we can lay claim to God's power and help in effectively surrendering our addictions and faults.
Attend meetings on time; the importance of participating in the fellowship and sharing my story with others; vulnerability. Connection, be a part of others’ recoveries. “We stop relishing the language of lust, resentment, and rage.” I want to work on avoiding profanity, and surrendering when I feel rage towards my parents or others. Gratitude is an antidote to rage and lust. I want to get out of my own head, out of myself and get connected to others. Participating in the fellowship helps me to feel a part of.
Vulnerability, being willing to share and connect with others helps me see I am not alone. Participation and communion with others is part of healing.
I am committed to daily calls with SAL members other than my sponsor. I have many brothers I can reach out to. I find joy in connecting with others in the fellowship.
I have dailies: exercise, step work, make a call, attend a meeting, journal in the evening. My boundaries are:
- avoid using my phone while in the bathroom. But I can play General Conference from it or be listening to audio.
- Avoid looking up anything online unless it is for school, work, or church, or other important task and is necessary.
- Make a call and talk to someone or leave a voicemail if I feel tempted to act out.
- Prioritize my dailies before completing other tasks. That means exercising and step work in the morning before school, piano, or other tasks.
- Don’t text ex-girlfriends without first talking to my sponsor and others in the program. Don’t text or talk to women with the purpose of intriguing, getting them to like me, or trying to develop a romantic relationship. If I receive a text that I am unsure about responding to, talk to my sponsor before responding. If I find myself having a conversation with a woman and wanting to flirt, fantasize, or get them to be attracted to me, surrender and talk to someone in the program about it.
My job is to stop, and then trust God’s power to work in me to help me stay stopped.
The "We Stop" paragraph had the greatest impact on me. I cannot indulge (act out) in any area of my addiction. It is 100% sobriety or nothing.
You don't feel alone. There is strength in numbers when you share your story with other and you hear theirs. You lose fear and are ablle to reach out to others and get help and discuss the challenges/tempations you face.
I need to develop contacts from my local group that I will reengage with on 1/5.
I do not look at porn or racy type pictures or material in any form. That includes advertisements that may be inappropriate. My biggest problem is my lustful thought life. I give in the lustful thoughts and engage them with fantasy periodically but I cannot do that because that is feeding lust. One time to too many.
I cannot blame others for my lack acting out. I must take fulll accountability and responsibiltiy. No one can tell me to stop, I must make the decision and am solely responsible for stopping, it is then that God's power can become effective in me. I must STOP, not be willing to stop but actually stop Lust in all in forms and manifestations in my life.
Finding a group and trusting that the program works
Because you find others who are and have battled this addiction that are there to help
Don't have a sponsor
By truly surrendering this to our higher power, we become free to accept his help
That going to the meetings is a must in recovery and that I need to eventually open up and tell my story to the group so i can really start my healing.
It's been proven that trying to heal on my own does not work. I need others to help keep me on the correct path of healing by reporting in weekly and maybe even daily.
My wife is all for now but I need to get an updated list of all the other people that are open for phone calls/texts
Don't stay up to late
Deleted most social media accounts
No movies with strong sexual themes and nudity
It means I stop making the choice to use and turn to God in humbleness and ask for strength to get us through the day. If we have the faith and it is His will, his power will be effective enough to do just that.
The program doesn't show us how to stop, it shows us how to stop from starting again. I think this was an interesting perspective and it makes sense. Also the essential nature of a group and/or someone to work it with.
I believe those who say it can't be done without a group, without connection to others fighting the same fight.
I will find phone numbers of folks willing to accept calls and reach out to them.
Monitoring software, physical rules of no phone in the bathroom, plugged in our bedroom, no watching videos alone, etc.
It is up to me to stop, then surrender temptations and desires to God in order to not start up again.
Fellowship is key to success of sexual sobriety
Why? Because it is true.
Active participation in the fellowship of the program plugs you in to a community of folks that understand you because they have the same challenges and you can understand and relate to them as well.
Daniel, Paul, Eric
No phones in the bathroom - EVER
No reels or video scrolling on Facebook and Instagram
Phones docked and recharging overnight
Do not be on the computer past 10pm at night
Stop feeding our lust and acknowledge our powerlessness over it.
Acknowledge that we are helpless and hopeless alone in our efforts to overcome our addiction
Humble ourselves sufficiently to God so that in His great mercy and love He can help us.
I related 100% with Nate in the podcast. He talks about not getting caught because he became really good at lying and that he would tell enough but not the full truth in order to avoid having to “lie” (telling part of the truth). He also talked about how his relationship with God was hard because it’s not something he can touch / tangible. So he felt that reaching out to other members of the group helped him with practicing humility. I have had a hard time in my relationship with God for the same reason. I have always had the “prove it” type of personality and want hard evidence, and has always been hard to believe in something if I can’t see it.
