It’s a great reminder that I need to get out of myself, when I focus on myself I tend to act out, when I turn outwards towards others I feel lust take a back seat and leave my life
Because being a part of a group working in the same things encourages me and reminds me others deal with what I’m dealing with and are overcoming!
I’m reach out to Bryn and win.
Not using my phone in the bathroom
Locking the Internet on my phone to make it impossible to look up porn when I’m feeling weak in commitment
I won’t get on the computers without my wife knowing and being next to me, to help me with this I choose not to know the logins for the computers.
When I stop acting out and surrender to Gods will, his power comes into my life and helps me continue in my sobriety.
The measure of my commitment to attend the meetings is a measure of how my recovery will be.
The meetings get us out of ourselves. It makes the inside come out.
The program doesnt help us quit - it helps us from starting again.
Addiction is fostered in loneliness. These meetings gives us a community with no judgements attached. Sharing our stories brings it out of the dark and into the light. Also seeing the commonalities in our stories gives us empathy for them and ourselves. It forms a bond. It is a vulnerable space.
Other members of the group. Others that are in need of guidance and direction. Others that need support.
I think I need to reach out to my spouse as well, but only to a certain degree. I dont want her to become my fixer or think that she is responsible. I am need to "wipe my own emotional ass".
I havent met with my spounder yet, but some boundaries I have put up for myself are...
- drop all social media
- Be able to show my wife my phone, photos and text messages at any time.
- Be accountable to my wife each day for my behaviors and emotions and feelings.
- work the 12 steps everyday.
yes.
Some addicts stop the behavior to heal the emotions and others heal the emotions to stop the behaviors.
pg64 we stop living only and always inside our own heads. This stuck out because thats what it feels like.
pg65 because when to surrender to God, it gives me a hope that i can be made better.
To surround yourself with people who understand the addiction and the consequences of there actions it can create unity in the plan.
Members in meetings
to admit and understand your addicition, and by making the choice to stop now your working on your relationship with God, for him to help you for your ways failed.
N
It works when I work it. I find great strength there.
Daily to the men of the fellowship.
- I can't do any of this alone
- I have to commit my self
- Regular participation and fellowship are components to sobriety & RECOVERY
- Having it backwards which is always wanted a therapist, spouse, God to do the stopping and fix us. So I have to stop and surrender for the Power of God to become effective in me.
- Come out of myself and into the real world
Trying to get the EGO to right size ego.
Others from my home group as well as others within the SAL community.
I think this is key to me at the moment. I think I have good boundaries around many of the acting out behaviors but to help me have progressive victory over lust.
I think it means I have to make the decision. I alone have to make the decision to stop and surrender.
The concept that we can't do it alone. How many years did I try to do it alone? Warning flag when I try to do it alone now. I recently attended a new meeting. It is in addition to my home meeting. It was a good experience meeting new SAL members and being able to relate portions of my story and where I am currently having struggles. And also to see some new perspectives as I listen to their struggles.
In many ways my addiction has faded. In other ways it is still with me and I need to be willing to say to God, "I'm powerless; please help me.
I need to make calls, not that I want to, but because I don't want to.
The admission of powerlessness really works, when we're in the raw heat of temptation and craving. I am willing to not have it (whatever our addiction is craving); even if I do die.
We can look forward to the time the obsession - not temptations - will be gone.
I am a believer in participating in the fellowship of the program. Recently divorced I reflect on the help I received from the brotherhood of SAL. They understood me and were able to support me in ways that others couldn't. I was able to tell them my innermost struggles without fearing judgement for me or my ex-wife.
I usually have some form of contact daily. Usually with sponsees. Right now I want to reach out to those that are having trials. Jason, Mark, Marcus, Devon, Chris.
Go to meetings weekly. Read my scriptures daily. Go to the temple frequently. Strive for daily connection with God. Surrender whenever a trigger arises.
That working the program can lead to lasting change in my life and that its up to me to take it seriously
I am powerless to stop this on my own. There is wisdom in connecting with others that have gone through what i'm going through
Matt and Jason
I haven't done this excersize
That when I am willing to surrender the compulsive behavior to God, he will give us what we need to overcome
How far people travel to meet with others. I can not imagine driving hundreds of miles to meet someone I met online.