Because it keeps me accountable and is a constant reminder to keep working it. I like “keep coming back. It works when you work it so work it you’re worth it” because it really does. And I’m learning that with anything in life, if you keep going back to whatever it is (good or bad) it’ll not only work but it will enter you and attach to you. Continually going back into addiction became a part of me. I have learned it is not me, it is something that attached to me that I can keep off of me if I keep participating in the fellowship of the program and working it. Because it will work. It is working and I know that I’m worth it so I will continue to work it for the rest of my life.
Other members from SAL group
I have not completed that part yet. However the boundaries I have put in place are that I do not lock the door to the bathroom, I have a specific time limit for myself to go to the bathroom and shower unless it’s not possible (sick, etc…) however, I do not bring my phone into the bathroom at home as much as possible. At work I keep my phone out of the bathroom as well. I’m still working on setting boundaries and figuring out what they are exactly vs bottom lines.
To me it means that if we stop our addictive ways and stop going back into that addictive cycle, we will be able to better hear and feel the power of God in our lives. That through recovery and stopping the cycle, God and Jesus Christ can change us so we can become more like Him and we can become more effective in this life. Even to the point that God can use us as instruments in this life to help others do the same.
Being a participating member in the groups I am in. Because I seem to want others to do the work. I am part of a new group. They are wonderful and most members are staying sober. I was too until I stopped participating and attending meetings.
Another is the crucial part of connecting and going to meetings. Forget everything else and just attend the MEETINGS. This is so helpful to get out of my head and be present.
As I am in my head so much, I must get out of it. Serving helps me do this. I am so focused on myself when I act out and live in addiction. I lose the purpose of my life. Participating takes me out of myself, my addict mind, and my pride. It allows Christ in to clean me out.
I haven't really committed to anyone. Not even my wife. However I will commit to making calls everyday to recovery brothers I know.
Downloading snapchat, telegram, firefox not matter what, I will not do it.
When I feel tempted, I will call someone right away, drop my phone and walk away, give my phone to my wife.
I will not use the internet on my phone until I am with my wife or someone else.
It's time for me to stop being in control and allow God to be in control. Through fellowship, allow God in to clean and restore me to sanity.
The need to attend multipole meeting, to keep out of our own head. I am always in my own head thinking or fantasizing about what is not reality, and not spending time seeing things how they really are.
participating in the program helps me to not feel that I'm the only one in the world that is suffering as a result of my addiction, I'm able to see that there is hope that I can recover from listening to those that have been successful and the successes and failure they experienced.
I have my friend Paul, and Scott and was invited by members of my first meeting to call or text them.
That i need to stop all forms of addiction in order to stop addiction. It is indeed a Spiritual problem, as the big book says. If that is so, than any addiction cripples Spiritual vitality- so it makes sense that any addiction in any form must be stopped to heal from compulsion. Because I have many addictions that I utilize to soothe myself in my life- so that I don't need to fully commit myself to God and higher principles.
To connect with other men so that my ideas become tested against the experience and honesty of others- I start to see that I'm not alone, and that I do not know everything, in fact many things I've held up as gold often appear as dross against the scrutiny of others- my own self deceptions become blatantly apparent when shared with a group of truth seekers.
Josh Larsen, and my sponsor Alan.
None, currently.
When we stop and in our hearts truly desire no more evil in our hearts but only to do good and to do God's will- in that moment of surrender we become an actual tool for God in the proverbial tool belt. God's power can become effective because we're no longer distracted and occupied with a compulsion that 'hooks' us and makes us useless as an agent for God's good designs.
The part that stuck out to me the most was when it talked about how our spouse, parents or even God can't do the work for us. The only person who can do the change and work is ourselves. I have not been putting 100% effort towards my recovery, which isn't fair to anyone in my family or God.
It's essential to participate in fellowship so that you can get the support to work the steps. It's also important to participate so that you can hear what other people are going through, which allows you to know you aren't alone in the struggle of sexual addiction.
I am committed to reaching out to my dad and two brothers during the week. I will also be sending my youth pastor, from confirmation, an email to see if he would be willing to meet via Zoom. I would like him to be part of my ongoing recovery.
-- I will no longer use social media of any form.
-- I will only use my laptop if someone else in my family is in the same room as me.
-- I have to turn in my phone at the end of the night.
-- No phone allowed in the bathroom anymore.
-- My spouse can check my phone whenever she wants.
I believe it means that when we stop and surrender to God, he will be there as we work through the steps and recovery. He will always be by our side, even if he don't feel him there. He is always someone we can turn to when we are down and/or having struggles throughout the day or week.
The importance of fellowship in the meetings. I’ve attended other meetings but once we left the building the support was gone too.