I have noticed that when I am not actively participating in meeting or attending regularly, lust and triggers are more frequent and more difficult to surrender.
Daniel and Jason P I try to contact each week.
No social media, no youtube, no Reddit.
Not being alone in a room with another female.
Daily check-ins, recovery work.
Don’t wait for God’s power to be effective. You have to take the initiative to stop first, and let the rest fall into place. Constantly giving in to temptation will not help in recovery, it will only grow more shame.
just showing up to the meetings is where it all starts, we may not want to be there, but if we commit to just showing up that is the first hurdle that we need to get over.
If I want real recovery then I need to do it with someone else, too many times I tried to do this on my own and it doesn't work. I have to have some sort of accountability so that I can keep myself in check.
Chris S, John H, Lyman.
not to have my phone in the bathroom alone, not to stare at women,
I have to be the one to stop, it cant be my wife that stops me or a therapist, it needs to be my choice. then I seem to have a power that is beyond my own for help.
The opposite of addiction is connection. I need connection. I need my community and I need to surrender regularly. I have let myself slide in my Wednesday PM mtg. I often do not pay close attention and read along.
Because the opposite of addiction is connection. I feel this deep in my soul. I feel the void of addiction but struggle to connect with others at times. l live in my head.
Other members of the group including my sponsees.
I do not take my phone in the bedroom except for nights oncall and never in the bathroom. I do not log on to the computer or phone after mn and before 5:30 AM. I do not get massages alone. (No massage even w/ jandee at this time). I donot have any social media accounts that Jandee does not know about.
God can only have an effect when I am not following my own will.
"Some travel more than 100 miles"
"No one seems to be able to stay sober and progress in recovery..."
"We stop feeding lust. We get rid of all the materials and other triggers under our control"
The program doesn't tell us how to stop ... it shows us how to keep from starting again"
"...telling our story, bringing the inside out..."
"We couldn't stay stopped; we had never surrendered"
For me it was mostly about the accountability of being part of a group and the 'report out' of the last week in sharing.
I have not been working that part. Most of my connections have been about finding a sponsor.
Having said that if doing this (online course) is helpful (being daily), I can see making contacts extends that accountability.
I have shared my location with my wife (devasted by my infidelity) and closed my separate bank accounts. A cold turkey approach to be sure but quite helpful.
Next step is to not visit the dating/escort web sites. I have tried turning off the 'incognito' option on my phone, but continue to turn it back on.
I saw/heard in our meeting this week that our addiction is 'god'.
Until we move active pursuit of lust, we obscure the path to God.
Once we stop, God can speak to me without my self made barriers and obstacles.
"Stop compulsion of all forms" and "We stop feeding lust" and "We stop relishing in the language of lust, resentment and rage". Stopping compulsion of all forms is very difficult. It reminds me of the time I said I can continue to use twitter/x in the early days of recovery. I remember I would slip and quickly get out thinking it wouldn't affect me, but really it did, I was after that dopamine hit. Stop relishing in the language of lust, resentment and rage is difficult especially in the early days of recovery when interacting with your spouse. I reflect now and I think I did relish in that language as it suggests I let my emotions control my behavior still, running parallel with behaviors I was looking to stop.
It is essential to participate in the fellowship of the program as it helps us from being self-absorbed and looking outside ourselves when confronting our addictions.
I am committed to reach out to other members in my groups, my therapist and others in recovery. I am fortunate to have another person I work with in recovery so I interact with him regularly.
Boundaries include no pornography and no "not-porn" materials, no searching for those materials, limiting time to no time on social media, online-stores and libraries, keeping to just the materials I need. I have accountability software on my phone. The only computer I use is my work computer which has work filters on.
We stop the activities allows us to take that moment, recognize what we have been doing, realize what we have been doing wasn't working and surrender those activities and associated urges to our Higher Power, who can then work effectively in us.
The opposite of addiction is connection. I NEED the connections that come from the fellowship.
Warren, Nikita, I need to include the Bishop.
No phone in the bathroom or in a room with the door closed.
God won't make me stop. I need to stop and show him my willingness and when I do that he will bless me with strength to stay sober.
That there is an undeniable fact that fellowship takes a part in this. I also liked the line "forget the steps, just bring your body. Just be there." (paraphrase). Sometimes, I find both in church attendances and AA attendance, simply being there, even if I've done nothing that week good or bad, is an anchor to my hope and sobriety.
For me, yes - simply because I know if I don't have accountability or a group I know I'll just fall into my own patterns which have obviously failed me before (hence the group, a different approach in hopes of a different result). I also think it's healthy for me to see others fall and climb, hear there stories that make me feel less alone, or give me hope that there can be recovery. In fact, that might be the most important thing, is hearing the testimonies of those who have tried the program, and swear by it.
We have a group of phone numbers. Honestly, I'm not that good (ok, I'm terrible) at taking the time to reach out to others. Part of it is the time zone difference, but that's a pretty weak excuse. I have other group members to call, I need to be better about that.
Bottom lines:
* I will not intentionally look at a woman twice when in public.
* I will not watch Facebook stories.
* I will not search women’s names on social media or into a search engine.
* I will not use incognito mode on my computer or phone.
* I will not search for or click on women’s clothing ads or listings.
* I will not intentionally fantasize about a woman in my mind.
* I will not have sex with self.
* I will not think about other women during intercourse with my wife.
7 Do's:
1. Wake up after one snooze on alarm max.
2. Make a “contact” phone call each day.
3. Step work daily - either write or read for at least 15 minutes.
4. Pray each day at least once.
5. Read at least one scripture per/day
6. Check in with wife each day
7. Tally & send golf score to sponsor each day.
First, we must do our part and give it up, we don't want it after all anyway. Then, we need to trust that god will find us in our surrender and help us to stay sober. I'm not sure I fully understand this yet, but I'm confident I'm learning more about what it means to surrender vs fight back. It's a tricky difference. I think it's more a will of accepting we're broken and giving ourselves to god than it is about loading up more "let's fight this" ammunition and trying to white-kuckle your way to victory with sheer willpower.
The parts the stuck out to me the most was this cannot be done yourself, you need the support of others who are also going through the same experiences. Too many times I've thought "I can do it", "I have this under control", " I can stop and done" and that was a complete and under lie to myself as my ego and pride took over. I also loved the comment about, was the program is not about getting us to stop, it's about getting us to not start again. That was super powerful too me and something I had never considered, because my solution had always been the prior. I really enjoyed todays reading.
Because participation and being with others gets out of ourselves, gets us out of our minds, it makes us vulnerable and that vulnerablity is what allows us to share and be open about what we are going through and also what we ultimately want is sobriety.
I have not yet gotten a sponsor, but I want to reach out at least once a week to my therapist.
I have deleted any and all apps and not just apps but my profiles in those apps so that I cannot easily slip in and look into the apps again.
I think to me it means to that we have to let our of egos and selfishness and try to focus on a higher being, be that god or whatever, but we have to find a way to let ourselves get out of our own minds and focus on something better or in the case of God Higher.
That I need to be completely sober. That's the hardest part for me. There's a very large part of me that doesn't want to be completely sober.
Because that is the only way to be invested enough that we will have the desire to stay committed to the program.
Shane Giddings
No Porn.
We have to do our part before God will step in and give us the power to overcome.
That it seems almost no one can get sober and stay sober without associating with other recovering individuals in some way.
Because in this addiction I feel alone and that im the only one that has this problem. Participating helps to understand that I am not the only broken person and that through each other we can help strengthen each other.
I dont have a sponsor right now. But I will reach out to Joel and my friend Mindy.
I am still working on setting my boundaries.
For me, its understanding how to turn my will to the lord. And being able to let him take it from me. And allowing him into my life to help me in this path.
The biggest part that stuck out is I have to be a full participant. There is no half-assing recovery as evident now that I've had to reset my sobriety date after 4 years! To learn that really I never achieved the full years because of the ways I engaged with fantasy.