For me I know I acted out because I felt unloved and unimportant. Having the fellowship will help to overcome those disconnected feelings.
I talk with my wife about what I am learning. But she is not in the role of an accountability partner.
Filters on all internet devices
No phone in the bathroom
Removed all social media
I think when we are trying to white-knuckle our way through we are relying on our own strength and not allowing God to do his part.
The part about getting out. I don't like to talk about myself and I definitely prefer being alone. It was so hard for me to attend my first meeting, my second meeting and although I had good experiences, it's still hard to go.
As I participate I think beyond myself. I get out of my head and I find people who have been there and who can also guide and hold me accountable.
I have an accountability partner.
I will not dwell on the sights, thoughts or other triggers that cause me to engage in lust. I can't avoid going to the store, or anywhere in public without out seeing inappropriate material, but I can choose to look away and focus on wholesome and good things.
That God will not do the work for us, he will make the work we do matter. The change we seek from God comes only through our willingness to turn to him and he makes all the difference in who we will be and what we choose to do. Surrender is relying on God and not on our own power to change.
I need to stop wholly and completely. I need to stop 100%. I cannot lust in any form.
Going to boot camp showed me how I can get rid of the shame messages which surround me.
Jon, SAL Sunday night group. Need more contacts and more names.
Need to call Connor some more
-let's take a social media break
-app store blocking
-20 minutes of recovery work everyday
I am not exactly sure but I want it. I want to stop acting out. And then God's power is made manifest for me to continue to stop.
Without stopping all forms of acting out we will never be truly healed or changed. There is a multitude of avenues available to assist with working through the steps, whether it be online, phone, live......We as an addict need to keep an open mind that it doesn't matter what avenue we use all of them will assist us in our recovery.
Trying to bear the weight of this defect we're all going through is more than any one individual can/should handle. Utilizing the fellowship can assist in sharing the weight all of us are bearing. Hopefully allowing us to slowly unstack the emotional bagage and such to allow for true recovery to occur.
I haven't reached out to anyone besides my sponsor yet. I need to begin reaching out to the men in my recovery group and making connections. I have Justin B. in Spokane that I've talked to a couple times in the past. I think I'll start with him and try to work my way....
I've been reading "Breaking the Cycle" and trying to implement some of the steps/actions that I've read about in there. I need to get more into the reading from the program
Without stopping acting out and surrendering to our recovery and our defects the full power of god will not be understood and his message will not be fully gained or instilled within our minds.
Without regular participation in the fellowship, there seems to be no recovery - I have seen first hand through my own experiences the value in attending meetings and making phone calls. Through sharing personal experiences and being vulnerable it has taken the edge off of experiences and helped me surrender the situation.
We stop relishing the language of lust, resentment, and rage. We stop living only and always inside our own heads. One of the fringe benefits of going to a lot of meetings is that it gets us out of ourselves. - I am over 2.5 months into my recovery, and as I have stopped feeding the lust, the resentment and rage has started trying to take its place. Going to meetings has helped me understand myself through active listening and sharing my personal experience that may or may not relate to the material covered at the meeting.
The program doesn’t tell us how to stop-we had done that a thousand and one times-it shows us how to keep from starting again … Now we stop; and then, in our surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us. - I can’t tell you how many times I have stopped, but I have never had any form of action or surrender or program to help me in recovery. I only recently recognized it as an addiction. I have been trying with mostly will power alone for so long, which never worked. We learn in the AA big book that even with knowledge of the addiction, that is not enough. We have to surrender our will to God. I must find God.
And we discovered that the way to feel better is not only going to meetings but taking the risk of self-disclosure. - I have found the self-disclosure to be so helpful. The first couple of meetings I attended I jumped into the deep end and shared. I was really rather nervous. The risk of self-disclosure is a mutual beneficial act … I find it beneficial when others share and when I share too. I find opportunities for self reflection in both.
I have been trying to fight this for well over half of my life. I am clearly not strong enough alone. I had a shift in thought when I made my first recovery contact. I called a member of my Tuesday SA meeting and he thanked me for calling because it helped him in his recovery. I was thinking I was being selfish and checking the box of my recovery. We are here to help each other. There is strength in numbers, but there is also accountability, and help. Someone that knows exactly what I am going through, that can understand and not judge me for my thoughts, emotions, actions and just be there to listen and offer up their support.
I have been slowly building a list of phone numbers of people to call. I have a couple of phone lists, but I really haven’t gone through any of those yet … I need to. I have a goal of making at least one contact each day. Right now my sponsor and I have one weekly scheduled time to talk and meet. If needed he can be made available. I go to roughly 5 meetings each week, plus therapy. As I get phone numbers of people I enter them into my phone and add them to a list so I know which group or which meeting I know these people from.