Looking back if I have been discussing daily, disclosing daily my current state of mind and behaviors, and truly surrendering lust then I don't think I would have got to the point I am today with a reset of sobriety and all the consequences that have come with it.
Daily calls - using the phone list from the group.
Keeping current boundaries of (no social media, only ksl/desnews for news, no movies/tv alone) and putting a lot more focus on boundaries over fantasy and most importantly HONESTY / TRUTH telling are my first boundary and priorty.
I think this means I have to make my own commitment to sobriety active by taking steps and deliberate actions and then the power of God becomes effective in us. I think of a scriptural examples of people in scripture acting in faith and taking steps AND then being led by God.
stopping my compulsion in all forms. I haven't been able to stop looking for attractive women. I have stopped lusting for them though.
To hear their stories of success and struggles. For me to share my success and struggles.
My therapist, and another SAL member.
I get a page not found error message. So I don't know about boundaries yet.
When we are active in our disease God can not be heard. When we stop God can work his miracles in us, sometimes over a bit of time.
With this addiction we need to exhaust all resources. if there isn't a group near you, make one. if you think you can do it on your own, you cant.
associating with other recovering individuals as the book says, it allows us to truly start our own recovery. the felllowship of the program allows us and others to be accountable to ourselves and other individuals.
my girlfriend. others in the group
I have removed all forms of social media from my phone. I am not strong enough to have that on my phone anymore
we must choose to eradicate lust in all forms in our life. we stop this, and by doing so, we truly allow God, our spouse and ourselves help to effect our lives.
What such out to me was when in addiction mind we are master layers, and we blame everyone else fro our problems,
because it help you not feel alone, isolation is one of my ways to cope on healthy
I have my CSAT my wife if i need to and lots off other Brothers on SAL
my wife and i have a boundary contract that my sponsor and soon my CSAT will have
It’s a 2 page contract
Like check in , travel plans , no devices in the bathroom full access to all devices
for me i think stopping g the acting out and humbly asking god for help and admitting the addiction is out of control and it is something that FOR ME i can n. It do with out gods help
And believe me i have tried many times and feel every time,
Now that I realize i do have a addiction i can work the programs and get the help I need and with gods help i can be sober
"The benefits of recovery are growth, freedom, and joy." I think this is the message I need to hear to today because I am feeling stagnant, trapped, and depressed. This brings me hope that this feeling isn't going to last forever.
Being with others will help me find connection and strength to continue one day at a time.
My therapist, when appropriate my wife, and members of the group.
I won't get on to specific websites (blocked or password protected)
I won't enter into conversations when I am feeling overwhelmed/triggered
I will talk things through with my sponsor and create plans for how to improve before I tell my wife about an acting out event/behavior
Stopping is just the starting point. Not looking at porn and acting out are just and surrendering my work to God is just the gateway. Eventually the work of the 12 steps will lead to the growth, freedom, and joy.
The emphasis on getting our of ourselves - connecting with others through meetings and how important that is to recovery.
This is what allows us to open up and seek and accept help and encouragement from others. Just having an ability to tell someone about a struggle helps "cut them down to size".
My sponsees.
I have boundaries described on a sheet posted in my closet, and pasted into my planner and journal. Screen boundaries are:
1. Computer - no news, entertainment, twitter or social media, or sports sites in office or alone in the house.
2. Phone - no news, entertainment, twitter or social media, or sports sites in office or alone in the house - daily minute restriction of 15 minutes for these categories.
3. TV - No TV alone except live events (sports, religious, political).
Learning the power of surrender was the secret to stopping. When triggers and temptations arise, it's something I must actively do - I must in my mind repeat words in my mind, acknowledging to GOD what I'm feeling, search why I'm feeling that way, acknowledge that what I'm tempted to do is something I desire to help that feeling (boredom, frustration, anger, anxiety, etc.) go away, and that I am surrending to God my life and will to him, that I know he doesn't want me to act out in the manner I'm tempted to do, and therefore I surrender to him the desire and temptation to act out and ask him to take it. I must actively think this through - or discuss it with another person - for the surrender to be effective.
Forgetting myself because it reminds me to not hide things
Serve others, learn from others, grow and bro f things to light.
Dan and Russ