We have implemented what feels like a lot of boundaries. They were first called rules, but then shifted the terminology to boundary as that is more proactive rather than like a punishment.
- I am not home without my wife (in the case when we have kids and it is unavoidable, I call my wife or someone - next would be my dad or mom - and I text my wife letting her know)
- I have down time on my devices
- We purchased new devices that allow for parental controls and monitoring
- As part of not being home without my wife, I have reworked my work schedule and we have rearranged our kids schedule some in the morning before school.
- There are more, but these are the ones that are coming to mind.
I am learning that only in surrender can I stay connected with God. As I have allowed myself to hold on to emotions or events (resentment, rage, and pride) I lose that connection and put myself at risk. It is only through the power of God that I can stay sober. I must stay connected to him. I have to surrender and give my problems to Him.
the lying to yourself part i got this
accountability with people in same struggle
therapist
covenent eyes on devises and computer
God can't help if you don't confess to him
I liked the section stop it because it talked about the freedom of sobriety. but we have to walk away completely. Giving up one thing and not the other is not stopping it.
One big reason that I can think of is being accountable, Because no matter how far we are in the program or how much time we have sober we are always 2 steps away from falling again.
To at least one other person that in the list that I received during the meeting
no Facebook, no taking the cell phone in the bathroom, never having the phone with me when I'm gonna be alone for a while
That we cant fight it. Its way to strong we have to surrender it to god so that god can work within us to comfort us or help us get through that moment. Absolutely no pride, pride I feel is the most steep slippery slope that there is in falling away again.
I must participate in the fellowship - I can't slack off and try to do it alone. Its more than just showing up for meetings I must be committed and without it there can be no recovery. When I show up I need to get involved be PART OF and not APART from the meetings. Also, something that stuck out was that the program is not going to tell me how to stop lusting but instead it shows us how to not start again. Had to think about this one for a while. I can't stop but I can surrender to God who will help me not start again.
To stay sober and fully recover it is essential you have others who know you and know what you are experiencing. Then if you participate you will get the recovery benefits of Joy, Growth and Freedom.
I don't have a sponser at this time yet. I will reach out to Tim Nelson, Nikitas, Lyman, Josh, Anthony/Bill (Forge)
No internet at night when alone unless it's for work or steps.
Making men's meetings this week
No TV movie channels or watching alone
I can stop and I can try in my power but unless and until I surrender and admit I am powerless it won't be effective and what will be is when I have God's power in me. This is only possible if I surrender it all to Him.
Participating in the meetings and putting yourself out there help you begin healing.
I think that it helps us to help lift one another up and be more Christlike by mourning with those who mourn.
I’m committed to reaching out to my wife and my mother in law during the week.
No phone in bathroom, no phone in the bed and plug in phone away from the bed side.
We can’t overcome this monster on our own. We essentially surrender to Gods will and let his spirit flow within us and give us the power to overcome.
I need to be sober in all forms. I need to stop feeding lust through my eyes. pray for the willingness to surrender all forms of addictions like overeating.
When I show up in a meeting what I am asking and pleading is that I have to stop please help me
So far hearing other people's stories has helped me tremendously connect with others and has been super impactful for me.
I appreciate and i am grateful to be able to reach out to various members of my Saturday morning Group
Well my sponsor relapsed so I dont have a strong sponsor right now. but connecting with my buddies and talking to my wife has helped me.
The power of surrender and handing it over to God has been super powerful and has been the key to being able to lose the primary lust desire that I've been experiencing
The parts that stuck out to me are how important it is to be part of a group. It even says to start your own group if there are none around you and to pray to find other sexaholics to join the group. This stuck out because of how much emphasis it puts on being part of a group.
Addiction thrives in secrecy and isolation. Being part of a recovery group removes the isolation and forces the issue into the light. Participating in the fellowship to me means that you are active and contribute to the group, which will help bring you closer to group members, which should help in your recovery.
Zac is someone who I have been having contact with.
Boundaries:
-Don’t use internet-enabled devices while lying in bed
-Don’t browse web/video while in the bathroom
-Remove internet-enabled devices from bedroom when I sleep (fully turn off tower PC)
To me this means that we take responsibility for stopping rather than on counting others to stop us. When we stop, we surrender ourselves and our wills in this matter to God, who will give us strength to keep from starting again.
The part about not being able to feed our lust in any form. At this time I’ve set a bottom line for myself of not acting out at work. I was able to successfully thwart and surrender around my addiction yesterday at work but felt that itch in the background. I used masterbation with fantasy this morning as a “lesser of two evils” method but don’t feel great about it.
Getting outside of myself and helping others have a place to work recovery feels good. It makes me feel less egotistical
I will reach out to Scott and one other brother this week.
No acting out at work.
I love this statement. It’s actually an answer to prayer.
